(Closed) Please, i need advice :( Feeling gross when intimate.

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@plzhelpabeeout:  I think you feel grossed out because you are not getting turned on…and you are not getting turned on because you are doing this every day because you feel you have to!…so there is hope dont worry:) Have a chat with him and tell him that you feel like its one of the expected chores and its not making you feel good about yourself…if you only were having fun 2 or 3 x per week and if you tried to fantasize in your own head about something that would help…maybe even reading a little porn or watching would help…if you are not comfortable with that then just think about something in your head..

Post # 4
Member
3899 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would see a doctor. Explain to him these change and he/she should run tests to see what is up. If these are things you used to enjoy and find pleasurable, there may be a reason for that change. Maybe a doctor can give you some answers.

Post # 5
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@plzhelpabeeout:  also I find it helps if you use a little lubricant anywhere you like..maybe one of those warming ones…I think you can even get them in local drugstores…maybe even start yourself off with a little toy discreetly in teh bathroom:)

Post # 6
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You need to talk to your husband about your feelings. If you keep doing things just because you feel like you should you are going to resent those acts more than you already do and you will eventually resent him. Libidos are tricky, so you might just need a change in diet and exercise, or maybe different supplements/hormones. I would recommend setting up an appointment with your OB/GYN to go over your concerns, if you are on a hormonal BCP that could be the problem b/c the pill acts on your whole body. I had a similar issue so I switched to Mirena, which is the hormonal IUD so the hormones only act locally and therefore do not cause the same libido problems.

Post # 7
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

You should go to a doctor. There can be a few differents reason for the way you are feeling. It happens. Depression is one, stress can cause it, there are also medical reasons, like women who have PCOS, Go to a doc and have him check you out. I think you can go to the Gyno for it, that is best. It happens, I have heard of others. And, they got help and it went away with medicine they needed. If there is no medical reason, than you both may need to speak to a marriage counselor. Try to figure this out.

 

And, instead of being celebate, why not take like 2 weeks off of all fooling around and sex. Than, try sex one night? Doing stuff everyday may be getting routine and boring to you. If you take a few weeks, or even a month off, that may help big time! Good luck.

 

Post # 8
Member
3221 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You’ve gotten some good responses, but I wanted to add the suggestion of seeking the help of a sex therapist. They exist in real life, and not just in movies! You can have individual or couples’ counselling, and they can explore ways you can make each other feel good while feeling good yourself.

If it’s not a medical issue, and your mental health is solid, definitely seek the advice of a sex therapist!

Post # 9
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

It’s okay. There was a point when I felt like this with my bf too. I think you’re stressing yourself out by trying to do it every day. Don’t think about it as much, just enjoy hanging out with your husband. It’s okay if you dont do sexual things every day, so long as you don’t resign yourself completely. I know the feeling: dreading the blow job or whatever all day and then you just do it so it can be done with (and still feel anxious afterward). Do you feel obligated to give him a bj every day because you’re having a celibate marriage and feel somewhat guilty? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your choice–and you shouldn’t feel like you have to always be doing other things to make up for it. I could also be totally wrong about your situation so I’m sorry if I am!

That’s not to say that you’ll suddenly be crazy about doing sexual stuff and jump to having a crazy libido, but you’ll probably wont feel like it’s gross anymore. It’ll feel more natural. Does your husband want the daily beej? was he the one who came up with this system?

There’s nothing wrong with you, and you shouldn’t feel like there’s something wrong with your relationship or that you guys are not truly happy because of this. It’s the most horrible feeling, stressing that your relationship with someone you love so much isn’t “real” because of issues with sex. Don’t let the haters get to you!

Post # 10
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sometimes having something every day can become boring and monotomous, whereas taking some time off from it makes you desire it more.  I feel that way about a lot of ‘routines’ from time to time; exercise, work, and gosh, sex too.

You can be ‘immune’ to doing the same things in the bedroom, absolutely.  I would be really tired of giving my SO blow jobs if I did it all the time.  And actually, feel as if I enjoy doing it to him, because it is on my time, and a surprise for him too!  I think he enjoys receiving them more bc they are ‘spread out’ too.

So, I feel you have to communicate this to your DH, and then give yourself some time and space away from the bedroom.  Build intimacy thru other things like emotions, or different date nights out, or whatever.  And if that does not work, then work on changing it up in the bedroom, whether it be different foreplay, different positions – bc oral sex can be sexy in different ways, or whatever you guys are comfortable with doing!

Post # 11
Member
11287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

the first thing i would sugeest is go to the doctor to have a check up.  you need to narrow down if this feeling (or lack of) is medical or mental.  then you can proceed accordingly.

personally, i think that you are starting to feel any sex act as a chore.  there is nothing wrong with just snuggling at night without any petting or bj involved.  the pressure of performing every night may be adding to the stress.  have you tried just taking a few nights off? 

you are going to want to resolve this issue before resentment sets in.

Post # 12
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

GO SEE A DOCTOR! As a nurse, I think it would help. If nothing is wrong medically or hormonally, then see a sex therapist.

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am also curious as to why a celebate marriage…can you till me in?

Post # 14
Member
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lifegirl:  also curious…

Post # 15
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Usually, when you lose your sex drive, there is something like a medical issue behind it. I would get it checked out. You might not mind having no sex drive, but there are likely underlying issues that could be serious. Good luck!

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