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You can do anything with any amount of money.
Fabulous weddings can be had for $500! Get creative, think outside of the box.
Heck you can even do a fancy pants pot luck dinner :)
Pick the traditions you really want to do:
Dad walk down the aisle- no problem- flower petals or paper bag lanterns would look lovely.
You don't need flowers- carry a family memento down the aisle and decorate with balloons or paper pom poms.
Ask a friend to perform the ceremony-(anyone that is a notary, or they have the one stop online spot where you can be ordained for a day)
You don't have to sacrifice having a lovely wedding. You just may not have a grandiose wedding, but sweet and intimate and lovely all the same.
Cheer up Mrsatobe. :) You found the man to marry, thats the hardest part.
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It's true, a wedding can be had on any budget. There used to be a show where they did beautiful weddings for $5,000. I'm sure with your family situation that may not even be possible for you, but you still have lots of options as long as you can be creative. Also, a lot of places will hold weddings on non-Saturdays for cheaper like on a Friday or Sunday. I'm not sure where you are located, but maybe there is a lovely garden or park where you can have you wedding for next than nothing. If you let us know what sitting you are trying to have your wedding in, maybe we can help you look for somewhere besides a court house. The potluck idea is also a great idea and I'm sure your family will understand what your parents are going through.
First of all, I am sorry, and I really feel for you since I have been having some serious anxiety about the same thing. This is a scary time for everyone I think, and my long engagement, which sounded like a great idea a year and a half ago, is meaning that there may not be money to meet those payment deadlines in the next few months.
My parents had a small budget (30 years ago) and booked at Tivoli Too, and the venue cancelled them a week before. So with no money, no time, and no venue, they rented a house in a fancy schmancy area for a weekend and said it was wonderful. They married in their church and then went to the house and almost everyone stayed all weekend and they said it was amazing. I don't know where you live but what about a vacation home or cabin, get married in a public park (they usually have a state rental fee, which is low) and invite everyone to a house for catering, even pizza! Or just hors'd'ourves (I know I spelled that wrong). Don't give up! a lot of places are cheaper for lunches and you can go out later. A
s far as the "expensive details" - My aunt got married in her own yard and it was amazingly gorgeous. Her sister's FIL (a judge) married them and we just planted flowers for weeks before and she rented an arch and a jukebox. We placed flowers on the arch, made our own bouquets from a floral warehouse, and had it catered by a local small Italian restaraunt. The jukebox was a huge hit because everyone put on the songs they liked and we danced all night! I know here in CA you can marry on the beach for like a $35 permit fee (don't quite me, I researched this a while ago) and then invite everyone or a select number of people to a park, or even an unglamourous house or large restaraunt for dinner. Don't lose hope! If you think I'm helpful, please feel free to continue messaging me and I'll think of tons of ideas. My friend and I have been considering starting a party planning business and we're full of ideas (well we think so).
good luck!! :)
I'm sorry to hear about the financial troubles, mrsatobe. I'm afraid this is going to be the case for a lot more people as the months roll on and the economy keeps heading south. I am happy to hear that the wedding will still go on even though it will need to be modified. How about a wedding on the cliffs of Racho Palos Verdes? I went to a wedding there once and I think it was either free to reserve or else a pretty small fee. Let me know if you want me to look into this. I don't think you can have chairs, but you could certainly create a path out of petals or an aisle runner and have the walking down the aisle experience with your dad. Best of luck with your planning!
I feel though I'm right there with you mrsatobe. Only from the very beginning we've been on our own. We got lucky with our sight, the owner thought he had open the original date that we wanted but he was mistaken so he gave us a $400 credit to pick another date.
Here's how it works...
Venue $1200 if you hire an outside caterer
Venue $400 if you use owner as caterer (he's good, he has another restaurant so he knows his business)
$250 for venue deposit
Our current standing that we chose to use his catering:
$400 credit
$250 deposit (PAID)
we have about $300-$400 remaining balance for food (hoping it's less than this but we padded it so that we would be ahead)
Really all we lack is suit rental for groom, usher, ringbearer
Rings
Bridal bouquet and bouts and corsages (will be DIY)
Honeymoon
Photography
All we have left is $2200 for our wedding fund b/c I'm still jobless (graduated in May-undergrad @ age 33).
sux b/c we don't have anyone helping us and no offers of physical help either
Mrsatobe,
First, so sorry this is happening to you and your family. Second, I want to say you are obviously a generous, loving, and mature person who values her family and loved ones above herself. You found out you could no longer have the "fancy" wedding your parents had planned, but you are more concerned about their well-being than your own wedding, and you are even trying to help your parents out. I see so many selfish brides out there who freak out about the tiniest things, and would rather see their parents go into huge amounts of debt just to get what they want. I think you are awesome.
