Please help! What do I do?!

posted 4 weeks ago in Guests
  • poll: Would you let him come to the wedding?
    Yes : (1 votes)
    1 %
    No : (74 votes)
    97 %
    Other - explain : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6631 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    They have certainly put you in an uncomfortable position and it was rude to ask you to invite him. But you have no obligation to invite him. If that means his mother (your aunt) can’t come, oh well that’s life.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2340 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    You’re under no obligation to invite anyone you do not want to invite. No one in entitled  to a wedding invitation from you. If you don’t want him there, then inform them that he is not welcome. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2021

    my cousin is serving a similar sentence for a similarly heinous crime and I have no plans to include him in any of my life events when he gets released. your wedding day is stressful enough, if this man makes you uncomfortable, why bother? Iʻd make the invite clear for the aunt and her daughter since you are close or not invite them at all TBH

    Post # 5
    Member
    2112 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    You are definitely not an awful person for not wanting a man who murdered his wife at your wedding! It’s perfectly understandable to want a murderer-free wedding. I would say absolutely not and stand firm. If she can’t come, she can’t come. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    261 posts
    Helper bee

    No way in hell.

    Post # 8
    Member
    898 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    soontobenoone :  No.

    This day is about you and your FI. Do not feel bad about saying no to this.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    735 posts
    Busy bee

    Nope. I’d cut the drama by cutting out the middlemen and respond directly to the aunt. If everyone’s on email, you can write to her and CC your parents. Let her know that you’re so excited to see her at your wedding, but will not be able to accomodate first cousins, including [son]. If there’s anything you can do to help with transportation (identifying a car servies, offering to help cover transportation fees, whatever), now would be a good time to offer.

    Post # 13
    Member
    409 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow what an awkward situation. I’m sorry! I also voted no but I understand now you have the dilemma of what to say. Can you tell her that you don’t think it would be fair to your other cousins and offer to pay for train or bus? Or try to coordinate with other family members who they can carpool with? 

    Post # 14
    Member
    270 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow, what a terrible position to be put in. Unfortunately, there’s no way this isn’t a lose/lose situation as you stated. You just have to remember you aren’t at fault here, and bite the bullet and decide which bad scenario (having this guy at your wedding or angering that side of the family) will make your wedding worse. 

    ETA: Sorry about “bite the bullet”.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2547 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Keep it as general as possible, like ‘I’m afraid that we are not able to invite our first cousins. The only exception possible is for [daughter] as we know she needs to be with you. We are not able to make exceptions for anyone else.’ Send an email or whatever yourself so your dad doesn’t have to be the bad guy or create drama. Is there anyone else coming from near your Aunt who can drive? 

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