Please help, how to stop the routine and falling in love again??

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

Correct me if ‘m wrong, but I want to make sure I’m reading this right…you payed down approximately $20,000 in debt for him?  If so, has he paid you back?

You also say he has not asked his groomsmen to be groomsmen…how long have you been engaged?  When are you due to get married? Given his money difficulties, how did he pay for your e-ring? Is he contributing towards the cost of the wedding?

Post # 4
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

FI and I have been dating now for 6.5 years and of course, we are in the comfort zone as well with no real romance.

But we TRY. We both commit to a nice fancy date night every month, and make sure to thank each other for the little things. Being in a long term relationship, marriage or engagement, you have to value each other’s needs, and grow together.  I think this is one thing I love about my FI, he is always trying to better himself as a person both for himself and for our relationship.  We aren’t crazy in love and giddy like we used to after all of these years, but we truly love and respect each other. But that took a lot of work too! 

I think you should have a serious discussion with FI, and tell him it takes two ppl for a relationship to work and stay healthy.

If he’s not committed to changing and growing with you, he’s not the one for you.

 

Post # 6
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

OK I see… I asked because I was trying to figure out how emotionally invested he is in the upcoming wedding.  If he is contributing to the cost then he could just be dragging his feet with the groomsmen.  Some men are just not all that excited about the wedding planning details.  October is still enough time where I wouldn’t be terribly alarmed. 

 

As for the other issue … Im sorry but its possible that you may be killing his attraction for you with the constant nagging.  I forget the name, but I read an article some time ago where it said when a woman takes on a “mother” role, over time this affects the man’s attraction towards her because he sees her as a provider and nurturer and not as a sexual being, a partner, the woman he fell in love with.  The best way for him to see you as he once did is to be the woman you once were.  Encourage him without mothering him.

 

All relationships go through changes over time and that giddy butterflies in the stomach you have in the begginning will eventually subside, and that’s normal.  You BOTH have to make an effort to still “date,” and work on your relationship.  I know my SO and I like the previous poster said have a monthly date night.  We usually go out more than once a month, but we force ourselves no matter how tired or what else is going on to “date,” a MINIMUM of once a month.  We have a “family date,” with the little one and our alone time as well. The same goes for vacations.  We have family vacations and we also have romantic vacations where the places we stay at places have a children not allowed policy.  It takes time and effort but this was something we have discussed and we both agreed on.

 

“If he’s not committed to changing and growing with you, he’s not the one for you.”  The PP was completely correct ^^^^^^   Just make sure you are not the only one putting in the effort, it needs to be both of you.

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Its simple, read Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover and make him read it. Money is the number one cause of divorce…. You two need to get on the same page and make a plan for your money. Without a plan frugality is just being cheap to him.if you learn to get on the same page and work together with money, then I promise your relationship will improve. 

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@gpiglet:  Right now, you’re stuck in a rut where you are his “Mom” and he’s the cook kid that doesn’t want to be a grown up.  Not very romantic.  You deserve a relationship with an adult, and the only way you’re going to get that is with his buy in.  I would sit down and talk to him about how your relationship can work without resorting to nagging.  He needs to contribute as an equal partner, but he needs to be the one that decides how and follows through.

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