As far as venues, i am not familiar with your area so I can't reccommend anything specific, but the suggestions here are good. It is more work, but if you think creatively you can probably come up with something. Ask everyone you know if they have any ideas, no matter how strange.
Parks are good. Make sure you are allowed to have alcohol before you roll out the kegs.
You said you don't have a house, but if you rent an apartment, some apartment complexes have a pool/clubhouse/courtyard area that residents can often use for parties. I have actually been to two wedding receptions like these and they were great. One wedding had the ceremony on the beach, which was free and simple and beautiful (they made an aisle with shepard hooks stuck in the sand and flowers on them) and the reception-party was essentially the keg BBQ thing and they had it at the pool of their apartment, which had a central courtyard area, and the guests just used the couple's apartment for the kitchen and bathroom. The downside to this is that you probably have to check with the property owners to make sure it is OK for fire-codes, alcohol, etc, and you can't keep other people out if it is a public space. Do any of your friends or family members have someplace like this?
Do you know anyone (or even a friend of a friend) who has a business, like a restaurant, bar, store, art studio, farm? People are often really willing to help, even if they don't know you directly. You really just need a space with bathrooms nearby.
In my area there are a lot of community centers that allow people to rent rooms for events, not always glamourous, but they can be cheap. Check with VFW halls, American Legion, etc. Do you have any friends or family members that belong to any clubs?
If you look into renting a vacation house, make sure the contract doesn't explicitly forbid having a party there (but if it doesn't, maybe don't mention that is your intention so they don't add it to the contract).
Sometimes unexpected places can be rented cheaply. For example, I found out that a local community art center near my house can be rented out for private parties for only a few $100, and that included a nice garden area. If you see a spot you like, it doesn't hurt to ask people if you can use it, especially after you tell them your situation.
I hope you find something that will work for you, and if you can, please let us know how things work out.
I'm so sorry for your situation, but I agree that you deserve all the credit in the world for how you are handling it. It must also be heartbreaking for your parents to be unable to give you the wedding you all wanted, and it's wonderful of you to pitch in and help them out when they need it.
I also think that an at-home wedding (your parents house?), a park (September is a lovely month in a lot of the country), condo clubhouse, or community center is a great way to go. You can still have the ceremony and reception at the same place, which is a huge savings. If you have an afternoon wedding, you can have just a cake and punch reception, or get some friends and relatives to pitch in and make and serve hors d'oeuvres as well. Cut the guest list back to just immediate family and close friends, and maybe you can get a nice room at a local restaurant - the really lovely room with private patio on the river where we are having our RD goes for a $1200 food and beverage minimum, and frankly if my parents weren't helping us out that would be our wedding & reception rather than our RD (wedding on the patio, beer and wine and hors d'oeuvres after, piece of cake and done). You can have something lovely for any amount of money, no matter how small; there are lots of posts about wonderful DIY centerpieces and bouquets - a good friend of mine getting married this summer is getting all her flowers through Costco and having her aunt do the arrangements. Lots of brides are doing music on iPods, which doesn't cost a thing but your time (and a lot of ransacking your friends' collections).
It will take a lot of thinking, and of course it's awful to have to rethink everything after you already decided on a set of alternatives. But I think you can absolutely make it come together if you want; and I'm sure your walk down the aisle with your dad will be even more wonderful knowing how everyone worked together to make it happen.
I think it's great to read a post like this. I thought it was going to be full of ME ME ME and it's not. I will say that if you want a cheap wedding and you want your dad to walk you down the aisle...go Vegas. We eloped with both sides of our family and it was actually great. We found rooms at the Bellagio for very cheap and we found a cute little chapel that put our wedding on the internet and everybody watched! It wasn't what I had first thought of, but my mom walked me down the aisle and it was great. We went to dinner at one of the Bellagio restaurants and then to the late Cirque show. It was fun. We're planning on renewing our vows on our 7th anniversary. Good luck with whatever you choose. Your parents are lucky to have such a sweet understanding daughter.
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I don't know if you're in LA or outside of it, but have you consider a beach or Griffith Park.
Friends of mine eloped and had a reception in Griffith Park, picked a bbq area and had a few people get there early to claim the area.
