Post # 1
Long story short; my FI broke up with me Feb 26th, 2014. We last had relations on Feb 20th. I was devestated, went out with girlfriends and got drunk March 2nd, ended up having a one night stand with this guy. I found out I was pregnant March 13th, and didn’t tell anyone until my FI decided he wanted me back and made a mistake calling off the wedding. I told him what happened, he said he forgave me and that the baby was most likely his, and even if it wasn’t he would raise it as his own.
Well I got nervous, and decided to take a Prenatal Paternity test through DDC, supposedly one of the best places to go. They said it would take 7 days, but somehow magically got the results back to me in less than 24 hours (kinda makes me nervous). Said my FI was excluded as the father, and he is livid. He left again and is telling me how I awful I am. I am so confused, because I have seen 4 different doctors and they have all told me based off the ultrasounds (we don’t know my lmp) that I concieved by Feb 25th because my due date is Feb 18th, which means I had relations to get pregnant between Feb 20-25th.
I am so stressed out and don’t know what to do. My FI wont claim my daughter now, I am so in debt over our wedding that I have no clue how I am going to do this on my own, and I honestly am scared to pay that much money for another DNA test. I have been considering adoption, but my FI parents are so against it and it breaks my heart even thinking about it.
Anyone have any advice? And please don’t sit there and get on to me for having a one night stand after a break up, I’ve had enough people tell me how awful of a person this makes me.
Post # 2
You’re stressed out, which isn’t healthy for anyone – but especially not someone carrying a child. This man said he would accept you and the child even if it wasn’t his own and then stormed out of your life when DNA tests said he was “excluded.” To make matters worse this isn’t the first time he bailed on you.
I hate to say this, but I have serious doubts even if this baby WAS his, that he’d be a dedicated faher and husband.
Contact DDC. Ask why results were posted so quickly. I would look into purchasing a Home DNA Test for Paternity – cheaper than other options because it doesn’t stand in court (but great for personal use).
Post # 3
I don’t think the one night stand makes you an awful person, I think that makes you a normal person who went through something emotionally difficult. I don’t think that sex (especially when you are single!) is a sin.
Your fiance is being an ass for saying he would stay regardless and left anyway. He seems like a flip floppy jerk. How do you leave a fiance twice in one year?
The decision about the baby is yours. Your fiance (well, ex now) has no say. He decided to leave. That’s his choice. If in the future he decides to get back together with you (which I wouldn’t be surprised with because he seems very wishy washy), he doesn’t have a right to be angry about your decisions. However, I’d be wary of getting back together with him in the future. He seems like the kind of dude that just gets angry and walks out without trying to fix things.
If you want to keep the baby, keep the baby. There are plenty of single mothers out there, and although life isn’t easy, it’s definitely doable. Is there any way to contact the one night stand? I’d try to do a DNA test with him before coming to any big conclusions.
Can I asked what caused the initial breakup in the first place?
Post # 4
Stressedoutmommatobe: If you got pregnant in Feb, your due date is in November. If you got pregnant in March, your due date is in Dec. You can’t have gotten pregnant in Feb and have a Feb due date–impossible. Only way to have a Feb due date is to get pregnant in May.
Post # 5
Stressedoutmommatobe: I am confused by your dates??? You conceived by Feb 25th but you’re due Feb 18th??? I’m sorry that doesn’t make any sense to me.
Post # 6
CHristine2809: Thank you for your kind response 🙂 He left the first time because we started fighting alot, and he has recently lost his job so I was taking over all the financial responsibilites. He said I was holding all of it above his head, but I was just saying my income only goes so far we needed to be a little more frugal until he got another job. Now he works for the government and makes almost double what I do, and hes convinced I am only not sure about this DNA test because his friends told him Im a gold-digger. Im just not convinced about the test, because the dates don’t add up.
EmilyJoy: Sorry Nov 18! My bad, I was typing from my phone
Post # 7
KoiKove: Sorry! It was supposed to be November 18th, 2014. I cant figure out how to edit the post, sorry!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Your FI’s family has no say in this matter, especially since it has been proven not to be his! Try to relax & think about all of your options. If adoption ends up being the right choice for you & the baby, then so be it. I would also see another doctor ..you can’t be pregnant for a whole year!! Good luck!!
Post # 9
A gold digger? You were supporting him financially and now you’re a gold digger? He sounds like an ass if he’s that willing to let his friends turn him against you for something so silly, and you’re probably better off without him. Although I’m sure that’s not much of a consolation at this point!
Post # 10
Stressedoutmommatobe: ah got ya! I know how fickle these phones can be!!! I can’t believe he would think you were a gold digger when you were taking care of him!!! I hate to say it, but it doesn’t sound like he would be that great of a father or help you out at all. You shouldn’t have to worry about what his family thinks. I don’t think this makes you a terrible person either! You are just trying to do the right thing. If adoption is what you want to do that is a very mature and Nobel thing to do. Take your FI out of the equation and just follow your heart. It sounds like he is not very dependable and that is not what you need. I’m sorry you are going through this!!!!
Post # 11
Have you told any of your own family? You need all the support you can get right now.
As for your FI I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I agree with trying to find your one night stand because they should know they might possibly have a child.
As for raising her alone, it is doable. I don’t know your financial situation, but there is pregnancy Medicaid, WIC, food stamps. There also might be local charities that help pregnant women and single mothers in your area.
Keeping the baby is totally up to you. If you decide adoption, don’t feel ashamed. Your baby will end up in a loving home, and you can still be apart of her life if you wanted to.
Seeing as I just had my daughter, I feel for you. Please try to relax and keep yourself healthy. *You* became a *we*, and that’s what you need to focus on right now.