Post # 1
Does anyone know of any resources for understanding male victims of domestic abuse? Articles, documentaries, anecdotes, research studies, anything?
I knew that my sweetheart had a few episodes as a child before his father got his drinking under control. I didn’t realize it was as awful as it was. I also knew that he had once had a girlfriend with a horrible temper. I did not realize it was as horrific as it was. But it all came out this evening. I am so stunned right now, and heartbroken for my poor, sweet man. I need to be able to help him.
Damn it, I love him so much, and I feel like such a scumbag for not understanding any of this. I have cried more tonight than I have in months.
Post # 3
@gangqinjia: Oh sweetie, I am truly sorry for your FI. No one should ever have to endure that from anyone. It is very hard for male victims of domestic abuse to come forth and share their past for various reasons. Have you suggested FI to talk a counselor to obtain professional guidance? The positive aspect of this situation is that you now know his past and help him with his hardships as best as you can.
Here are some sites you can read and a hotline if you should ever have any questions. I did a quick Google search but I hope it helps!
Post # 4
@gangqinjia: The principles are the same for supporting any abuse victim. Understanding, compassion, listening, non judgement (even about the abuser as in some cases the victim can still have feelings for the abuser especially parents) and just being there.
Also remember to look after yourself. It one thing that a lot of carers forget about and put low down on the list of priorities.
Post # 5
I know this sounds cheesy BUT i had a friend that said she was helped a lot through using a self help workbook. i’m not sure which it was but there’s tonns on amazon. It had exercises and coping stragergies and things to help deal with flashbacks, memories, getting closure, changing the way you see the world, picking up the pieces and monitoring progress etc
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo
my best friend is currently doing a dissertation on male victims of domestic violence. It was my idea and I asked if she could do it since my FI was a victim too. so she has TONS of literature and sites.
Could you pm me with some details of what you and your SO need? friend and I are both social workers, and she’s also in her third year in gestalt psychotherapy.
Post # 7
I am so sorry for him! Tell him to be strong and not ashamed- no one should be abused.
Post # 8
thoughts and prayers for the both of you.
Post # 9
Thank you, everyone for your support, thoughts, prayers, and help. It really means so much to me.
I’m still at a loss for what to do. After sleeping on it, FI doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal anymore, but last night he was sure it was going to make our world cave in. So I don’t know what to think or do. I still think it’s a big deal. I am pouring over everything you all have given me. Thank you.
Post # 10
@gangqinjia: I’d research stuff about PTSD. My fiance also had an alcoholic father and abusive girlfriend. Even though I have PTSD too, it was hard for me at times to be considerate of what he needed. I used to feel insecure about his ex who he had been on and off with for years. I realized that that relationship was the type of one where he thought this was how it was and had to be and that no one else would love him. It’s a mentality that’s hard to break out of. I think the big issues that stemmed from it were fear of rejection or not being good enough.