Please help, i don't know what to do anymore

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Sorry to hear this, I can’t imagine. Is he under a great deal of stress? Anything that could be bothering him. Finances? When will you know if he  passed his fireman’s exam? Have you talked about the wedding lately? Is he feeling rushed? Unless it is physical then most likely there is an underlying emotional problem. I have to ask, how is your relationship otherwise? Honestly. Are you still going out? Chilling at home? Visiting family together? Enjoying hobbies you bother share? Talking, laugh? Expressing verbal affection?

Post # 3
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you need to tell him that this is making you feel unwanted and resentful. Listen to the reasons he gives. A sex therapist could really help if he wants to work on it. 

Post # 5
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

absolutely_tati:  Thats tough. I think a therapist or consellor may help you guys. Unless you are  both willing to sit down and discuss it throughly

Post # 6
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You mentioned that you have talked about this before, what was said? Did things change after those conversations? Or were they basically you asking if things were ok and him telling you that he was just tired?

How old is he? Is it possible that his testosterone has just severely decreased? Was he having bedroom performance issues before this? 

As EncoreBridetoBe:  said, is he under a lot of stress at the moment? Does he feel unaccomplished in life? (Perhaps not getting promoted or a job he wanted, not getting a house or something?) These things can make a man feel less masculine and zap him of all desire. 

Was he a lovey person previously or did kissing mostly lead to sex? If the latter then it seems to all be related to a decrease in sex drive, if the former then I’m afraid that something is deeply wrong. 

Post # 7
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

absolutely_tati:  The red flag for me was that you wanted to discuss this issue for ‘the millionth time’. If it was something you hadnt already spoken about then the advice would be to do exactly that,sit and talk.However you clearly have talked to him about this,what sort of things does he say during these discussions?Does he say he will make more effort?does he explain why he seems to have lost his drive?

Regardless,if it were me i think i would back off a little bit,only because if he is feeling a bit of pressure to be loving it may well be making it harder for him. Although i will say that would probably be really hard on you.You are not wrong to want affection,sex and feeling loved by your man,no way are you wrong!

Post # 10
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

absolutely_tati:  Is there anyway that you could go away somewhere for a week or so? Perhaps he just needs some space (as we all do sometimes) and a chance to miss you. 

Does he himself feel the problem or does he try only to help you? Did he seem to want to discuss things or just want to get the conversation over with quickly? Would he be open to going to counselling? 

Post # 11
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

absolutely_tati:  Yeh as good as it would be to stuff it under the rug thats not fair to you and you really shouldnt. Maybe concentrate on fun stuff,lots of laughter and having good times,dates etc but with no pressure. I was in a similar position with my ex once and backed right off,didnt cuddle up in case he thought i had sex on my mind etc but it was all done in a good way as we had a week or so of pure fun where we went on a day trip or two,watched comedy and nothing heavy,laughed while reminiscing over funny things we had done,just had a good time basically and before long he was hitting on me!

Post # 12
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve spoken to my FI (of 7 years) about this, to offer you a man’s perspective on this:

1) You are in the planning phases of your wedding, and he may be over-working himself to be able to afford the event.  In which case, he is physically and mentally drained.

2) My FI was married before (divorced for 2 years before we met), and according to him, his ex-wife had gained so much weight, that he could not even maintain an erection.  

Here’s a video that might help:

 http://www.ted.com/talks/jenna_mccarthy_what_you_don_t_know_about_marriage

 

3) He’s actually cheating on you.

 

Personally, I know how you feel, because my FI and I went through this because of some health problems I was having.  My sex drive was non-existant.  Needless to say that this isn’t quite what you’re going through, but hang in there!  A drop in sex-drive/sexual activity is normal in long term relationships (dry spell).  If you truly love each other, you’ll get through this!

Post # 13
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

absolutely_tati:  counseling, and you might want to pause the wedding.

are you planning on kids? Because nothing wreck or changes a woman’s self esteem than a baby. If you are having these problems now, just wait until a baby comes.

That being said, dry spells are normal. What isn’t is not talking about them.

Post # 14
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I feel like I could have written this post word for word. Same thing with my DH. We have talked about it so many times that I don’t think he’s even hearing me any more. It’s now gone beyond sex to general intimacy, I am desperately trying to connect to him just on a mental level. I am hoping against hope that this is just a phase and with some patience and dedication we can get back on track. He doesn’t want to go to counselling though so I’m feeling very lost. Just wanted to say I hope you can sort this out because the longer this draws out the worse you will feel. I’m sending good vibes your way!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors