Post # 1
Bees, I need a quick favor! My parents are paying for more than half of the wedding. It’s a huge huge deal. I want to be sure to put a special thank you in our program for them. My problem is with the wording.
I don’t want to give the feeling that I am just thankful for them ponying up the cash (I don’t want anything crass) but I also don’t want jsut a generic thank you to our parents (his dad isn’t even coming and his mom was in no position to help financially. Both my parents and his mom were mentioned on our invitations, and there will be a guest wide thank you for everyone coming somewhere else in our program)
Any ideas? So far the best I can come up with is:
We would also like to take a moment to give our very humble thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Asia’s parents, whose generousity helped to make this day happen. Thank you very much for the contribution of your time and resources towards our wedding. We truly could not have done this without you. All our love- Asia’s Fi and Asia
That obviously does not roll off the tongue. 😛 Is there any sort of resource for this? Is there some perfect wording out there that I just don’t know about? Help please!!!
Post # 3
Thanks for the love and support from all of our family and friends – this day is for you as much as it is for us.
In particular, we’d like to thank ParentsNames. Thank you for helping us have the wedding of our dreams. Love, Asia and Asia FI.
FWIW, FI and I are thanking my parents (they’re paying for over half of our wedding by using retirement savings. We’ve told them not to a million times, but they insist, so it’s definitely really appreciated) by having them listed as the host on the invitation, and then at the reception FI and I will make a brief speech thanking everyone for attending, and in particular thanking my parents. We are not planning on including anything in the program.
I think most people kind of assume that the bride’s parents are helping pay, so it’s not necessary to do a huge “THANKS FOR THE CASH, MOM AND DAD!”, so just a simple mention in the program will stand out.
Post # 4
Just thank your parents for their love and support and for making the day possible. I’m not really sure honestly that the program is the place for thanking them for the $$. You should give them a nice note and gift privately.
Post # 5
I personally wouldn’t put it in the program, no matter who paid
Post # 6
Honestly? I’m no etiquette snob, so please don’t flame me for what I’m gonna say. But I think is a gauche (please no flaming!!) to make it obvious in the programs that your parents paid and his parents didn’t.
You can thank them in person, write them a letter, get them a gift or whatever you want. It isn’t necessary to write it in the programs so that everyone knows what they did and what the others didn’t. Especially considering that his mom can’t help financially, not that she refused because she doesn’t approve or something like that.
Post # 7
@Asia: You can always recognize their generosity verbally (i.e., a toast) rather than in a program.
Post # 8
Etiquette Snob here… lol
ANY Mention of money in any such way (money, currency, finances, economics) would be seen as being crass / rude and potentially an embarrassment to whomever contributed it
Traditionally the way that such an honour is given in title… as the Hosts of the event (which means their names appear first at the top of the Invitation).
In lieu of that…
The most you could say appropriately is to thank the Parents for being the awesome people they’ve been forever, and how they’ve always been supportive of your hopes & dreams.
(And leave it at that… don’t reflect upon the idea that that might translate into a “dream Wedding”… as it is too direct a statement. Stay general. Stay vague)
Hope this helps,
PS… In reality, your Parents KNOW the fact that they paid… and that you guys appreciate it. The whole world doesn’t need to know your family financial business (where this concept comes fom). And the last thing you want to do is highlight that someone didn’t contribute (ie his Parents) even if your intention is to highlight the Giver(s).
What you might want to do what others choose to do… buy them a nice present when you are away on your honeymoon… or treat them to a wonderful evening out just the 4 of you to thank them / catch-up when you get back home.
Post # 9
We would never dream of putting it in the program even though my parents paid for the whole wedding. And in your situation I would think your MIL would feel terrible if you just said thank you my parents for their gracious generosity even though she wasn’t able to help out financially. Having that in there for everyone to see might make her feel bad, like she didn’t do enough, no matter how you word it. I would just thank your parents with a specialy gift personally. There is no reason everyone has to know that your parents paid for everything.
Post # 10
@StL.Ashley: thanks for the example! It was actually a big issue that we did not list our parents as hosts on our invites. Our wording actually went:
together with their parents
invite you to share in their joy at their wedding
blah blah blah.
Fi and I are also contributing, and it was important to us to host our own wedding for various reasons. My mom was honestly a bit upset that a) they weren’t hosting and b) fi’s mom was mentioned on the invites. DX I told her they’d get their mention on the programs.
@MrsWBS: They’re getting a gift and a thanks in private. But it’s totally still necessary for us to mention them on the program.
@bebero: What I’m trying to avoid is making it seem like a comparrison between my parents who paid and his parents who didn’t.
Ok, working under the assumption that we ARE going to thank my parents in the program (on account of we are) can anyone think of a nice, not in your face kind of way of doing it? My reasons are stated above, and they aren’t changing. His mom got her spot on the invites. She will also have mention elsewhere in the program where we generically thank/mention our families.
Post # 11
Part of the problem is the fact that his mom COULD NOT help, should not make the fact that my parents SCRIMPED AND SAVED AND SACRIFICED TO HELP any less worthy of notice or thanks. They are seperate issues. We are not upset at all that his mom could not contribute, but just because we can’t thank them both for contributing does not mean that I won’t thank my parents for it.
Post # 12
I hope you don’t do this, as there is no eloquent way to do it, and would only make your FI feel worse about his parents.
Post # 13
@Asia: just because you think it’s necessary doesn’t make it necesary. Honestly, if I was the person who paid I would not want to be called out for it, especially if it was going to potentially hurt someone else. Traditionally, it isn’t the grooms parents who pay, so why make them feel bad that they didn’t?
Post # 14
There’s no way to do it without putting his family on the spot. just thank them both equally and don’t draw attention to the financial part of this whole thing. Then just thank them with a card or something personal, not public later.
Post # 15
@MrsTVLover: ????? I honestly can’t understand how thanking my parents has anything to do with snubbing his parents. Honestly.
Can a mod move this out of ettiquete? If there had been a board for programs or wording, I would have put it there. As it is, I’m thinking beehive or ceremony would have been better in retrospect
Post # 16
????? I honestly can’t understand how thanking my parents has anything to do with snubbing his parents. Honestly.
Because when we GUSH over one in a gift giving situation… it is assumed that we weren’t as happy, didn’t like as much what anyone else brought / contributed.
Proper decorum would say you accept graciously, and move on. GUSHING can take place with that person the Gift Giver one-on-one later in private.
By writing things in the Program you’d clearly be GUSHING. And that would be considered RUDE.
(Sorry, don’t know how else to explain it)
Hope this helps,