Please Help! Parental Ceremony Seating Problems

posted 1 year ago in Family
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee

I think both sets of parents should be sat in the front row and just behave themselves for the day. This is their sons weddding and they need to act like grown ups not children and force you guys to make such awkward choices. Just get along for the ceremony and reception its a 10 hour time frame at best.

Sorry you guys are going through this but I would tell them both exactly what I wrote, and would not accomodate eithers request, and if they could not be civial for one stinking day for the sake of their son then dont bother coming.

Member
26084 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree that divorced or separated parents just need to suck it up and behave in public for the sake of their child. Put them both in the first row. There’s plenty of room for the four of them.

Member
4736 posts
Honey bee

Does FH have a sister who can sit in between the two couples as a “buffer”? That’s what my sister did at my brother’s wedding. (I would have been there too except I had to get up to do a reading).

Otherwise the two partners could be next to each other (perhaps with space in between). So they could be seated in the order: father, father’s gf, mother’s husband, mother. Or vice versa. Dad really can’t sit 3 seats away from his ex for 20 minutes?

Needless to say, sit them at different tables for the reception,

Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee

Ultimately, I think you should have your fiance decide where he wants them sitting – if he’s happy for his mother to sit a row back (after you’ve explained how it will look), then that’s fine.

My cousin was in a similar situation when he got married – his mother (my aunt) ran out on the family when he was about 4 and he didn’t see her again until he was nearly 12 and, while he tried to repair the relationship, he wasn’t prepared to have her as a key part of his wedding. It doesn’t help that she can be quite a dramatic person and will often make a scene or draw attention to herself.

 

Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

My parents are divorced. Nasty divorce 3 years ago. My father left for my mother’s friend that is 25 years younger than her and my father. :-/

I am having my father walk me down the aisle and my mom sit in the front row or they will end up both in front row on opposites sides down the aisle.

Good luck!

Member
1861 posts
Buzzing bee

First of all, that sucks, and I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with it.

I think it’s worth pointing out to your FI that both parents “should” be in the front row, and that they’ll actually be a lot closer to each other if his mom is sitting directly behind his dad. If you’re going to have her do something with the candle up front, she WILL need to either be in the front row or on an aisle seat, because otherwise it’s going to be clumsy as hell. As PP have suggested, you could seat them in the first row with a large buffer in between.

However. If you explain this once and your FI is insistent as to how he wants it, I suggest just saying “OK, I hear you,” and letting him handle it. This is not some BS “because he’s the man” perspective, but info gleaned from growing up in a blended family, and from having a husband who is not super close to his own family. Giving your perspective is always OK (you’ll be part of this family too!), but it’s always best to recognize that there’s history there that you haven’t lived, especially when divorce is involved, and so his preferences ultimately carry the day when it’s his family.

 

Member
959 posts
Busy bee

DH has divorced parents that requested to be sat on different tables at the reception. Well, that didn’t happen. We didn’t talk to them about it, just sat them at opposite ends and everyone was very civil. It has not been mentioned since either. Just say ‘ill see what I can do’ for your FFILs request :-)

Member
959 posts
Busy bee

It is only a suggestion and a bit out of left field, but could you put the FMIL & FFIL on the front row and their respective partners behind them.? It’s really only for like 30 minutes of their lives and for the sale of their children? I realise this could be awkward, but it’s not like they would have to be separated from their partners all day..?

Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee

It’s one thing to sit in different tables another for the ceremony, I thin by putting them at opposite sides of the bench and they should be fine because they should be paying attention to the ceremony.

That being said it’s your Fi parents and I thin ultimately his choice. Voice your concerns then make it clear he has to explain his choices to his mother not you.

Member
590 posts
Busy bee

Ugh I totally feel your pain–we have the same problem. FI’s bio parents haven’t seen one another in like 15 years and still shit-talk the other one constantly. We’re solving that problem (sort of) by just not assigning them seats. FMIL and FSFIL will walk in, FFIL will walk in, they will find their own damn seats. I refuse to play into the drama, and I (mostly) trust them not to start anything during the actual ceremony. We’ve already given them both the “I know you love us more than you hate your ex, so act like it” lecture, and I am sure they’ll hear it again before FEbruary. Good luck!

Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee

FI’s parents are divorced and remarried. We are going to have them seated (from inside-out):

FI’s Mother, FI’s step father, FI’s grandmother, FI’s father, FI’s step mother.

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Seating of divorced parents

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