Post # 1
I’ve gone anonymous for this since a few friends follow my posts on weddingbee but I really need some advice from the Hive.
Recently, FI and I got engaged and I now have a stunning engagement ring. We went and picked it out together, I immediately fell in love with a 2ct round brilliant cut with a very unique double halo. My ring is a Moissy equivalent, but we don’t have Moissanite in Australia yet and nobody has heard of it – so basically it is either a diamond or a CZ to most people. Because of this, we decided not to advertise what kind of stone my ring is. I did feel guilty passing something off as a diamond when it isn’t – we would not be able to afford a 2 carat diamond but we both adore my ring and I will be happy wearing it forever and not need to upgrade later.
None of this is a problem – but one of my close friends got engaged just before me and her FI spent about the same amount on a diamond for her from a chain store and it is under 0.5ct. I think it is beautiful and unique and suits her, but she openly talks about wanting something bigger and teases her FI about getting her a ring like mine. I brush this off and say nice things, but recently she found my EXACT ring advertised in a wedding magazine and it said it cost half of what mine actually cost and it said the store name (which only sells Moissy equivalent but most people call them CZ or just “fake”). She pointed it out and was joking about buying it just so she could have bling like mine, but then she pushed it and was comparing how similar they are. I felt really pressured, so I said that we’d been to that store and saw the design there and had it replicated elsewhere. (My ring is really unique and the shop has to custom make it from their existing design – so I’d always said it was custom made)
Now though, my FI is really worried the design will become well known and we will be seen as “passing off a fake ring as a diamond”.
What do you think I should do? I never planned to tell anybody it was a Moissy equivalent and have to justify our decision – I’m happy with my ring and don’t want the judgement associated with it – so I wanted to just let people believe it was a diamond. I did plan to tell this friend down the track, but I don’t think I can tell her now and I’m also not sure she would keep the secret – she’s pretty bad at keeping secrets.
Thank you Hive for any help you can offer 🙂
Note: I’d also like to add, I’d have no problem telling people it was a Moissanite if they knew what that was and how it is very similar to a diamond without any of the ethical issues – but if I tried to explain that people would essentially just think my ring was a CZ and it is a lot more than that.
Post # 3
Ohhh I really hope people don’t give you crap for this. I think I understand just not wanting to explain from the beginning, and I don’t think you owed anyone a gemology lesson, lol. But my advice would be just to tell you friend, because better that than she just keep pushing the issue, and it getting awkward. if you just tell her it should stop there. She’d be a pretty bad friend if she went and talked after telling her everything you just told us.
Post # 4
first of all, that is a mean game that your friend is playing. If she’s deliberately asking questions like that then it sounds as though she’s trying to ‘out’ you.
If I were in that situation I’d probably try and make her look stupid instead by going ‘you thought it was a DIAMOND?? Seriously?? Clearly it’s a moissanite- you haven’t heard of it? Oh girl, I’m so sorry, I thought you already knew about it! But you just wanted a diamond so you went with a smaller stone… FI got imported and everything…” etc etc.
Catty, yes, but a real friend wouldn’t try and make fun of you.
Post # 5
Tell her where you actually got it from? It isn’t a diamond, but it isn’t a CZ either. I have moissanite, when a friend asked if that was CZ price, I just said “I wish! Lol”.
Post # 6
Tough one. But you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything because it is no ones business what your stone actually is.
Post # 7
@anonbridetobee: You don’t have to tell her or anybody else. You don’t have to justify to anybody!!!
Post # 8
I’m confused about what your ring is though. It’s not moissy, and you say it’s not CZ, but what IS it?
Post # 9
On second thought, I have to clarify that I absolutely agree that you shouldn’t feel obligated to explain to anyone, but if you think your friend is going to keep trying to “out” you, it might be better to just tell her because then you won’t have the anxiety of keeping a secret. And then whatever she chooses to do with thta information will reflect badly on her, not you.
Post # 10
Why don’t you just tell her it is not a diamond, but another gemstone. If she asks about it further, explain. I would have really big ring envy too if I knew someone with a 2 carat diamond
Post # 11
Don’t engage her. It might be mean, but she’s being mean too.
