- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
im a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding now and have a question about how to handle costs of the bridal shower.
i received an email from the groom’s mother asking if the bridesmaids were planning a bridal shower for the bride (though the bride told us she did not want one). the groom’s mother said that she knew the bride wouldn’t want to trouble anyone (probably true) and offered to help with expenses.
i told the groom’s mother that i’d be happy to email the other girls and help coordinate but that it would have to be a joint effort.
i started an email chain between the groom’s mother, and the four other bridesmaids who also supportive of holding a shower. the bride’s sister (MOH) added her mother to the email list as she had wanted to help out as well.
the groom’s mother offered to cover the cost of the rental of the community center, and when we started talking about what to do about food, the bride’s mother said she could make a few lasagnas and other dishes which should take care of it.
we started talking about spending for other things (invitations, decorations, supplies, etc.) and the groom’s mother mentioned we should keep track of what we spend so we could share costs at the end.
i did the invitations and the other bridesmaids (not incl. the MOH) were interested in the decorative stuff so i told them to do what they wanted but reminded them to to try to be frugal and simple with things so that costs did not get out of control (they can be pretty extravagent with spending which worried me).i even suggested establishing a budget which no one responded to.
i sent a separate email out to the bridesmaids and MOH saying that since the groom’s mother was handling the rental, and the bride’s mother was handling the food, perhaps we could share the costs of everything else since it shouldn’t be too much, but please let me know if anyone was not ok with this. no one responded.
after the shower when we listed out what we had all spent it came to around $600 which i thought was pretty excessive (i was expecting more like $300) but whatever. after calculations i would end up owing since invites + stamps were only 75, and the MOH would end up owing since she hadnt purchased anything.
i sent the calculations back to the group and asked the MOH is this was right or if she had purchased anything i wasn’t aware of.
she emails back and says that the cost of the food was $150 so i would need to redo the calculations.
i explained i was under the impression that the food was taking care of by her mom, and the rental by the groom’s mom, and we were gonna split everything else.
i haven’t heard back yet but i sort of feel like the MOH is trying to get out of her share. as is, splitting the costs is way more than i can even afford and adding the cost of food would make it even worse.
my question is how are these costs usually divided up? or how should they be divided up in this situation?
technically the ‘host’ as written on the invite was “MOH and bridesmaids” (the groom’s mother wanted it this way). but we all had a hand in planning. so i would think that the only fair ways of handling costs would be to 1) either total everything (rental and food included) and divide by 7 (4 maids+MOH+grooms mom+bride’s mom) or exclude food/rental and divide all other costs by 5 (4 bridesmaids+MOH). or would the bride’s mother and MOH be considered “one person” because they are part of the same family?
please help with etiquette advice! thank youuuuu!! 🙂