Please help me..

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

How old are you?

Post # 4
Member
4083 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Girl, this is your first boyfriend and you have only been together for 6 month.

I imagine you must be fairly young so I understand what it feels like losing your first love but you need to understand the way you feel right now, while intense, isn’t any different than anyone feels at the beginning of any relationship. Especially when it’s your first relationship and you are feeling things you’ve never felt before.

You shouldn’t marry this guy. And you probably won’t considering he’s already trying to dump you. Breaking up isn’t the end, you will go on and meet new people and explore and learn and love and be a better person for it. Neither of you are mature enough to be engaged.

In the future, I would hold off on any marriage talks until you’ve spent more than six months together.

Post # 5
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think that relationships should be this tumultuous only a few months in. Sometimes love isn’t eniough to make up for incompatibilities, which you clearly have if all you do is argue and talk about breaking up. If the relationship is the right one, neither one of you will be wondering if breaking up is the right option, especially after you’ve only been dating for 6 months.

He is leaving for the military — let him go. Don’t follow him, don’t try to maintain the relationship. I think space will be good for you both, and will give you both time to heal and move on and find people whose personalities and communication styles you mesh better with. He is not the one for you. I’m sorry your heart is breaking, this sounds very painful. But you also sound young, which means you have time to explore and find a relationship that is healthier and better suited for you. Good luck, bee.

Post # 6
Member
3836 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This sounds so unhealthy. Don’t let him be the one who has all the power, this seems like a relationship YOU need to leave.

Post # 8
Member
10388 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Sweetheart, with love and kindness, you are in love. The difference between being in love and loving some one is when you are in love you hold their priorities above your own. When you love someone it is more balanced, which is a stronger bond. 

Frankly, you are being very dramatic here. “He is my everything”, “I am going to die”… you might feel that way and it hurts, and sucks but it is a normal step in growing up and figuring out what a mature relationship is. This hurts now but it will make you grow and mature in the long run. 

He is right, this is not the right path to begin a marriage. 

Sorry hun. I know, it really really sucks. Hugs. You will get through this and be better for it in the long run.

Post # 9
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

People’s first relationship is always the most always the most difficult when this happens, it’s your first time experiencing these emotions. First things first, you will NOT die. If anything you will grow. If you two break up, learn and grow. Take time to understand what he was talking about and fix it to prevent it from happening again in your next relationship. He’s obviously wanting deep conversation, ask what he would like to discuss- hobbies, future, goals, ideas, emotions, politics and opinions, beliefs. This would fulfill his need for communication and allow you two to know each other better. You could even realize you two simply aren’t meant to be, and be okay with your reasons why!

 

I’m marrying my first boyfriend, honestly I wasn’t prepared for a relationship at the time. I had some emotional baggage that needed to be fixed for my relationship to thrive. Thankfully he’s been patient, but it takes time and determination to get things solved. If you want to be with him- and actually coexist together well, you need to be proactive and discover/work on how you can do your part to make a relationship better.

 

My bottom line, take this time to learn, reflect, and grow; if you don’t now it could hurt you later. Your age doesn’t matter, the number of boyfriends you’ve had doesn’t matter, how long you’d been dating doesn’t matter. You will live even though you’re hurting emotionally.

Post # 10
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It sounds terribly sad, but it’s your first love, and you’ve only been together 6 months. You really need to get more experience dating different people to find out what you like in a person, and how to have a mature relationship that isn’t just fighting and sex. 

Let him go. Don’t bother being friends (most people say they only want to be friends anyway to soften the blow of the breakup). Be on your own for awhile, and when you meet someone new you’ll know more about yourself – and what’s important in a relationship to you. 

Post # 11
Member
4307 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You aren’t working.  At 6 months you are fighting all the time and he’s going to be deployed in a month.  This is not the right relationship for you.  I say this with kindness: I am a military wife myself and I can tell from this one post that you do not have the maturity to sustain a relationship with a man in the military.  It is BEYOND difficult.  Even if he isn’t deployed, where you live would be dictated by where the government wants him to go.  I will also say that a lot of young soldiers get married quickly due to deployments, insurance, wanting to live outside the barracks, etc. and the majority of those relationships do not work.  My husband was active duty for 6 years, and is now in the reserves.  He said he saw guys getting married after 3 months of knowing a girl and they would be divorced another 6 months later.

My response may be different if you had been with him for a longer period of time, and if his response wasn’t so uncertain.  There is no room for uncertainty in the military.  If you or your boyfriend aren’t “all in”, sorry but there really isn’t any hope for the relationship to last.

Post # 13
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

dolovey :  I say this with all possible tenderness: if you have to run to the internet to decipher what he means and wants, you’re not having mature communication in the relationship. He’s telling you that communication and deep-level understanding is important and you’re trying to read extra messages into it … take him at his word. Take a few deep breaths, calm down, and stop throwing around the drama. Pretty much everyone survives their first love. You’ll be ok.

Post # 14
Member
4083 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

This is not the right relationship for you. Even if you make up you’re just going to end up breaking up eventually. 

Also, his message means he probably doesn’t have the balls to dump you right now so he’s going to hold off until he deploys (most likely) and then drop the axe. He’s also probably feeling worried and guilty over your reaction and is scared to break up with you for fear of how hard you will take it.

Honestly, I think this guy wants out of your relationship and has made that pretty clear. He hasn’t done anything wrong by wanting that, that’s just life. But judging by your post I imagine he’s scared shitless of what you would do if he stuck to his guns and really dumped you.

Post # 15
Member
514 posts
Busy bee

Psh. “Ruined?” That ass. 

He saying he wants to keep staying staying with you because he doesn’t think you can deal with a breakup. He thinks that by breaking up with you, you’ll be some kind of damaged goods. Like he needs to be your hero because you’re so emotionally weak. 

Chin up, girl. You are stronger than a breakup. 

Leave a comment


Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors