- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
Another fairly regular poster here, too ashamed to use my real account. I could desperately use some advice and please try to be kind because I want to do what I can to fix the situation. And I’m sorry that this is so long.
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. Things aren’t horrible (we don’t fight too often), but the romance is pretty much gone. I’ve tried everything I can think of like, talking to him, counselling, suggesting dates, initiating intimacy, but there seems to be little response. He is never mean to me, but he just seems to show little interest in spending quality time together doing anything really. He also rarely compliments me or says I look nice, unless he is trying to have sex. We rarely have sex anymore because I have zero interest in being intimate with someone who won’t show me the time of day outside of the bedroom.
Anyways, we work together. Not at a super professional career, but at a place that pays well and is covering us until we can start our careers (he has one year left of his graduate program and I am looking for work in my field). We like our jobs, but rarely see each other because we work in different departments, which is fine for us. The problem is that I’ve developed a crush on one of my new co-workers who we will call G. It’s utterly wrong and rediculous, I know, but I just can’t help feeling excited every time I see G. He takes time out his day to talk to me, makes me feel good and I love feeling important to someone again. There has never been anything inappropriate said (not even a “you look really nice today”) but I feel like we are both slightly flirty and I’m feeling really confused. Whenever we see each other we always end up going over and talking to the other person. The problem is that the three of us (me, G, and my husband) all work in the same place and I feel like things are getting awkward. My husband was an ass last week and so he showed up at work to pick me up with flowers. It would have been sweet but the flowers in no way made up for what he had done, so to me, they didn’t mean much. G happened to be walking up to talk to me at the same time my husband approached so he definitely saw my husband give me flowers. He asked me about it the next day saying “Was that your boyfriend who brought you flowers? That’s really cute that he just gave you flowers for no special reason” and instead of correcting him and saying husband I just said yup. The problem is that I also made the mistake of muttering that “flowers are only cute when they aren’t given as an apology”. I don’t know why I said it, probably was still mad at my husband, but I said it.
G asked if I wanted to talk about it, which luckily, I said I preferred not to as it was a private matter. However, now it’s been a week and G thinks that my husband is my boyfriend and that we are having problems (which we are). I feel like I should be honest and admit that I am married, but I have no idea how to bring that up in conversation because we never talk about relationship things (more day to day, school, interests, etc.).
Have I done something totally horrible? I feel horrible. I feel horrible that I am married and have these feelings towards someone else, and I feel horrible that I’ve built this friendship with some flirtyness and haven’t been completely honest with him.
I would love any advice, as to whether or not I should just keep my mouth shut and only bring it up if there’s a chance, or if I should just find a way to blurt out that I’m married. I don’t want things to get awkward at work, and I don’t think that anything has happened to make it awkward, but I don’t want things to get any worse.
Ugh I’m just so confused and I’m seriously worried that I married someone who won’t be able to show me that they love me, when there are possibly other people out there who can. 🙁