PLEASE help me!! Ex-best friend issues :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MrsBtoBe14:  If you can accommodate one more person I say avoid the unncecessary drama and invite her.  Being that her roommate is your bridesmaid, she may cause additional stress/drama with your wedding through your bridesmaid if you don’t.  Don’t promise to invite her at your upcoming meeting.  Point out that you thought your friendship was over and give her 3-4 specific instances where you invited her out or called her and she blew you off.  Pointing out the last time you hung out might also be beneficial.

Your wedding isn’t until June and at your meeting I would encourage her to hang out with you more often.  If she doesn’t, no invite.  If she does, invite her.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would just say you’re having a VERY intimate wedding, and there was just a LOT of people that you unfortunately couldn’t invite!

Post # 5
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@beachbride1216:  +1000 to all of this. This is great advice. Perhaps this is a good time to see if she will really stick it out and you never know, you might gain a friend back. 🙂

I hardly spoke to or saw my bestie for just over a year while I was in a different town in a sucky job living on my own. We kicked off again like it was 1 day when I moved back into the same town. Neither of us took notice that we hadn’t spoken in months, its just life. But shes now my MOH and I love her dearly, but I can see how if I was more sensitive, I would have assumed she was selfish and didn’t really want to be my friend, though that isnt the case. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MrsBtoBe14:  Don’t send her a Save the Date.  We didn’t send them to everyone, even people we knew we were inviting.  It was more about letting people who had to travel and family/friends we absolutely wanted to be there know to put our wedding on their calendar.

If you’re personally done dealing with this girl and nothing she could do or say from now until June would change your mind or rekindle your past friendship then there is no need for you to meet up with her to tell her why she’s not invited to your wedding.  Cancel on her and tell her it’s an intimate wedding and you haven’t been friend since X date.

If on the other hand you do hope to regain the friendship, then you should meet up with her and give her the chance.

Post # 8
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsBtoBe14:  I would definitely not send her a STD. She is so close (physically) to you she wouldn’t require one even if you fully intended to invite her. I would just (if she happens to ask about a STD) say you only sent them to OOT guests (which is just what I happen to be doing haha)

She really can’t hold the BM thing over you, and if she asks just say plainly “My bridal party is already full-up.” Its a perfectly reasonable response, you can’t just have it go on and on 🙂 We wanted sides to be equal and once either bride or groom is at their max of attendants (for us it was just 2 each) you can’t just keep adding people to your side.

Post # 11
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsBtoBe14: Are the other friends in the group invited? If not, then I don’t think you owe her anythiing.

If they are, I would not be afraid to tell her how she’s been a bad friend and how you feel she’s only intersted in your now because of your wedding.

I purposefully did not invite people to our wedding who I knew would fade back in oblivion afterwards. 

Post # 12
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsBtoBe14:  Or you could get her the line of “we are having a smally wedding so we can’t invite everyone”.

 

Post # 14
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsBtoBe14:  I would. It’s not fair for her to bully herself into your special day. Have coffee, catch up, and tell her you love her but the wedding is small and the guest list final.

Does your friend who is the BM know what’s going on? Should you let her know in case the girl tries to give her flack?

Post # 15
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If M and S are so close (and sharing a roof over their heads), how does S not alrready know that M is a bridesmaid? Don’t you think S will be pissed/hurt with M, as well (if not, more so than at you)?

I think if you are so concerned with making this S upset, I would first talk to M and see how she would like me to approach the meeting with S (i.e., does M want YOU to break the news to her, or would she like to do it herself since she has to live with the woman). Don’t invite S just because she is coming to you crying now.

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