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Wow. I don't have a lot of suggestions, but I hope everything turns out well and that your friends and family come together to support you. Kudos to you for maintaining focus on what's most important about the whole process. I'd be more than happy to come to your barbeque - I'd even bring a side dish. ;)
Wow everyone. I am so blown away by your kindness, understanding and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You have no idea what a smile you have all put on my face. Serioulsy, you guys are awesome! And I just cried when I read the comment about the walk with my Dad being even more special. You are so very right. It's been so hard on them. I'm their only child and I think this whole thing has been even harder for them to swallow.
Just to give some more info... I'm in Los Angeles.
In terms of the setting, I'm up for anything at this point. My parents live in an apartment, as do all members of my fiance's family, which is why finding a backyard has been challenging. And if you can believe it, none of us have any party/rec areas available in our buildings! Most likely b/c we're all in small buildings, like 4-plexes. My Aunt has a house but it's at least a 2 hour drive from here and I just don't know if she's up for it anyway (she knows the situation and I think she would have offered by now if she was).
I do love the idea of getting married on the beach. I have no idea what the costs involved might be for that, but I'm going to get looking. I just have to figure out some place to pull off something afterwards.
Thank you again everyone!
Oh wow, Los Angeles leaves you with lots of options because you can go the beach route. And it's free for people to sit on the beach and eat. So, invite all your family, tell them to bring their own beach blankets, chairs, umbrellas, or whatever they want. Then, make it potluck style and you won't even have to worry about food. Maybe you would need a permit for having the ceremony there, but that's about it. Then, maybe to cut down on costs a family member can take photos while another videotapes if you would really like that. You can DIY your own bouquet so it would be super cheap, and don't have a bridal party just so you don't have to worry about gifts for them. And for your dress, shoot you can get one as cheap as $99 from Davids Bridal, or there's plenty of dresses for reasonable prices like on the WB boards, eBay, craigslist, etc. Whatever you decide, please keep us updated. It will be so nice to see how things turn out. 
P.S. I just wanted to commend you on the fact that you don't want to go into debt over a wedding...you're one smart cookie!
Oh and I forgot to add that since you are in LA you can even go the park route because the weather is so nice that time of year and you can do just a BBQ or still the potluck thing. I'm SURE there are lots of nice parks in a reasonable distance from you.
Getting married on the beach only requires a small fee for a permit from the city. In-N-Out caters for under $4.00 a person -- tastes great, everyone loves it, and people can have fun. Relaxed but still follows the traditions you want.
Caliotech: Your In-N-Out idea is genious! I spent a couple of years in LA after college and even though it's only 8:30am here in the East, all I can think about now, is a In-N-Out burger and their freshly made fries. I remember a friend hiring them for a big party once and I think it was about $500 for the entire thing! Which would be pretty affordable (especially for wedding reception catering!) Plus, they have a catering truck (the Cookout Trailer) so everything is prepared to order and they'll go anywhere.
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I just took a look at their web-site and they don't do fries on the cook out trailer. sad 
but everything else would still be yummy!
Mrsatobe,
I am getting excited about your LA beach wedding with in-and-out burgers (or whatever you decide to do). To bad I live all the way on the East coast, or I would totally crash your party.
For dresses, also consider looking for things off the rack. I actually bought my wedding dress at macy's for $60, and it really looks like it could have come from a bridal store. It is an ivory colored prom dress that was like 75% off, so while there are no guarantees you can find a cheap dress, it doesn't hurt to look around and try to find sales. And also there are a lot of stores with summery, lightweight style white dresses that would be perfect for a casual beach or park wedding in September, so watch for these to go on sale. Even though jcrew is expensive, they have some beach dresses that usually sell for $100, but if you keep looking, they do go on sale periodically.
Mrsatobe -
I don't have anything useful to add (except that I loveee the idea of a beach wedding & bbq), just wanted to send lots of good thoughts and love your way! Your post really brings me back to earth and realize what's important (marrying the man you love with the people you love around you) and what's not. Goodluck with whatever you do, I'm sure it will be beautful and full of love! :)
lisa
Somebody pinch me! I'm just overwhelmed by all of your kindness. I swear, if I could, I'd send an invite to each of you!
This weekend fiance and I are sitting down to dicuss things and thanks to all of you, I have many ideas to share. I'll keep you all posted for sure. And please don't stop the suggestions coming if something should pop into your beautiful heads!
xo
mrsatobe...
