Post # 1
I am 19 years old and “was” engaged (to get the ring later) but my boyfriend, who is 21, is frightened to tell his parents in case they criticise him as they are very controlling. I have told him to call the engagement off just now until he is ready to tell everyone and ask me again.
Most of the time, I try to bite my tongue and say nothing when it comes to his parents being so controlling but I let him know this time it has gone too far and is affecting our relationship. I feel like he should not be afraid to shout to the world he is going to marry the person he loves.
I have my doubts about us sometimes as a couple but only when we are arguing or seriously disagreeing. I believe we are good for each other as two people.
Have I been too hard on him or expected too much? I know I am young and maybe I am impatient but that’s just part of my personality. But I am willing to tone it down if need be.
If you could offer your opinion or point me out to a similar thread I have missed, please let me know. 🙂
Post # 3
All signs point to you two not being ready. Between your doubts and his fear, it is just not time. If you’re truly right for each other, you’ll still be together in 2-3 more years, and you can get married then.
Post # 4
Honestly, if he’s worried about what others think more than he’s worried about your future to me that says he’s not mature enough to get married. A grown mature adult would make a choice and stand by that choice. They don’t back down just because someone doesn’t like the choice that is made. The power his parents have over him is totally in his control. They can only control him if he lets them. End of story. I think you did the right thing by telling him to call off the engagement till he’s prepared to stand by that decision and to stand by you. You want to be his wife. Not some girl he once proposed to and married and because he’s freaked out by the judgement of others keeps you a secret.
If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been together?
Post # 5
Honestly, if your boyfriend is not mature enough to stand up his parents and tell them that he has chosen to marry you and wants to be with you, then he’s not ready to get married. If he is so afraid of his parents and can’t stand up for what he wants / believes in, you’re only going to have more problems in the future. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stay together as a couple and that it won’t work out, just that maybe waiting on marriage for a little bit would be in your best interest- especially because it sounds like you have doubts as well. You are both young and if you’re not sure, you should wait and give the relationship more time to grow and change before entering into marriage.
Post # 6
Does your boyfriend live with his parents? Is he financially dependent on them?
Post # 7
@claireos: We’ve been together a year and a half. I know lots of people tell me there’s no rush, just take your time. I’m starting to think that’s best.
@JediAshley: He’s actually just moved away and is starting a new job. I hope it will be the making of him.
Post # 8
Definitely don’t rush— in my opinion, the engagement isn’t real if you/he is scared to tell people so put the engagement off for now and just focus on YOU and where your life is going. Go to college (or finish it if you are already in), think about your potential career, and save money (start a saving habit that you can use for a potential wedding in the future). Even if your boyfriend doesn’t xome around, you will be a well established person for your future.