Please tell me I'm not crazy

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@annikinskywalker:  I wouldn’t be happy either. I think she needs to pay for it and to be honest I think it’s really rude of her to expect you to pay!

Post # 4
4043 posts
Honey bee

@annikinskywalker:  Wow, that’s a lot of money. It’s tricky, I personally would never ask my BMs to do that, but some people think that if you accept being in the bridal party that you accept the costs. 

Honestly though, I would suggest calmly and respectfully discussing your concerns about affording the hotel room. Maybe there is an alternative room that costs less.

Post # 5
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would say that you didn’t budget for this. that way it’s not a “mean” way to say no, but it’s honest. You should by no means have to pay for this, unless it was your idea which it was not. 

Post # 6
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I “asked” my BM’s to stay with me, and paid for the room myself. Granted it was a fraction of the cost of hers lol. I would not be happy!

Post # 7
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am having my chief BM stay with me because I didn’t want her paying for a room the night before as her boyfriend and her are already staying the night of the wedding but he can’t make the night before so instead of her getting a single I am having her with me. I wouldn’t make her pay at all. Infact I’m glad I will have company. I think if she wants you all to stay she should pay for it because like you say she would be having that room anyway. I chose a larger room because I wanted it and happy to pay for it, infact it wouldn’t even cross my mind to get my BM to pay half! Do you really need to stay, some of my BMs are turning up in the morning.

Post # 8
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Umm yeah I’d say something.  If SHE is making the choice to get that room, SHE should pay for it.  Let her know you didn’t budget for that and don’t have the money.

Post # 9
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

I’d be kinda pissed. I can see why she would want you to stay there, to have a last girl’s night and be there in the morning, but still. She shouldn’t say you HAVE to pay – offering is one thing, making it a mandatory cost that you didn’t know ahead of time of is another.

Tell her straight up you don’t have the funds and if she can’t cover your part then you’ll have to stay somewhere else by yourself. 

Post # 11
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

My girls stayed in a suite with me the night before the wedding. It was built into our overall wedding budget so they didn’t pay a cent. If a bride asked me to pay, if I could and wanted to, I’d say yes (although I personally wouldn’t want to because I prefer to sleep w/ my husband), if I couldn’t I’d say I’m sorry but I just can’t pay that, I’ll stay with you if you want company but I can’t pay.

Post # 13
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you can’t afford it, simply say so. You don’t need to sleep over. Just get there early that morning!

Post # 14
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@annikinskywalker:  that doesn’t sound fair. If you can’t afford it just tell her and offer her the option of you getting there early in the morning. She can’t force you to pay and stay.

Post # 15
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Wow that’s a bit rude. Especially as she’s insisting you pay for her share! Pleased you told her you hadn’t budgeted for this – just because she’s getting married doesn’t mean you ‘owe’ her the cost of a suite the night before!! 

Post # 16
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Anything like that that is “mandatory”, the bride should be paying for. If she expects you to contribute, you should get a say in choosing a more reasonably priced place. 

I’d tell her you can’t afford it and will meet her there in the morning. 

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