Post # 1
hi allsorry i didnt know where to post this…ok. so i am feeling fairly let down by a friend over the past year..i have had a fairly traumatic year, i had pre-eclampsia and my baby was born at 35 weeks, my gran & uncle who i was both v close to both died within 4 months of each other..so feeling a bit rubbish tbh!!i hve a friend who i consider close..she was my bridesmaid when i got married a few years ago.. but this year i feel totally let down by her but shes the one now angry at me!! the things that hve happened are:
she is getting married this year. im not a bridesmaid or part of the wedding in any way other than a guest. i assumed she must be having family as bm,s fair enough. but it turns out she had asked a girl we both used to work with she has known less time than me!
i asked her to be godmother to my daughter. she first of all said thanks but no thanks, i hve 4 godchildren already..then she said i will consider it. she then said ok but as long as i understood she wouldnt be around much..
those are the 2 main things but lots of other things like i hve asked her over here about 8 times in past few months and she always says she is too busy with wedding planning..i also asked her & her fiance to spend 1 night away with us (local) for my birthday but she said she cannot afford it.
each one of these i was hurt upset but carried on but it all just got to me after the latest ‘knock back’ and i told her how upset i was.
she has said she is upset and shocked at my outburst and that im in the wrong .she has now said i hve upset her greatly just a few weeks before the wedding..but tbh i feel quite annoyed!
looking for other views, help 🙁
Post # 3
I’m sorry that ur so upset and for losing your grandparents, but happy to hear your baby is ok after a rocky birth!
It seems as though your friend is a little stressed about her wedding planning and probably under a lot of pressure from different ppl – weddings r sometimes a stressful time! I wld take her to lunch and talk to her nicely about it: tell her how hurt u r and how u wld have liked to be part of the wedding but feel a little left out. It’s probably the case that she hasn’t realized with all the things she’s had to organize and, to her, this talk was out of left field and unexpected (although it wasn’t). She might come around when she sees your side of things.
Then I wld just give her a bit of space – maybe after her wedding and things calm down she’ll be more rational and have more time for you.
Big hugs though – I know it’s tough when these things happen!
Post # 4
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I think that your “friend” is trying to tell you that she doesn’t want to be friends any more. If that is whats happening, I think it’s just best to not dwell on the fact, but just let it go! Try not contacting her for a while, let things cool down, and, if she wants be still be friends, let her make the first move.
People change, and just because you guys were good friends in the past doesn’t mean it will be forever.
Post # 5
thank u girls..
im so confused..but yes a part of me definately feels like i think she is trying to cut me off..fair enough. its upsetting.but nothing i could do about it.
i just dont know what to do or say..
we work together..everyone knows she was my bridesmaid and im not hers..
and i dont want things to be akward at work.
im mostly upset by her seemingly saying im in the wrong!but all those things have hurt me and i dont think im unreasonable for feeling hurt am i??
Post # 6
@GoldfishPie: I am not sure if not being her friend anymore is quite right but I definately think that your friend isn’t as invested in your friendship as you are. And that is perfectly understandable and you can’t be angry with her over this. It is always upsetting to find out that we aren’t as high on a friendship scale as we thought. Unfortunately this is life.
You also shouldn;t be upset over the bridesmaid thing. Disappointed sure but you picked who you wanted to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man for your wedding and she has picked who she wants as a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her wedding. Friendships shouldn;t be about tit for tat.
Look at it from her perspective- you are trying to tell her who she should have as a BM! How she should spend her time and money etc etc. Wouldn’t you also be upset if someone was trying to dictate these things for you?
I am sorry that you feel that she is in the wrong but honestly she isn’t.
Post # 7
@crystal1978: can you suggest meeting for coffee if you want to salvage your friendship? It does sound weird she didnt ask but maybe she thought you would be too busy with the baby?
Post # 8
the bm thing..it has upset me a lot but if it was just that then tbh it would be ok and im sure id get over it..
but i just feel like surely being a friend is about just that..BEING there..
the godmother thing hurt..
and then every time this year i have been the one to initiate meeting and apart from once she had knocked me back every time..
i just feel like when do u stop doing that? is it really a friendship if i am the only one trying to meet up??
Post # 10
sorry im not sure what that means?!
Post # 11
@GoldfishPie: I agree with this. It sounds like she doesn’t want to be friends any more so I would move on. Real friends are there for you as much as they want you around.