(Closed) Please Help! Jewish Wedding Date Issues

posted 10 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

your uncle can’t/won’t come to the wedding presumably because he has to fly in a day early, which is yom kippur? and he won’t fly in earlier than that because…? this sounds like a problem with him, not the date. many people i know go to a different shul on the high holidays because they’re traveling to celebrate with family, so it’s not like it’s unheard of to go to another shul. however, i am definitely not a definitive source on all things jewish (and definitely not on orthodox judaism or on how the high holidays are celebrated in israel).

that being said, i originally thought that the period in between rosh hashanah and yom kippur was off limits for weddings (according to my mom, who sometimes makes this stuff up, so you probably want to double check that), so that time might not be that much better for him.

i’m assuming that sundays in early september or november aren’t available? if his presence there means a lot to you and he would otherwise come if it wasn’t the high holidays, i would change the date. but i would try to first fully understand his concerns before you switch it.

Post # 4
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I think the 12th would be the best in terms of Holidays, the 5th could make it more difficult for some and like you said awkward.  If there is anyway you could push it to November (but for relatives from Israel -November is the start of Israel’s 60th celebration) that might be better?  If not, stick with the 12th, find your uncle the orthodox shul.  You might have to make a sacrifice here, no Uncle, but your mom & grandmother.  Good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

I would do it sooner and skip the details/DIY stuff and delegate, delegate, delegate.  That way you can have the people you care about there which is really the important thing.

Post # 7
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

ahhhh, i see. in that case, i think you’re doing all that you can to make sure that he’s taken care of. i think you just have to sit down with your FI and weigh the pros and cons of moving the date. good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Given your personal situation, I say pick the date that works best for you and try to accomodate people like your uncle.  You won’t be able to pick a date that works for everyone.  That said, if you have a lot of Jewish guests, any weekend near the holidays will be challenging if they need to travel for your wedding.  I like the idea of moving it up if possible to September- might be worth it!

Post # 9
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Why can’t you use the 19th? I am getting married on the 19th and it’s a Jewish Ceremony with a Rabbi.

Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I’m sitting here with the calendar and I can’t seem to find a reason why the 19th would be a problem. It falls in the middle of sukkot, which is a popular time for weddings since people can travel, kids are off school etc.
 
Did the rabbi give you a reason for this? 
 
(about the 60th celebrations of israel that someone mentioned – why should that stop any israeli from flying abroad? they are starting next week and will go on for a while amidst a lot of complaints about the expenses and necessity of it all. All the more reason to go to a wedding in California!)

Post # 12
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

We’re having our Jewish wedding on October 12th also.  I am worried that some Orthodox family will not come because of travel difficulty, but I will offer to accomodate as much as possible. 

You are typically not supposed to have weddings during Sukkot (the 19th) and while Reform rabbis may perform the ceremony, your Orthodox uncle likely would not attend then anyway.  Having the wedding between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur though technically allowed probably still makes it difficult for him to travel with the various holy days in between the two holidays. 

I say if you’re happy with the date, go with it.  Give your uncle information about a local Orthodox shul and home hospitality options within walking distance.  Hopefully he will come, but if not, just realize that whatever date you choose will inevitably be impossible for someone and what’s most important is something that works for you and your fiance. 

Post # 15
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I feel for you–I’m Jewish and getting married this fall as well.  We opted to go before Rosh Hashanah this year though because I didn’t want to get married in November! 😉  I totally understand the predicament…

It does seem a bit weird to have the wedding after R"H but before Y"K, even if it is technically allowed.  When we discussed dates with our rabbi, some dates that seem "clear" for us would not be for him because the holidays are the biggest and busiest time of year for the rabbi too.

I guess you would have to think about how important it is to have your family from Israel there.  Is there any way a date in Sept would work for you?

B’Shaah Tova!

Post # 16
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I’m glad it’s looking up for you. Just wanted to say I feel your frustration! We were thisclose to booking a reception site on Oct. 18 because our Reform rabbi said he had no problem performing our Reform service then, even though it’s during Sukkot. We double-checked with my FI’s Chabad rabbi, though, and he let us know it was absolutely forbidden. So, we pushed it to Oct. 25 and had to find a new venue. Now, to figure out how to bring in a handful of kosher meals…

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