Please Help – Crazy Situation

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Well– first things first, does your partner know?  

Next, what do you want to do?  I can’t tell if you are asking about pregnancy options or just advice on how to tell people that you’ve moved on and are having a baby.

Post # 4
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

@CathyConundrum:  Has this new boyfriend but old friend been in love with you, but just couldnt be with you since you were with your ex fiancé ? 

I know this is all so crazy for you, but, you have known him for 7 years and he is your best friend, so be assured he will raise the baby with you. You feel he is the right one, and it although it is all happening very fast it doesnt mean it wont work out because you became pregnany so quickly.

Look at it this way: you wasted all your time with a cheating fiancé, and you have now made up for all this time with a best friend and baby all at once :-).

Post # 5
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

@CathyConundrum:  Has this new boyfriend but old friend been in love with you, but just couldnt be with you since you were with your ex fiancé ? 

I know this is all so crazy for you, but, you have known him for 7 years and he is your best friend, so be assured he will raise the baby with you. You feel he is the right one, and it although it is all happening very fast it doesnt mean it wont work out because you became pregnany so quickly.

Look at it this way: you wasted all your time with a cheating fiancé, and you have now made up for all this time with a best friend and baby all at once :-).

Post # 6
Member
3433 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Your parents love you, and they will love their new grandchild.  I’d recommend telling them about the new guy FIRST, then worry about announcing your pregnancy after you’ve hit the 12 weeks mark (many people don’t say anything before this point anyway, because then you’re past the point of most complications).  

You’ve known this guy forever, has he met your parents before? Hopefully this can help ease the explinations.  Also, they will appreciate a guy who was there for you during arguably one of the hardest parts of your life. 

Take a deep breath, let it out, then take another one.  Worrying about it wont make it better, it’ll just make you more stressed. 

Post # 7
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CathyConundrum:  you have to tell your partner, he will find out sooner or later when you start to show.

Post # 8
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@CathyConundrum:  I’m assuming that your new guy knows? Obviously if you’re going to keep the baby, you’ll have to come forward eventually. Your parents may be old school, but most old-school parents tend to come around to being supportive and loving towards their child and grandchild. I would broach the subject as early as possible to give them time to get used to the idea.

Post # 9
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@CathyConundrum:  Ok, first big hug! I’m sorry you are in this situation. Here goes:

Tell the baby’s father before you do anything else or decide anything. You say he is the right guy and that he has stood by you through everything – he deserves to know what is going on and he deserves the chance to voice his opinion.

 

Other than that, I really can’t offer any advice at the moment other than to stay calm and take care of yourself. I’m not sure whether you want advice on how to break the news or if you aren’t sure whether you want to be a mother at the moment, so I can’t really offer any other advice at the moment.

Post # 10
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@CathyConundrum:  I can understand why you’re worried. You’re probably afraid it’ll look like your wedding was called off because you were the one cheating and are now pregnant to this new man.

Scary! I’d explain it of course first to your man, then to your mom or whoever your family confident is. Give them the detailed, honest, long version. They will understand. Then at least you’ll have an ally when telling everyone else.

It’ll be hard at first and you’ll probably feel judged a lot but if you’re going to continue with the pregnancy it’s best to get it out now. Like ripping off a bandaid. Just tell everyone you must and they’ll think whatever they want to think anyway.

Then it’ll be over and you can move on without the anxiety 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@CathyConundrum:  Well…I know what I would do. But that’s me!

You never said anything about how YOU feel or what you want to do. Are you asking for advice on how to break the news or what to do with the pregnancy?

I would absolutely tell your new partner. If you’re serious about him, you cannot start out keeping something like this from him. It’s early on, but this is the sort of thing that can reveal a lot about a relationship. If he is really the right guy, this will definitely make you guys stronger if you work through it together, whatever you choose.

Post # 12
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CathyConundrum:  Have you decided if you would like to keep the baby or not?

I can’t tell from your post so want to be able to offer advice helpful to your situation.

If you have decided to keep the baby, the best way to go about telling your parents is the band-aid route.  When you are comfortable announcing the pregnancy, just go for it and tell them asap.  They might be shocked at first, but baby’s are wonderful gifts and they will eventually get over their shock and love their grandchild!   

If you haven’t decided yet to keep the baby, then you and your partner should sit down and take the time to discuss all of your options before you come to a decision. You do have a choice.

Best of luck to you. I’m glad you decided to move on from your ex and have found the wonderful guy you deserve!

Post # 13
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Holy cow! I remember your story. God works in mysterious ways Bee! You have nothing to be ashamed about – a 30 year old getting pregnant is not really that scandalous. Your parents might be a little shocked at first, but they will be fine and happy in the long run that 1) you didn’t marry a jerk, 2) you ended up with a good guy, and 3) you are giving them a grandbaby! Congratulations!

Post # 14
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

i don’t mean to sound judgmental but what did you expect when you had unprotected intercourse? 

As for the guy: I assume he knows? If not, definitely tell him!! If you’re considering an abortion, you don’t wanna do it behind his back and have him hate you for it if he finds out. Maybe his point if view will lead you in a different direction, who knows. 

If you decide to have the baby, don’t do this hoping for the best. Yes it would be great if you guys can make it work but realistically you don’t know that at all. So if you’re not prepared to raise the baby as a single mom, I think that would be quite a risk having the baby. 

If you’re asking how to tell your parents. I dont think there is an answer because no matter what strategy of communication you choose, at the end the facts are the facts. You just called off the engagement and are now pregnant from another man. The facts are not going to shock them any more or less just because you wrap it in cotton candy. Prepare for some initial shock but I’m sure with time they’re going to be very excited to have a grandchild. 

If you decide to have the baby: congratulations 🙂 so many people are having babies in less than desirable circumstances and they manage and are happy parents with happy kids 🙂 kids need loving parents / moms / dads. As long as you provide a happy home, the rest will be fine. 

Post # 16
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@CathyConundrum:  Truthfully…yes this will look bad as someone looking in from the outside and not in the situation…but screw what ppl think you got out before it got a whole lot worse with a marriage and you and your new guy know the truth. Things happen…yes even mature, smart adults make silly “should know better” accidents. You’re 30 have a good job and supportive SO not a 18/19 year old who has no job or stability to offer your child. You guys have known each other for a good while and yes things are moving fast but sometimes thats how these things work. My mom and gram are old school so I understand where your coming from. Like I told an ex friend of mine when she found herself pregnant and scared to death to tell her mom (after miscarrying a month or 2 before that) don’t stress you already know that your keeping the child so you have to tell at some point in time. I say let your parents know about your new guy in the up coming weeks and lay the ground work. If they already know him as a friend you can explain how he was there for you after the break up and you guys formed a realationship. Then at the 12 week mark plan a trip and if he can go along let him go. He’ll be there as support for you and to show your parents of that fact as well. Honestly high chance they will be either shocked and that lashes out as anger or shock and its moreso disappointment. However they will get over it in due time. My mom wouldn’t want me to get pregnant right now but have made comments about having a lil gran to go out with and stuff. If they take a while to warm up to the idea I feel that by time as the child is born they’ll be over it. Good luck best wishes on your new relationship and Congrats on your lil bundle of joy!!

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