(Closed) Please, please, please help me.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@gangqinjia: Oh sweetie, I am truly sorry for your FI. No one should ever have to endure that from anyone. It is very hard for male victims of domestic abuse to come forth and share their past for various reasons. Have you suggested FI to talk a counselor to obtain professional guidance? The positive aspect of this situation is that you now know his past and help him with his hardships as best as you can.

Here are some sites you can read and a hotline if you should ever have any questions. I did a quick Google search but I hope it helps!

http://dahmw.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/englishbrochure-1.pdf

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence-against-men/MY00557

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/womens-health/articles/2011/04/12/male-victims-of-domestic-abuse-may-show-signs-of-ptsd

http://www.safe4all.org/essays/2page.html

Post # 4
Member
8320 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@gangqinjia:  The principles are the same for supporting any abuse victim. Understanding, compassion, listening, non judgement (even about the abuser as in some cases the victim can still have feelings for the abuser especially parents) and just being there.

Also remember to look after yourself. It one thing that a lot of carers forget about and put low down on the list of priorities.

http://asca.org.au/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=46

http://au.reachout.com/Wellbeing/Friends-and-family/Caring-for-others?gclid=CPuNt_H16LECFeJMpgodnlAA-Q

http://www.dosomething.org/actnow/actionguide/help-someone-your-community-who-experiencing-verbal-emotional-or-physical-abuse

 

Post # 5
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know this sounds cheesy BUT i had a friend that said she was helped a lot through using a self help workbook. i’m not sure which it was but there’s tonns on amazon. It had exercises and coping stragergies and things to help deal with flashbacks, memories, getting closure, changing the way you see the world, picking up the pieces and monitoring progress etc

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=sr_nr_scat_275645_ln?rh=n%3A275645%2Ck%3Aabuse+self+help&keywords=abuse+self+help&ie=UTF8&qid=1345034456&scn=275645&h=cfa22b30c03474da55ac477c609ec01816c6da0d

 

Post # 6
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

my best friend is currently doing a dissertation on male victims of domestic violence. It was my idea and I asked if she could do it since my FI was a victim too. so she has TONS of literature and sites.

Could you pm me with some details of what you and your SO need? friend and I are both social workers, and she’s also in her third year in gestalt psychotherapy. 

Post # 7
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

I am so sorry for him! Tell him to be strong and not ashamed- no one should be abused.

Post # 8
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

thoughts and prayers for the both of you.  

Post # 10
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@gangqinjia:  I’d research stuff about PTSD. My fiance also had an alcoholic father and abusive girlfriend. Even though I have PTSD too, it was hard for me at times to be considerate of what he needed. I used to feel insecure about his ex who he had been on and off with for years. I realized that that relationship was the type of one where he thought this was how it was and had to be and that no one else would love him. It’s a mentality that’s hard to break out of. I think the big issues that stemmed from it were fear of rejection or not being good enough. 

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