Please help with a paper on elopement!

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

1) Combination of things: finances, escaping the family, and we put more value in having an awesome trip together than spending boat loads of money throwing a party.

The wedding that we both would have REALLY wanted would have set us back about $50,000 in our area. Or we couple spend a tiny fraction of that on an AMAZING trip.

My family is not in my life, and my fiance’s family is not particularly excited about our wedding because it is his 2nd. Emotionally things will be much nicer if we keep it to just us and my fiance’s daughter. The idea of a tradiitonal wedding and me needing to walk down the aisle without my dad escorting me sounds heartbreaking, and not like the fairytale a wedding day is supposed to be. 

2) It scrapes the wedding down to the bare bones of what the day is about which I adore It is also less stressful. My fiance and I interact as though we are married already, so our interaction was not affected by our decision to elope. 

3) The wedding is a rite of passage over anything else for us. We already feel very much married and committed for life. The wedding day is going to be a present to ourselves, if you will. It will be a low key day, just for us where all we ahve to worry about is being happy. We are a pretty low-key couple. A big wedding wouldn’t have felt like us.

4) There were certain “bride” things that I had to naturally be ok with not having like a shower, bridesmaids, walking down the aisle, etc. But I still want to feel like a bride. I will not compromise on having the dress and the flowers 🙂

5) The elopement trip IS the honeymoon. We will be bringing my fiance’s daughter with us, so we may take a weekend away just the two of us afterwards to a B&B or something. Or not. We will see.

6)Haven’t done it yet

7) Many couples have lavish honeymoons, while others do not take a trip at all. Everyone’s experience is so different, especially in regards to honeymoons it is difficult to compare. 

Post # 3
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Hey there SocStudent! First of all thank you very much for being upfront about using the WB for academic purposes. I’d be more than happy to answer all of your questions (and more if you need them), but that’d be quite a bit of personal info so could you please PM me? 

Post # 5
1574 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013


[1] We chose to elope for a few reasons. One was that we have both been previously married, and did feel a little awkward having a large wedding (even though neither of us particularly loved our previous weddings). Second was that we were originally engaged two years before we eloped, but called off our wedding – so we felt that people wouldn’t take it seriously. Part of why we called off our wedding was the stress, so eloping made sense. Third was money. While we both work, I have some significant health issues (last year I worked two jobs and ended up paying over twice what I made in co-pays alone – let alone what I paid in insurance premiums) and my partner is in graduate school (While working full time). Weddings are expensive. The more we talked about eloping, the more we really loved the idea for us. We were able to have our special day without feeling like we had to please anyone or go spend time with anyone else. We did not tell anyone else that when we were eloping, and only our photographer was there (plus the two random employees at City Hall that stood in as our witnesses). Well, the only exception was my mom bc I discovered I couldn’t hide it from her. I had told her we wanted to elope, and why. She fully supported us, and I swore her to secrecy. We had told a few people that we were thinking about it.

[2] Eloping, for us, made it less about the wedding and this special party adn more about us and our relationship. We felt absolutely no pressure from anyone else by eloping.

[3] We did not go away to elope – we simply went to our local City Hall. It felt very much like “us” (we are low key and were able to get married near our house, which we love). We did hire a photographer to take photos, and were able to get some beautiful photos out side, as well as some pictures at our house.

[4] I didn’t want to wear jeans a t shirt (I don’t judge anyone else! a good friend of mine wore just that and looked fabulous). I didn’t want to wear a fancy wedding dress but did want a “special” dress (as in, a dress procured simply for that day not a dress I had in my closet already). My partner got a new button down and tie to wear. I ended up with a slightly off white dress, as when I was hunting for a dress I discovered that I did want to wear white, which sort of surprised me. Looking back, I’m kind of disappointed that I didn’t have a small bouquet, but I figure if that is my biggest annoyance about that day, I did pretty well!

[5] We did not have a honeymoon.

[6] We did not go away.

[7] I feel as though most people who have a traditional wedding also have a honeymoon. We did not have a traditional wedding nor did we have a honeymoon.

Post # 6
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

SocStudent:  It is a “rite of passage” in that we are already committed to each other forever. The wedding ceremony is not when we are making that promise.  But we still want to have a wedding day to look back on! (regardless of all of the reasons that make the big white wedding not the best option for us)

Post # 7
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think elopement is also affected by age. When I was 19 my FI and I eloped, my reasoning then was far different than what my reasoning would be now if my current FI and I chose to do so.

1) Primarily to escape our families. Our families did not support us getting married so young and so fast (8 month relationship). Along with him being in the military and making sure we could move in together as quickly as possible, so that could be finances as well.

2) I think it somewhat down played marriage for us, if you want my honest opinion. We ran off to the court and got married in clothes you would wear to church. It was very fast, brief, and nobody I truly knew or loved was there.. Except FI. I didn’t have any of the feelings I am having now, the importance of it and sharing with loved ones, is present this time. After eloping, I felt like I had somehow missed out on something. I couldn’t figure out at the time why. 

3) I don’t really think it gave us a unique outlook on our romance. We were really young, after all was said and done, I felt like everything happened too fast and questioned why I even married the man. I didn’t even feel married afterwards, if that makes sense. 

4) It all happened too fast for me to “feel like a bride.” We got engaged, one month later we decided to elope and went through with it the day after our decision to do so. It was a feeling of this is what we want to do, so let’s do it right now. I was doubting everything on the day of our marriage. 

5) We stayed in a nice hotel on the beach for 2 nights immediately following. That was our honeymoon. I spent the first night crying and we weren’t “intimate” either night because I was too emotional. Again, at the time I didn’t know what my problem was.

6) It didn’t. I just felt sad, to answer the question.. I think it gave me a slightly pessimistic view on how our marriage was going to be. 

7) I think it did. It was much shorter than most of the honeymoons I have heard about and what my friends have had. Due to the other feelings I was having, I wasn’t able to enjoy it or the time with my then husband. I see pictures of friends on there honeymoons and when they talk about it later, it is always how great it was and such a bonding experience enjoying the time with their new spouse. I didn’t experience any of that. 

Sorry this is such a “debbie downer” post to your questions. But they are completely honest answers and I hope they help. We got divorced 4 years after eloping. Another friend of mine eloped, she and her husband are getting divorced this year, after 3 years of marriage. I know her experience was very different than mine, it was a destination wedding/elopement with just the two of them. All of my friends who eloped have since divorced (I have 3 other friends who did). My friends who had weddings are still married, all of them. I am not saying everyone who elopes will get divorced, I am sure if FI and I decided to do so we wouldn’t, but it completely changes the experience in my opinion. Hope this info helps, good luck on your paper!

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