Post # 1
I don’t know if I’m being overly emotional because I’m on my period, but I’ve hit a breaking point. I want to get married, but I don’t want this big wedding or reception. Everyone else wants to see me in a big dress, fancy invitations, limos, receptions…etc, but no one has anytime to help me plan this stuff. If I’m not working my overly stressful job, I’m researching all this wedding crap that I could care less about. It is physically making me sick. I’m only trying to get through this to make everyone else happy, but in the mean time, making myself miserable. I’ve tried taking days and weeks off from wedding planning, but the feeling of wedding hatred doesn’t go away. I don’t know what to do. Do I need to hire a wedding planner or something to get through these next few months?
Post # 3
@coffeegal85: Follow your gut lady! Cancel if you need to. If you feel that you can’t (too much money invested already) then hire yourself a wedding planner. If you get the right one they will take everything over and you can just make choices from there research, or just chose to let them make the decisions.
Post # 4
A wedding planner maybe??! Or just elope
Post # 5
It really sounds like you reallllly don’t want a wedding. If this is an on-going hate for you, then simply don’t have one 🙂 One word: Elope 🙂
Edit: What does your FI think about all of it?
Post # 6
E to the L to the O to the P to the E 🙂
You will have nothing but regret if you let others dictate your day.
Post # 7
if you don’t want it, don’t do it!
if it isn’t going to make you happy, don’t do it!
if you are going to ask your self 3 weeks later why you spend your money on one day instead of on the rest of your life… then don’t do it!
I can not reiterate that enough!
There is no crime in having a small wedding with some close family friends and taking your family to a nice resturant afterwards. The bottom line in that your family isn’t going to pay and plan and go through the stress of throwing a wedding, they just get to go to the party, so of course they want to go all out.
Granted this is just my view on the matter becuase it is what I did, but don’t do something you are going to end up resenting. Get a dress from Macy’s that makes you feel lovely and march your FI down to the courthouse and just be done with it.
Post # 8
@Ms.GoodEarth: FI is the one who wants this big wedding, but can’t be bothered to complete any of his tasks, because he is busy with work. I tried to call him tonight about a limo decision, basically just give him my researched facts, but he couldn’t be bothered because he had to get to bed for an early morning meeting. He is out of town on business. I wouldn’t have needed to bother him tonight if he had completed the task when he was supposed to, instead of waiting for me to pick up the slack.
I project manage all day at work….its like I need to project manage my wedding resources. Its like I need to have weekly or daily status meetings. Wedding planning is another full time job.
As for the wedding planner, she isn’t going to tie the ribbon on the bubbles or faux-calligraphy the envelopes or the stuff of the invitations or create the place cards, etc.
Post # 9
@coffeegal85: It sounds like if your FI wants the big wedding, then really should be stepping up his game with wedding decision making. After he gets back from being away on business, I think you should have a real, honest conversation about what you want from the wedding and what he wants from the wedding. Then divvy up the tasks accordingly. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean that it’s automatically your job to plan the wedding!!
If in my relationship I wanted to elope and my FI wanted the big wedding, you better bet he’d be planning the wedding!!
Post # 10
Eloping would break my FI’s and the families’ hearts 🙁
I had a dress fitting on Saturday (already have the dress) and my mom couldn’t wait to see me in it again, since she hadn’t seen it in 6 months. How do I let her down and not have a wedding, when she’s so excited? I don’t have the bride gene, and I’m the only person to blame for it.
Post # 11
@Ms.GoodEarth: There will be no wedding or reception if I left FI to all the planning. Then all the guests would be left to wonder WTF was coffeegal doing? Society is still old school in thinking that the bride does all the planning.
Post # 12
If FI is the one who wants the big wedding, I’d say to tell him that he has to take at least an equal share in planning it. If he’s insisting on it but then dumping it all on you, it’s time to reevaluate this relationship.
“As for the wedding planner, she isn’t going to tie the ribbon on the bubbles or faux-calligraphy the envelopes or the stuff of the invitations or create the place cards, etc.”
Yes, but perhaps those things don’t need doing at all, or perhaps you can pay someone else to do them. Skip the bubbles, and send the envelopes, invitations, and place cards out to someone who will write out the addresses and place cards and stuff the invitations. A wedding planner should be able to recommend someone that can do all this.
Post # 13
The stress of paying for our wedding has made me hate planning it, it just isn’t fun. However, if its not something you want, then follow your heart!
Post # 14
Cut out the extra stuff (bubbles and crap) and focus on the big things first. If you get around to small details that usually mean nothing to anyone but you, you get around to it. If you don’t , you don’t.
A wedding planner to handle the big bookings like limo would ease your mind. I say go for it if you can afford it.
Post # 15
Will a wedding planner plan the rehersal dinner, make sure the MOBs and Bridemaids get their dresses, the groomsmen their tuxes, and plan the bachelorette party?
My FMIL doesn’t have a clue about the rehersal dinner. I had to force feed ideas through FI and her.
My sister, MOH, doesn’t have a clue about the bachelorette party and asks me a gazillion questions about it. For example, where should we do it? How much are your girls going to want to conrtibute? I don’t know? Isn’t that the MOH’s duties to find out?
Post # 16
You are stressing so much that it is making you sick. You don’t want all the things that go along with a traditional wedding. Your FI isn’t being of too much help. Stop! You need to step back from all of this and take a deep breath. A wedding planner is not going to solve this for you, other than managing details. A wedding planner cannot give you sanity. It’s insane to keep pushing yourself until you get sick. Your FI, if he loves you, would not want that! Choose a couple of things that make you happy when you think of your wedding. And focus on those things only. Who says you need a limo and a bacherlorette party, necessarily? If I were you, I would plan a spa day (not wedding related) or whatever makes you feel relaxed and pampered, and seriously chill out. And have a conversation with yourself, as if you were helping your best friend through this situation. Because you SHOULD BE your own best friend. Nobody else can lower your stress level about this except YOU. Best of luck . . .