- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
So My Fiance and I have been having one of our first real fights this week. I was so upset these past few days and am a lot calmer now. First of all my Fiance is a total groomzilla. He’s not one of those “Yes dear, whatever you want for the wedding” type of guys and has an opinion on eeevverything. So ever since the beginning of this planning he’s made sure that I now that his opinion counts, even for my own wedding dress ( i.e he doesn’t like lace or ballgowns). We had to put neutral colors (green and gray, which I’m totally on board with) because he didn’t want anything girly, and the whole feeling of the wedding has to be modern and simple cause he’s super minimalist. So after the first few week I guess I honed in on what he wanted and was ok with it because it’s his wedding too.
So I started on the wedding planning, being very specific about this with my mom and sister who are helping me plan, which by the way is a nightmare because I live in Boston, my sister in California, my Fi in north carolina, and my mom and bridesmaids in Puerto Rico (where the wedding will be at). And I spend lots of time planning and looking for stuff online. I’d say about 85% of the things I have been choosing and planning I first send a picture to my Fiance to see if he likes it (cause he feels the need to approve everything I choose). Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. After 6 months of planning I feel like I pretty much know what he will or will not like so sometimes I choose stuff based on this and then email him what I’ve picked out.
So this weekend he totally exploded on me saying that he feels that He isn’t being part of the planning, that he feels it’s somebody elses wedding, that he’s going to feel totally miserable at the wedding, that he doesn’t even want a reception because it’s just a show for the guests. The he wants either want to re-do everything we’ve planned or just stop talking about the wedding altogether and just show up that day with a smile on his face. He says that everything has to be according to my vision and that his vote doesn’t count.
I got upset and mad because I feel i’ve been upfront about everything. I tell him everything that I’ve picked out and if he doesn’t like it I try to change it. We’ve chosen invites, Save-The-Date Cards, cake, photographer, Bridesmaid or Best Man dressed, groomsmen tuxes, and other details out together. It’s hard because he’s not physically here with me to go to the stores or browse the web right beside me so I understand that he feels left out. But it’s not my fault that he’s not doing anything on his part to find stuff. He’s not browsing wedding sites or talking to vendors or going on shopping trips with me, he just has to know about everything I’m doing and picking out, and if I pick out something that I know he’ll like he gets mad because he didn’t get to saaayy that he likes it . I have had to pick out some stuff on my own when I went to PR because I was there with my mom and I had to make a decision, like the band and the caterer. But I made sure that one of the dinner dishes was his favorite food. I even chose one of his favorite songs to be the wedding processional so I could surprise him and he made me ruin the surprise cause he didn’t feel included in the decision. ARGH!
He’s blaming me for everything and says that I”M the bridezilla. I DO have a vision in my head about the wedding but only because I spend hours daily thinking about it and envisiong how to mix what I like with what he likes. I guess sometimes I force what I like on him because it’s not only about what he wants either. I did choose the venue even if he wasn’t crazy about it , and have been choosing the centerpieces.
So my question is, Am i being unreasonable? what should I tell him? We’ve been fighting about his for days and I don’t even dare mention the wedding any more. He knows he’s being harsh but he says I’m being selfish.