Post # 1
I’ve had a pretty awful week to be honest. This time last week I got a call that my friend had a few weeks to live so another friend and I got into a car last Friday night and drove a couple of hours to wear our friend has been with her family, booked a motel and spent an evening gossiping with our sick friend in the hospice.
We saw our sick friend the next morning, hugged her goodbye, had a few laughs with her and promised we would be back to see her. She looked so much better that morning.
She died that afternoon. I’ve felt like rolling up in a ball and crying all week. She was only 25.
Tomorrow I have to go to her funeral and although I know that a black dress and black pantyhose are the right things to wear, my friend loved bright greens and blues. It is the silliest thing but I feel like being a bit bright would put a smile on her face if she was still with us. I don’t want her to be “just another funeral” because she was so much more than that.
At the same time, I appreciate that her grandparents will also be at the funeral and older family members so I don’t want to offend anyone.
Is it appropriate to wear a coloured top with black? Or a bright scarf? Is that a good compromise? Or is it only safe to wear all black?
Post # 2
cat89: I think a bright scarf with a black dress is fine. Really sorry about your friend.
Post # 3
cat89: I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. I am glad for you both that you made the quick decision to go and visit right away – what an awful reminder about how precious time is.
I think if you have a scarf in some of her favourite colours that you could wear with a dark coloured dress then that would be the perfect way to respect both the family members and the way you would like to honour your friend. I wouldn’t think twice about seeing someone in a more brightly coloured outfit at a service, but think that a more conservative approach (such as the scarf) is a very considerate option.
Sending you my warmest thoughts to get you through tomorrow and the days that follow.
Post # 4
I am so, so sorry. What a tough thing to deal with. I think wearing a brightly-colored scarf or statement necklace or even a colorful pair of shoes with your black ensemble would be a wonderful way to honor your friend. The rules are sort of changing anyway, aren’t they? It used to be only black for funerals but now you see some people wearing other colors.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry for your loss. My brother lost one of his best friends aged 21, and it’s a horrible thing to go through.
I think the idea of a colourful scarf with a black dress is lovely. Perhaps take a colourful jumper too, and if it looks ok/appropriate when you get there you can slip it over the top of the black dress?
I had my grandpa’s funeral yesterday and he had put in his will that we weren’t to wear black, which was actually quite nice. It was a real celebration of his life, as well as saying our final goodbyes.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow x
Post # 6
So sorry for your loss… 25 is just way too young… my eyes are swelling just thinking about it.
I think all black with that bright scarf would be perfect!
Post # 7
Thank you all for replying. Its been so hard to figure out all of this. ( not just the clothes!) Last thing I needed was to be dithering what to wear before we left this morning. Next stop figuring what to say I guess.
I’ve decided to take layers as some bees suggested, if others are wearing bright coloirs I’ll pop a cardigan on that is a bit brighter as well as the scarf.
Kellym84: sorry to hear about your grandfather But also how wonderful you got to celebrate his life. Thank you for the ideas.
Miss_Mae: yes I feel like going to visit my friend last weekend was the best decision I’ve ever made! Thank you for your kind thoughts!
Post # 8
cat89: you’re a great friend. sorry for your loss.
(wear the scarf!)
Post # 9
cat89: So sorry about your friend, hon. DH’s grandma just passed a few weeks ago, and I wore a bright coral/pink top (and a floral skirt) because she wanted to wear the same color coral/pink shirt to our wedding, but her daughters wouldn’t let her. No one batted an eyelash, and I was glad she could “see” me wearing her favorite color.
Post # 10
cat89: I am so sorry for your loss OP.
As a funeral director, I have seen some pretty inappropriate things at funerals… And a big thing many people do not realize about funerals is that yes, it is a time for grieving, but it is often a time of rememberance & celebrating that persons life no matter how old or young they were. I worked one service where the entire family wore any color purple shirt…it turned out to be wonderful.
If your friend liked those bold beautiful colors, wear them in any way you think is appropriate. The family should understand and hopefully appreciate that you are celebrating your friends life. Traditional all black funerals are slowly fading out. But if you are feeling self conscious, the bright colored scarf is a great idea. Maybe some cute flats/small heels?
Good luck to you OP.
Post # 11
My dearest, dearest Aunt died quite suddenly last Spring, and one of the last things she complimented me on was a shocking pink knitted coat, so I wore it to her funeral.
There’s NO question at all in my mind that SHE approved.
Please accept my sympathy in your loss. I hope you are left with many treasured memories.
Post # 12
cat89: first of all, i am so sorry for your loss. I know how scary it is to lose a friend so ypung. I lost a friend and he was only 14, I was 16. Sad. Tragic and one of those things we will never understand why it had to happen
maybe you can wear black and maybe wear a bright blue or green accessory? Necklace, bracelet, brooch?
Post # 13
I see nothing wrong with wearing a pop of color as a nod to your friend. I had to arrange a quick memorial service for my dad and I insisted that no one wear black. Everyone seemed cool with it.
Post # 14
cat89: I think a scarf in your friend’s favorite colors is a wonderful way to celebrate her life. I am so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for others that have lost friends or family members, also.
Post # 15
I am so sorry for your loss. Wear what you feel comfortable wearing, but remember that funerals are for the living; you’ll find a good balance between honoring your friend while still attiring yourself appropriately. I wore polka dots to my mom’s funeral and a really cute cardigan with some playful ruffles. I thought about wearing a fascinator, because I knew my mom would appreciate me adhering to my personal sense of style, but I held off on that detail since it was also important to me that my family know I was taking the event seriously. But don’t worry about what to wear too much. Focus on your loss and be kind to yourself.