Post # 1
I need some advice…planning a wedding and engagement should be fun but its taken a turn for the worse and i think i may have to break my engagement i just wanted to get your thoughts.
So here it goes…my fiances parents arent contributing to any part of the wedding and my parents were goin to have it at a b & b so they were goin to his fam all the rooms free. but his mom didnt like the venue so we changed so no rooms now they are calling my parents liars and untrustworthy bc they arent getting rooms for there guests and they dont want to pay for there accommadations. Next his parents are saying im untruthworthy bc i dont tell them everything about me and my school but my fiance knows EVERYTHING about me and my whats goin on. He agrees w his parents about my parents not being trustworthy. He says he trusts me but me and family have to change in order for HIM AND HIS FAMILY to want to precide with the wedding. THen he says that we should postpone the wedding until HIS PARENTS feel more comfortable. Funny thing is that he and I dont have probs in our relationship until his parents get invovled and he fails to recognize this and will not . I dont think i can marry someone who is so influenced by his fam that we have to put our relationship on hold for HIS parents. tell me your thoughts
Post # 3
Unfortunately, I think you are going to have to give your Fiance an ultimatum. Either he chooses you or his parents. It seems that there is some miscommunication going on with the parents. They should sit down together and put on paper exactly what they are going to pay for and what is expected with that payment. His parents should not expect accommodations to be included. I don’t really understand what you are trying to say with the untrustworthy part. It just seems like everyone needs to sit down together and get things worked out and written down, so there is no miscommunication.
Post # 4
Wedding planning can be very stressful for everyone – my Fiance and I have had some tension with our families too.
We decided that we would be the ones making the final decisions about the wedding. We limit what we tell each of our families – for example, neither of our families know what the other is contributing financially (important because there is a pretty big difference). If we feel there may be an issue with one of our families regarding an aspect of the wedding/ reception, we discuss it in private, reach a consensus together, and then approach our families and inform them of the decision. When it’s a touchy subject, I will talk to my family privately (i.e. without FI), and he will do the same with his family.
I would recommend talking to your Fiance privately about your concerns. It is important that you be able to make decisions together – I’m sure the decisions will just get harder with time (after marriage). Unfortunately, if your Fiance is not willing to discuss the issues or he refuses to compromise, you may want to consider postponing the wedding. Good luck!
Post # 5
i agree with noritake22! good luck lady!
Post # 6
Yeah, he has to choose you or his parents. They are too involved and too opinionated for him to have both. Try to explain to him that it’s normal for parents to get very antsy when a child is getting married and will no longer be ‘their’ baby, but his parents have been taking it a step too far and either the two of you stick together and distance yourselves or he chooses them and you two break up.
Post # 7
Like @ EvaBostonTerrier, Fiance & I are making all decisions & discussing everything & coming to a consensus FIRST, before anyone else is informed. This provides a united front to both sets of parents (and anyone else who questions our decisions), which is good practice for your marriage (especially dealing with your future kids, if you plan to have them). [We have an even greater advantage (albeit NOT financially) because we’re paying for everything (except the Rehearsal Dinner, which our parents are jointly splitting equally), so it gives us an added edge when either set of parents question a decision.]
See if your Fiance is willing to handle the decisions this way & try to salvage this planning process & relationship. He’ll also have to be strong enough to stand by your JOINT decisions against his parents, because he should VALUE your (he & you) life TOGETHER…and the wedding is the beginning of that life. Good Luck! Keep us updated, please.