Post # 1
Dear beautiful Bee’s need some real advice here my mother seems to want to be a part of every step of MY wedding and just so you ladies know no shes not paying a dime me and Fiance are paying for everything. in fact she hasn’t worked in over 2 years and i help her and due to that i haven’t saved a dime in 2 years. she has not had a wedding of her own and i’m sorry for that but shes having a fit Caz I’m not letting her come with me and my bridesmaids to try on and pick there dresses out mind you this is not happening till November 2012 or January of 2013.
she just wants to takeover my whole wedding and shes not paying a dime!!!!
shes negative with everything she says about the wedding Caz shes jealous she never had one she got married at the court house. and i’m sorry for her but i’m supporting her and me and Fiance are paying for our wedding and she thinks i’m wrong when she TRIES to take over and force her opinion on me. i care but her opinion is always negative.
i don’t know what to do but i’m not giving her her way that’s for sure.
and shes just stressing me out all i want to do is enjoy this experience and plan an awesome wedding that i will love.
please bees some good advice from someone who’s been there would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
@HisNightOwl2014: She probably is having a hard time as much because she wants to be involved in this part of your life as because she feels she missed out, and if she senses you pushing her away, that’s probably making it worse.
I would try to be gentle and patient with her (but firm). Would it be so bad to let her come along to look at dresses, as long as you were clear with her beforehand that the decision rests with you?
You know your mother better than anyone on the Bee, of course. If she’s really being difficult just for the sheer joy of being difficult, maybe you can say, “I don’t understand why you don’t seem to be happy for me/supportive of this. If something is bothering you, would you like to talk about it? And if you’re really against the whole idea of a wedding, would you prefer to simply not be involved?” Try to keep your tone of voice neutral, and try really hard to listen to what she has to say. Good luck to you!
Post # 4
@KCKnd2: I agree!
I bet your mom doesnt want to miss out on anything and really wants to be a part of your wedding!
Is there a task you can give her? Something to keep her occupied and foccused on? I know my mom really wanted to be involved (and I wanted her to be), so I told her I really needed her to find me blue shoes, and i couldnt belive it, she found me the perfect pair of blue shoes!!! I was so happy and so was she 🙂 She also came to help with my wedding dress and all the fittings and helped up decide on a place
Post # 5
@Future Mrs K: That’s a fantastic idea – put her “in charge” of some aspect that you’d rather not deal with/don’t have strong opinions about/maybe falls into one of her areas of expertise? She’ll be happy, and busy, and (ideally) give you a little space on some of the other stuff.
Post # 6
@KCKnd2: i have involved her and i really want her to be there with me but to insist that she go for the bridesmaid gowns or she wont go to the wedding i mean really i know she wouldn’t miss it for the world. but she just wants to be involved in stuff that has nothing to do with her.
i plan on taking her and my fi mother out to dinner and to look for there mother of the bride/groom dresses.
and i would not mind her going except for her mouth lol she starts nit picking at everything it makes me absolutely crazy and i start to think if i just said ahh this is too hard im going to call it all off that she would be like ok. just to have me single and alone just like her. i told her im not your husband i don’t have to ask you permission this is my life! and my day. and the kicker is shes not paying a dime.
Post # 7
@HisNightOwl2014: How much does it matter to you to have bridesmaids’ dresses that you pick? Maybe you could get around this by choosing a color/length/etc. and asking your ladies to choose their own dress. I’m doing this with mine – I said please find a green dress, but it could be any shade of green and style of dress that fit their bodies, their budgets, and their personal preferences. (I did ask them to email me a picture of what they wanted to get before they pulled the trigger, and there was a little bit of horse trading to find stuff that would harmonize all around, but in the end they are happy and I’m happy!)
Of course, your mom might criticize a decision to do it that way … but you could tell her that it’s the trendy thing to do right now. My sister actually knows the CEO of Weddington Way (a bridesmaids’ dress supplier), and she told her that it’s actually become more common in the past year or two to have unmatched bridesmaids’ dresses than to have all the same one.