Post # 1
My fh proposed on the beach and at the time the message in the bottle type invitations seemed like a great way to incorporate his proposal. Now, I regret the whole thing but don’t really have the money or the time to get new invitations and will have to make do with what we got. Please let me know what you think about the following invitation wording. Any advice or corrections are welcome. Please feel free to address any grammatical issues as well.
He hid the treasure on the beach and I found it! Come celebrate with us, A and B, as we exchange our vows and begin our new life together. The ceremony will take place on Saturday, April 7th, 2012 at thirty past six in the evening at the W Manor, Long Island with reception immediately to follow. Please RSVP by January 27th.
Post # 3
He hid the treasure on the beach and I she found it! Come celebrate with us, A and B, as we they exchange our vows and begin our their new life together. The ceremony will take place on Saturday, April 7th, 2012 at thirty half past six in the evening at the W Manor, Long Island with reception immediately to follow. Please RSVP by January 27th.
Post # 4
@juliasoko: Are you planning to have the invitation as a single paragraph, or does your message in a bottle permit you to have a more traditional format? I’m asking, because, if you have the space, you can make the invitation a bit easier to read and have certain things — such as your names and the date and time — stand out more than they would in a paragraph.
Also, you seem to be mixing elements of informality with formality. If you like the more formal look and sound of “thirty past six in the evening” or “half past six in the evening,” you should be consistent with the date and use “the seventh of April.”
Finally, “RSVP” already contains the term “please” within that abbreviation, so you would never want to say “please RSVP.” In fact, the best way in which to say this is, “Please respond by …” Will the response information be printed on a separate sheet of paper, or do you plan to include it on the invitation itself?
Post # 5
@elliestan: Thank you for all the corrections and I do understand that they versus us is probably more correct way to phrase the invitation etiquette wise. However, I feel like the new version looses the intimacy of having the couple inviting their friends and family and involves a mystery third party. Would it be totally inappropriate to leave it the original way?
@Brielle: Thank you for taking your time to review my invitation. I will definitely use the more formal format of the invitation and not just clump everything into a paragraph. Secondly, I guess I am leaning towards the less formal so six thirty in the evening will probably be the more appropriate way. Finally, I will definitely adjust my RSV statement. RSVP cards will be included separately.
Post # 6
@juliasoko: I didn’t comment on this before, since I was thinking you were going to go with the more formal wording. However, since you would like to have the language be more casual and probably won’t be saying “seventh of April” but instead will be saying April 7, I just wanted to add that you should omit the “th” after the dates (including the January 27 RSVP deadline.)
ETA: By the way, I just wanted to say thank you in return for allowing me to comment. I had a long career in communications and have spent so much of my time as a writer/editor. I have not yet found a simliar job in my new area (where I relocated after marrying DH), so most of the writing and editing I’m able to perform these days is for other bees in the Hive! lol
Post # 7
@elliestan: I think this is perfect.
@juliasoko: I would suggest going with Elliestan’s wording. It’s cleaner, makes more sense and sounds more like an invitation.
Post # 8
He hid the treasure on the beach and she found it! Come celebrate with A and B as they exchange their vows and begin their new life together. The ceremony will take place on Saturday, the seventh of Aril, 2012 at half past six in the evening at the W Manor, Long Island with reception immediately to follow. RSVP by January 27th.
Does everyone agree that this is the better phrasing?
Post # 9
I’m a little confused, do you already have the invitations printed? because you said you dont have time or money to get new invites. Or are you still in the process of ordering them?
I personally think the first sentence just doesnt really go with the rest of the invite. I would be a teeny bit confused by that part.
Post # 10
@bells: I have my message in a bottle invitation materials (bottles, corks, paper, boxes, ext). I will be printing the invitations myself and the first sentence is meant to explain the unusual inivitation. I am open to other suggestions. I know, this is all a big mess LOL.