Wish I could give you a hug. I understand because we were/are in the same sort of situation. We've been engaged for a year. We're both older (44 & 39) and we thought we had this wedding thing down pat. And then... I had an accident. I fell out of the back of a truck on the highway at 50 mph and no health insurance.
Our wedding fund went to hospital bills and doctors teaching me how to walk again.
Out the window flew our formal dinner and huge reception with mariachi's (I'm spanish) great favors, etc. But you know what? It didn't matter. My FI stayed by my side and took care of me. He didn't get "freaked" and walk away when I truly believe anyone who didn't love me as much as he does, would have. (I got sick of dealing with myself!)
At first we canceled everything. And now we're going to go through with our ceremony and have a small dance.
If anything after all we've been through while I've been healing it's made our ceremony incredibly more important than it started out to be.
We found a golf course grill with amazing views that we could rent for $500. And I found a DJ at a bridal fair that gave me a heck of a deal (for our area) $100 per hour flat rate. No deposit, no minimum to meet, no travel/mileage fee. No, we're not having a signature drink, a candy bar, etc... we're having a cash bar for anyone who wants to drink liquor. Otherwise we're providing soft drinks/tea/punch, wedding cake and that's it. oh, and we're going to a local resturant to eat (my FI and I) after the wedding. If anyone wants to join us there, we would love for the to come, but yes, they will each have to pay for their own.
We've had people tell us they aren't coming for various reasons "You aren't having a dinner" "There is too big of a gap between the wedding and the reception" "You aren't having any pre-wedding festivities" I finally just vented in our blog about what was happening with us when I was fed up with hearing the snide remarks. http://ed-debi.weddingannouncer.com (look at the April 28th post)
The people who TRULY LOVE you and your FI will be there NO MATTER WHAT AND WHERE. And that's what it's all about. Being surrounded by the people who love and will truly support you. The people who have and are "there" for us, understand and think it's great we're going to a resturant after our ceremony and are more than willing to come and pay for their own.
It goes against everything any ettiquite book ever said. I put no dinner on our invitations and cash bar also so our guests knew EXACTLY what was going to occur. Some say it was wrong to do that. I don't care. I know it was RIGHT FOR US.
And I have things left from our "what was to be" reception that we aren't using. I know it's not much, but I would love to send you what you can use that way you don't have to pay for something I can't use that you can and that money can go toward your wedding fund or your parents.
so pm me. It will all be okay. Trust me. And it will mean even that much more to you.
Hugs and love from one Colorado Bride to a VERY SPECIAL California Bride. ;*
I'm sorry to hear of your plight...I know it's heartbreaking and frustrating, but it doesn't have to be the end. I agree with what several posters have already said. Look into having your ceremony/reception at a beach, or park or civic/recreational center. When I was looking for a venue, I came accross a lot of parks that charged little of nothing to have ceremony/ and or receptions there. Some charged even less if you were a resident of the area that the park is located.
www.laconservancy.org is another site that I looked on that had a lot of park/beach locations. Click on "historic sites for special events" at the very bottom of the page.
If you are looking for a very inexpensive catering option, www.stonefiregrill.com can cater for $7 p/p. Or you can have a potluck - or maybe you provide the main dishes and you ask your family to provide side dishes? Keep us posted on your progress...it will all work out beautifully!
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Hi everyone,
I'm desperate for some input here. Long story short, the wedding we had planned for 9/28/08 is now a no-go due to the fact my parents (who were paying for our wedding) recently found themselves in a serious financial crisis. We had a deposit down on the venue (ceremony & reception both at the same place) and a few other things, but we had to let them all go since my parents couldn't make final payments which were due this month and there's no way my fiance and I could pull that kind of wedding off by ourselves. We're not willing to go into debt for a wedding and we don't have much money since what extra we do have we've been giving my parents right now. It's been a heartbreaking situation to say the least.
All I've ever wanted is for my father to walk me down the aisle and to have a celebration afterwards. If we do the courthouse thing, I won't have that moment with my Dad and that breaks my heart more than anything. As for the celebration, I don't need anything fancy. I honestly wouldn't care if we rolled in a keg and had a BBQ, but we don't know a single person that has a house with a backyard well enough to help us out.
So what I need some help with are some alternatives. Or am I'm just being totally unreasonable to think we can do anything other than the courthouse? Does anyone have any ideas? Or does anyone know where I can turn to find some ideas from people who've been in this situation?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.