(Closed) please need advice

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Unfortunately, I think you are going to have to give your Fiance an ultimatum. Either he chooses you or his parents. It seems that there is some miscommunication going on with the parents. They should sit down together and put on paper exactly what they are going to pay for and what is expected with that payment. His parents should not expect accommodations to be included. I don’t really understand what you are trying to say with the untrustworthy part. It just seems like everyone needs to sit down together and get things worked out and written down, so there is no miscommunication.

Post # 4
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wedding planning can be very stressful for everyone – my Fiance and I have had some tension with our families too.  


We decided that we would be the ones making the final decisions about the wedding. We limit what we tell each of our families – for example, neither of our families know what the other is contributing financially (important because there is a pretty big difference).  If we feel there may be an issue with one of our families regarding an aspect of the wedding/ reception, we discuss it in private, reach a consensus together, and then approach our families and inform them of the decision.  When it’s a touchy subject, I will talk to my family privately (i.e. without FI), and he will do the same with his family.


I would recommend talking to your Fiance privately about your concerns.  It is important that you be able to make decisions together – I’m sure the decisions will just get harder with time (after marriage).  Unfortunately, if your Fiance is not willing to discuss the issues or he refuses to compromise, you may want to consider postponing the wedding.  Good luck!

Post # 5
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i agree with noritake22! good luck lady!

Post # 6
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yeah, he has to choose you or his parents. They are too involved and too opinionated for him to have both. Try to explain to him that it’s normal for parents to get very antsy when a child is getting married and will no longer be ‘their’ baby, but his parents have been taking it a step too far and either the two of you stick together and distance yourselves or he chooses them and you two break up. 

Post # 7
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Like @ EvaBostonTerrier, Fiance & I are making all decisions & discussing everything & coming to a consensus FIRST, before anyone else is informed.  This provides a united front to both sets of parents (and anyone else who questions our decisions), which is good practice for your marriage (especially dealing with your future kids, if you plan to have them).  [We have an even greater advantage (albeit NOT financially) because we’re paying for everything (except the Rehearsal Dinner, which our parents are jointly splitting equally), so it gives us an added edge when either set of parents question a decision.]

See if your Fiance is willing to handle the decisions this way & try to salvage this planning process & relationship.  He’ll also have to be strong enough to stand by your JOINT decisions against his parents, because he should VALUE your (he & you) life TOGETHER…and the wedding is the beginning of that life.  Good Luck!  Keep us updated, please.

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