I apologize for my bluntness; wrote this in a bit of a hurry.
A few thoughts:
– 6 months is not long at ALL before getting engaged
– If you haven’t met each other’s parents, that means y’all don’t even know the families you would be marrying into. Trust me, you’ll want the support of family for when he’s deployed!
– Rushing into things is very common for military couples – there is that fear and pressure with deployments and trainings approaching, but really you need to take it at the right pace for YOU.
– It sounds to me like you haven’t spent enough time really getting to know him or thinking about what a life with him would mean. What are you going to do when he’s deployed?
– Remember – being together out of fear of being alone is not a good reason; it can easily cause you guys to resent each other after a while.
– Other things also come to mind – do you have any experience managing your money? Supporting yourself? Moving to a new place? It sounds to me like if this doesn’t work out, you could set some goals for yourself to be a happier and more experienced woman.
I asked some tough questions but as someone dating a soldier myself, these are things I’ve had to ask – what does his career mean for mine? What will our finances look like if I struggle to find work in a new location? What will I do while he’s deployed? What will that mean for raising any kids? How would we handle a pregnancy? How would I feel about leaving everyone and everything I know?
I think at that point if it were me, I’d at least put the marriage thing on hold and work on being in a long distance relationship if anything. It’s not ideal, but it can work. Maybe make some goals of important things to learn about each other, but also make time for little dates, even if that means watch Netflix together on Skype. Dating someone in the military means you HAVE to be able to lead your own life when they’re away. Have to carry on with work or kids, have to get the bills paid and make the time go by until their return.
Ultimately though, it sounds to me like he rushed in because he’s nervous about leaving and has realized it. In the weakness of the moment he enjoyed being with you, but then came to his senses again. Feeling like you would die without him is not healthy, and neither is it respectful (or even modern) of him to think you have been ‘ruined’. Heartbreak is just that – it feels like your heart is broke and can never possibly mend. But it will. People live and learn. You guys just sound to me like you haven’t laid the foundation of a solid, healthy relationship, but that’s okay – I honestly feel people often have less-proud relationships that they learn a lot from. I certainly did.
Red flags from your post, with my thoughts in parenthases:
“He is my first boyfriend and he is my everything.. (maybe you would benefit from more dating and life experience? Thinking that your partner is your life is common for first relationships) He’s in military and he has to leave in a month (I think it is very possible that you guys rushed into things out of fear of him leaving soon) now we’ve been dating for 6moths and we got engaged but he didn’t like when I wanted to post it on a Facebook and he didn’t want to tell anyone (wanting you to keep it a secret is a BIG red flag – why would he want you to keep it from friends and family?) from his work because he’s not close with them and he want his private and work separate so I understood him.
We made a plan to meet myparents this Saturday (this should ideally happen BEFORE you get engaged; two should be in a serious relationship before getting engaged; getting engaged does not make a relationship serious overnight)
He thinks we don’t ever talk like real talk (also a red flag; communication is very important in a marriage, especially in the military) except when we have a fight. He said all we talk is how are you doing did you eat How’s your day going stuff like that but it’s only because we talk 24/7 .. (Have you discussed career goals? Finances? Family? Having children? What it would be like to move around when he gets new PCS orders? Budgets? Values, ethics, morals?)
He has said that he thinks conversation is the most important thing in a relationship but he said we always have an argument for stupid little things..
tried to break up with him few days ago so I gave a ring back to him saying I’m not the right one for him but after that we hugged and we talked and I realized that I was too emotional and too moody and I realized I really love him (if you were too emotional to break up, then you may have been too emotional to stick to it? You may need to take more time and take a break to figure out what is best) that I can’t live without him..
we still had sex (I’m sorry but this is irrelevent; don’t take it as a sign of love) and we were good after that but all of so sudden he said we need to rethink all of it.. I’m so confused..
He said he still loves me and still wants to be with me but he said he doesn’t know if it’s right.. Maybe what we want ourselves to be isn’t realistic or something.. I can’t get it.. and he said even if things didn’t work and if we break up he would still care about me and would still want to be my friend. (Take it with a grain of salt; there is no way to know how he will feel when the time comes)
I can’t be a friend with him..
I don’t know what to do I feel lik I’m going to die..”