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I would tell her that due to venue size restrictions, you can't accommodate children. You don't need to say more than that to her. It's your wedding, so she needs to respect your wishes.
I would gently inform her that although we would love to have everyone's kids at the wedding this is just not possible. Let her know the only children that will be there are your own kid and kids that are in the bridal party. Just explain to her that you have very limited room guest list and other guests are not bringing their children because of this. She may be offended and in the end you may have to allow the kiddies, since a mother may not want to leave her children behind at home while she is away, especially if she will be staying one or more nights at destination location. She may not even want to come if the kids are not invited. I would just tell her what your wishes are and then let her decide on her own if she still wants to come without kids, or tries to keep pushing the kids on you. Hope it all works out.
Normally I say it is up to you if you want kids there, but since you are having a destination wedding I think that right goes out the window. When someone has to rent a hotel room you should allow their kids to come or provide an alternative for them (IE get a babysitter for them)
I live in the bay area and tahoe is just as much a destination (4 hour drive) as any other place. I would need a multi day babysitter or to find one I do not know in the locale of the wedding.
@Bichon Frise: Exactly. You should say this, word for word. No need for grand explanations. It's the truth, and unfortunately, you can't budge.
Though I will say, be prepared for them to decline to attend your wedding. If you'd rather have them there with their kids than not at all, then I think you should reconsider your position. Just something to think about.
Be careful if you say only kids in the wedding party are invited, since she's your FI's SIL she may feel entitled to butt her kids into your wedding party and that would be even worse!
I think this doesn't need to come from you, first of all. It's your FI's SIL, he can be the one to talk to her and explain that it's an adults-only affair. You can offer to look for recommended sitters in the area to ease her burden if she plans on being at the hotel perhaps? I know that's adding one more task to your to-do list, but this is a tricky situation because of how close she is to FI in terms of the family web.
I normally don't mind childless weddings, but it feels weird to me when you have kids of your own but want no children. In my last life (lol) I would've wanted an adults only wedding, but I have a 2 yo, so I felt weird telling others to leave their kids at home,.kwim? That's just me though.
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Ok so I did a play date with my fiances sister in law and she informed me.... actually SHE TOLD ME that her 2 kids WERE coming to our wedding! She didnt even ask and I feel like that was rude. I didn't know what to say to her. I believe a wedding is an adult event UNLESS they are your own. We each have a 4 year old and they are in the wedding so they will be there but other peoples kids??? No. This may sound kinda bridezilla.... but its my wedding so I should be able to say yes or no.
We are having a destination wedding. Us living in Sacramento and getting married on the beach in Lake Tahoe and they live in the bay area and I understand about babysitters and stuff but I think they can make it happen.
Plus our reception venue can only have a maximum of 100 guests. Our guest list is 120 (some we know wont come but we are still inviting) and we already sent out Save the Dates to everyone so its not like I can univite people especially for children who dont appriecitate a wedding.
So basically I need help on how to deal with this????