Make her feel stupid for pushing it, and make her feel like she’s too ring obsessed and the whole conversation is boring. and/or play stupid.
Like say, “Omg, how can you talk about rings day in and day out!? I don’t know the specifics. My fiance did most of the work and I am just happy to be engaged to him – no matter WHAT the ring was. I didn’t play 20 questions with him.”
Or call her out on her rudeness. Shift the focus off your ring and onto how rude and stupid she’s being.
Post # 12
Let me just say oh my god Hive, I love you so much. I’ll try to reply individually.
@MrsSnowMountain: Haha! I was sooo sure I was going to get flamed! I think my FI wouldn’t be happy with me telling her because we both know how bad she is with secrets, not on purpose at all but it would get out and I think the only thing worse than a secret is everybody knowing you tried to keep it a secret and the truth coming out. In relation to your second response, I think that’s exactly true. No I don’t think she will push it again, my only worry was if the design becomes popular because it is so obviously unique and the exact same as mine.
@Miss Jackrabbit: I wish I’d thought to say that at the time, that is so funny! I think she is a bit jealous but mostly was curious, which is why she pushed it. She hasn’t said anything since and I have a feeling she knows it is from there and we don’t want to tell her / anyone, so she will drop it. P.S. I saw your intro posts on the blog and I love how different you are from the other bee bloggers, I think I did a happy dance that you and your FI met over a love of piercings 😀
@Anardana: I definitely would, if there wasn’t such a big stigma attached with this store.
@Soon2BStockhausen: Thank you – hearing this has made me feel so much better.
@lilsweetie: Thank you for saying that! I agree! I feel better already 😀
@distracts: Hahaha, I didn’t say in case it was somehow traced back to me and my ring but that’s a bit paranoid haha! It is a “Secrets diamond” from here: http://www.secrets-shhh.com/ – if you look at their “Our Stones” page it goes into detail and I asked more questions at the store – it is basically a lot more durable and brilliant and therefore expensive than a CZ. Basically I think of it like a lab diamond but not as hard as a diamond.
@ghiagirl893: I think if she brings it up again, I will tell her the whole truth and apologise for lying at all and explain all of my reasoning. And then hope she can keep the secret! I do honestly think it was just curiousity, she was surprised it was the same design, then surprised at the price and then surprised at the place it was from, so I think that’s why she asked me and then seeing it side by side with my ring she realised how similar they were and pushed a bit. I don’t think she’s a bad friend at all and I did hope to one day go “Hahaha, you will never guess what my stone is” and laugh about it.
THANK YOU AGAIN GIRLS. I LOVE YOU ALL. Thank you for replying and not flaming me 🙂
Post # 13
She knows it isn’t a diamond and rather than calling you out, it sounds like she’s giving you the opportunity to bring it up first. Just tell her the truth and clarify that you guys didn’t spend $$$$ on a blingy diamond, but you love your beautiful ring, etc. – projecting or deflecting will only make the situation harder on you.
Post # 14
I still really don’t think you have to tell her, even if she does bring it up again…
Post # 15
I really don’t get the feeling that the friend is being mean/trying to “out” the OP at all. Let’s not make that part of the problem too, b/c the OP never said it was.
Anyway, I wouldn’t know what to do in this situation. In the first place, I wouldn’t have compounded the lie by telling her that you had the setting replicated somewhere else. I hope she isn’t a very close friend of yours, because she could be pretty hurt that you led her on about the center stone, and lied about where you got the setting, especailly since you knew she loved it so much.
My best advice is to come clean and gently explain to her all the benefits of your stone. If she’s a real friend she won’t judge you, and maybe she will be encouraged that a ring like that really is attainable. Otherwise, you’re just going to have to keep covering for yourself, and if she finds out the truth, it could get ugly. That’s just my two cents. I personally can’t deal with lies piling on top of one another, even if it’s for just an acquaintance. For a friend even more so.
Post # 16
@lilsweetie: This is awesome advice – if it ever comes up from someone else or I get flustered by the questions I will definitely do the whole “I didn’t play 20 questions – I love the ring i don’t need to know everything”!