- 6 years ago
first time poster, would love some advice. going out with so for 9 years (met in school). we’ve never broken up, or really had any major fights over the time we’ve been together, aprt from the last year. due to work circumstances(or so i believe), we have also never lived together during this time.
currently, we are both living with our respective parents (ridiculous i know). he is in the process of buying a house with his dad (this did actually cause a huge arguement between us, as i felt i was not involved in this process considering we had been going out 7 years at that point, however i tried to make my peace with it and accepted his excuse that it was something he had to do with his dad as it had financial implications for their business blah blah blah.)
my excuse for living at home is that ive just finished a postgraduate masters and have started working again this year, and am trying to put a bit of miney aside and pay off some debts. i suppose im also hoping that i move out WITH HIM and am waiting around for that to happen.
up until a yeaer ago, we had never discussed marrige kids, nothing. i had thought about it a bit, but i suppose im quite oldfashioned and felt he should be the one to bring those things up. i had also been distracted with university and work worries, so it was probably not a priority for me until that time. last summer, something in me snapped and i had a serious chat with him about “where this was going” and what my hopes for the future were. he seemed completely agreeable with everything i said, and my fears were calmed. for a short while at least. however, he never brought it up again (unless i did) ,
some close friends got engaged (which upset me more than i thought it would) , we had a massive row over christmas as i felt the relationship was going nowhere and after making up (which essentially comprised of me telling him i was so unhappy that after so long together we didnt even live together or have any sort of commitment, and him saying he was doing all he could with financial pressures etc) he told me he could see himself proposing “around my birthday” (june).
so now it is july. any discussion on moving in together or the future has been instigated by me. he is always willing to engage in these conversations and never seems reluctant to have them. it is unlikely we will be living together until november at the earliest as he cant afford to put anymore money into his house to finish it. ive suggested finding a place to rent until then but he says he cant afford it. im PRESUMING he cant afford to buy a ring or get married (my pride has kept me from bringing this up in the last few months as i feel im verging on harrassing him into marriage). we were on vacation last week and i thought to myself “he really should propose now, but i just know he wont”. and i was right.
so after this extremely long winded post, my question is: should i be hanging around or am i being taken for a fool.
im sure he loves me, but i dont feel a priority in his life. i know ive played a part in this too, as iv allowed our relationship to trundle on for so long with no direction. im also painfully aware of the financial pressures in his life, but im 27 and sometimes i think, when you know you know……
please help, im sorry if this is poorly written, just very frustrated.