Please Help: No Plus One (+1) and No Kids

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

PonkiHoneyBee:  We had a similar issue.

We didn’t put anything about no kids on the invitation. You can certainly do that, some might find it tacky, but we chose not to. We did create a wedding website and put the link on our invitation. On the website, we put a little sentence in the section about our ceremony and reception that said “The bride and groom request the presence of adults only at their ceremony and reception”

We also have a FAQ page on our wedding website that addresses the no kids issue.

We gave plus ones to only some of our guests- those in committed relationships and to those in the bridal party. 

Our reply cards look like this:

____ seats have been reserved in your honor

M___________________ (this is where you could write the names in if you choose)

[] Will attend       [] Will celebrate from afar

____ out of ____ persons atending (you want the second blank to match the # of seats reserved)

 

When you fill out the # of seats reserved this lets the guest know if they get to bring someone or not. 

We are mailing out our invitations today, so I’m not sure how it’s going to work yet!

Post # 3
Member
9531 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You simply invite the people who are invited and leave off those that are not invited.

We put everyone who was invited on the outside of the envelope and actually wrote out each person that was invited on the RSVP so that each person could RSVP for each event (we did a Welcome Dinner, Wedding, and Farewell Brunch). The RSVP was pretty busy but it worked pretty well!

Post # 4
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Give all the single people and people with children a call before invites go out. Tell them what to expect when they receive the invite. For the single people- you’ll be seated with so and so, they’re always a good time! For the ppl with kids- we understand if you aren’t going to be able to make it.

Then address your invitation and RSVP with just the people you are inviting.

Post # 5
Member
7084 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Only address the invitation to the person invited. You could do the “_ seat(s) reserved in your honor” and write in the number too I suppose.

We put “adult reception to follow” because we knew people would be annoying about it. It’s not perfect etiquette but it sure saved us a lot of headaches.

Post # 6
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am anxious to see how this turns out myself.  I am sending out invites this week.  I wrote everything out on the inner envelope (Sarah and Guest or just Sarah), but we’ll see the results.  I’ve never gotten an invite and thought to myself “oh this person’s name isn’t on here with mine but I’m sure they’d love to have them!” Unfortunately, I know some people apparently do think like that.  Why can’t people just read and not make assumptions? 

Post # 7
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We only invited those that were on the actual invitations (like, on the envelope). Also, I don’t know if this is an option for you, but we had our RSVP’s done online. In doing so, we were able to list people’s names so that when they went to search for it, they could ONLY RSVP for themselves (and whoever else was on the invite). There was literally no way for them to bring anyone else without asking/addressing me first. 

Post # 8
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m addressing the invites to the people invited to the wedding. We’ve spread the information by word of mouth, so everyone with children knows what to expect at this point.. We also put ‘adult reception to follow’ on our info card.

Post # 9
Member
11731 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your invitation is addressed to who is invited.  That’s all.  If people add guests that were not included, then you have to handle that on a case by case by calling them and informing that, unfortunately, children or +1s are not being accomodated for your event.

We didn’t have any issues with extra unexpected guests being added on at all.  This site makes it seem like a much bigger issue than it is, sometimes.

Post # 10
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

PonkiHoneyBee:  There are a few ways to go about this……

  • word of mouth- basically telling people that you are having a child free wedding…..
  • use outer and inner envelopes- the outer envelope will formally address the family/friends and the the inner envelope states who the invite is for
  • for plus ones- only address the outer and inner envelope to the party attended (usually with a plus one the invite will state …….. & guest)
  • put on the formal invitation that it will be an adult reception (usually at the bottom of the invite people write “an adult only reception will follow)
Post # 11
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

PonkiHoneyBee:  On EVERY invitation write EXACTLY who the invitation is for. Don’t make people assume or guess. Don’t do “and family” or use the “but the adult children live at home” excuse. 

No kids and no plus ones, that is your choice but it is in poor form to write “adult reception” (it makes it look like you think your guests are stupid 😛 or at least that is the reason you are not suppose to write that). Everyone has to respect your choice whether they like it or not. That said, not extending a plus one does not mean you don’t send that guest their OWN invitation. “Miss Sally Jones”, will get over not having a plus one, much faster if you don’t rub salt in the wound by just sending an invite to “Mr. and Mrs Jones and family”.

I say this based on not just MY opinion but recent experience on this topic

Post # 12
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

JenGirl:  +10000 writing every name and not trying to lump families together (especially if the “kids” are over 18) really simplifies things

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