(Closed) Please help – proposed to! (but not by my boyfriend)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

You need to seriously sit down with the man who proposed to you and tell him you should both go to premarital counceling. Maybe there is a future with him? but you don’t know him that well. You need to get to know him.

I’m not saying arranged marriages are bad and I have seen a few work beautifully over the years. But this is not an arranged marriage, you have no knowledge of this man outside of work.

Go to paris with him. Not to get married, but to see if he is the beautiful person you think he is. 

 

Post # 4
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

was this just out of the blue?  have the two of you ever spent quality time together?  do you even like this man in a romantic way?

as for your current relationship.  why are you even with this guy?  it sounds like you have no physical or emotional attachment to him at all.

i would become single and try dating for a while.  if this new guy really loves you, he will wait a couple of years for you before marriage.

Post # 5
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would never marry without getting to know him first. Being a client and sharing same interests is not enough. Why would a multi-millionaire need to suddenly propose like that? If he’s got all those qualities, why isn’t he already “taken”? My instinctive reaction is “green card proposal”.

My all means dump your bf and date the new guy. But instant marriage makes no sense to me. Something doesn’t add up.

Post # 6
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you have never had any kind of romantic relationship with this man, it would be silly to accept his proposal. Don’t be blinded by the gleam of money and an easy life when you don’t even know if you can be happy with this man. If you want to be with him, then break up with your boyfriend and go date this other man for at least a few months until the novelty of being wined and dined wears off. Then see how you feel. He may be a great catch and he may be the perfect match for you, but it’s really too soon for you to know that yet.

Post # 7
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m pretty certain there is a horror movie that starts this way.

Please don’t marry someone you don’t love. Marriage isn’t a “hmmm… let’s see!” type of thing. Frankly, I am raising an eyebrow at any man who proposes marriage randomly to his banker… out of the blue… without a relationship. This, to me, appears to be a sign that he has parted ways with his grip on reality. I really hope you do not get on a plane with this man. Real life rarely plays like the movies. I think this may lead to a whole hell of a lot of empty promises or a shit ton of crazy. Worry about thw relationship you are currently in and don’t pursue this other man until you have fully called it quits with your current SO and you’ve had time to investigate this new guy.  

Post # 8
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Go to Paris with hIm! Why not? You aren’t going to stay with the guy you’re with, right? That relationship sounds terrible and like you need to end it regardless of this new development.  So, go on the trip! Date this guy! See what happens.

But tell him to put that ring in his safe until you two have spent more time together and know each other.  He can ask again later.

Post # 9
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I say go to paris but don’t marry him there, just start dating

Post # 10
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jayebaby:  +1

When I said date him, I didn’t mean go on a trip with him. Or sleep in the same room with him. Get to know him first.

Post # 11
Member
1989 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel like it sounds sweet and romantic, but don’t marry him JUST yet… but yes!  Go to Paris with him!  It sounds like the relationship you are in is no longer giving you any happiness, so I feel it is time for you to end it (based on the info you gave us) but don’t just jump into a marriage with someone you don’t know on a personal level just yet.

Post # 13
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

Agree with PPs. Date the guy first, and dump your bf. not because the other guy’s rich, but b/c you sound miserable in your current relationship. 

Post # 14
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

it sounds like you’ve made your decision.  I hope it works out!

Post # 15
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

yeah he sounds like a wonderful guy and your boyfriend sounds like a tool.  I’m sure he can find someone else to sponge off of.  Or GET A JOB lol

Post # 16
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

What an amazing story! This is almost the stuff of fairytales… but alas, stories don’t have an “ending,” they only continue on through to the end of your lifetime, so it’s worth sitting down and really thinking about your circumstance. 

First thing’s first: I think it’s quite clear that your current boyfriend is all wrong for you, and clearly doesn’t really respect your relationship. So regardless of this proposal, I believe it is wise to free yourself of this person. 

Next: While the sudden proposal is romantic and enthralling, I think you’re being quite wise to take some time away from all of the tangible people around you and think about what this means for you. Do you know him outside of business? How well do you know him? What would you like to know better, before committing? What are your goals for your career? Will he emotionally support you in your vision for your personal future? How soon does he wish to marry you? 

If the idea takes some time getting used to, can you see if he’d just want a romantic relationship to develop gradually? It seems like you were somewhat interested in him to begin with, I don’t think it would hurt to explore the option, but be careful before leaping into a long term commitment and just make sure you have the same goals, desires, values, etc. 

Whatever you decide, again, your boyfriend sounds completely WRONG for you regardless.

The topic ‘Please help – proposed to! (but not by my boyfriend)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors