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if you give her the out, but not like you are kicking her out, she can make an informed decision for herself.. but give her a deadline, because you don't want to be surprised too late in the game. I think that if asked gently, it'll be appreciated.
You should definitely ask - just frame it like you're helping her, not kicking her out. ("I understand you're really stressed and busy - it might be very difficult for you to be able to [insert responsibilities and deadlines here]. I wouldn't be at all offended if you weren't able to be a BM.") That way, you make it clear that she needs to do certain things to be a BM and offer her an out in case she can't.
I agree with GIrlWithARing- let her know that you understand if this might be too much for her to handle at this time with everything that she has going on. As a bridesmaid you do need for her to do her part, but if it just isn't the right time then you're willing to let her decide.
i feel like I've already had a little bit of this early on with my MOHs and so I spoke with them individually and just had a heart-to-heart. Being that this was their first time they were clueless as to how involved they should be, but after communicating everything we're all on the same page now.
Hope things turn around- with everything going on this is one of the last things I like to be stressing about.
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This is kind of a follow up to my last post (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-didnt-think-id-have-bm-drama )
My MIA bridesmaid FINALLY emailed me back about her lack of responses to my many emails/calls. She said her job search has been super stressful, and consumes ALL of her time. Which is why she hasnt' been able to look for a dress for our wedding, respond to my emails, or emails from my MOH. She also said she hasn't been able to find a "really cheap" dress yet. I understand she's in a really tough spot right now, especially since she's been unemployed for the past year. Her parents have been supporting her from across the country.
As much as I want to keep her in the wedding party, I feel bad putting her in that financial position. The other bridesmaids planned on splitting the cost of my shower, which as we all know can add up quickly, and I'm not sure she even read that email yet. On top of that, she insists on getting her hair/make up done (although I'm not requiring it, and it'll cost about $150), and she's got to buy a ticket to fly home from the west coast for the wedding.
The whole situation has got me really stressed, and I feel horrible about it. Now, I'm not sure if I should offer to let her bow out and come as a guest so she wont have to stress over the financial aspect of it, or just ride it out and see what happens. I think she'd be mad if I asked her to step down. I feel like it's not being fair to my other bridesmaids who have all gone above and beyond for me during all of this planning.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated...