Post # 1
So I’ve been going back and forth on just getting the name change out of the way but I just feel like it is not even my choice.
Some back story as to why I feel this way is mainly comes from my DH’s side of the family. I never told anyone I planned to change my name nor did anyone ask. Well my MIL made announcements for the shower that was going to be held in another state for her side of the family and on it it said it was a party for future Mrs. HusbandsFirst HusmandsLast. When I saw that I wanted to cry. I hate being called that, I’m not changing my first name and I just feel like property when it is said that way.
After the wedding everyone who called me Mrs. HisLast or Mrs. HisFullName I would say “not until I fill out the paperwork I’m still Myfirst Mylast”. A little more crazy when we get mail if it says Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst HisLast I hand it to him since it doesn’t have my name on it. I also did this when we were going through the cards from the wedding and I’m sure his mom thought I was nuts.
I do plan on changing my name but I want to feel like it was my choice and not just expected of me. I feel like I’m loosing part of myself in a way but I know it would be nice to have the same last name as him. He hasn’t pressured me at all into changing it but I know he would like me too.
This was mainly just a vent, thank you for reading.
Post # 3
Hey date twin! Congrats!
I get what you mean. I changed my name too, but I strongly dislike the “Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast” so, so much. I guess I just grin and bear it.
Post # 4
I also HATE the Mrs. HisFirst HisLast! It absolutely would make me feel like property! I’m not changing my name, but I know I’ll be referred to this way. I’m hoping since I have a degree in Feminist Studies no one will call me that, but I’m sure it will happen. It’s so frustrating!
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
You’re not alone– but you have to understand EVERY woman is expected to change their name– that’s what’s traditional. But that doesn’t mean you HAVE to do it. And you have every right to tell people you are Mrs. Yourfirst Hislast.
I will NEVER be Mrs. Gregory Gibson. I’m not even sure I’m ok with Mrs. Gibson yet. FI has never pressured me either way and honestly doesn’t care (so long as I don’t make our kids hyfinate, which I’d NEVER do). But I’m not ready to give up my identity either, I’m still my own person, and so are you!
Post # 6
I know exactly how you feel! I am NOT changing my name (I am hyphenating though…. but not for a while).
I LOVE my last name and we are not PROPERTY! This is all from back when fathers ACTUALLY gave us away and the husband basically gets paid to take us off his hands. (Dowry).
I completely understand wanting to change a last name for children and if its something that is important to you, but it should not be required or expected.
One of my good friends didn’t change her last name for 5 years, and when she finally did she cried.
I am really happy my FI doesn’t mind me hyphenating! And as for being called Mrs. husbands first name, husbands last name (BARF). No, not for me.
Just stick to your guns, as long as your FI understands no one else’s opinion should matter.
Post # 7
@juliette.eliza: I know it is tradition but I would have like them to just ask me if I plan on changing (since there are many women do not change their name now) or at least how would I prefer being called refering to to Mrs hisfirst hislast issue.
@SweetartMD: He keeps telling me not to worry about what everyone else thinks but it is had to do when I feel like everyone is making the decision for me.
Thank you for the responses, they make me feel better. I don’t know when I plan on changing my name but feel like waiting until his family stops calling me by his name before I do change. My family asked questions about the name change before the wedding and his family didn’t. His family is really nice but I just hate how they continue to push things like this and have also been pushing for us to have kids for like the last 4 years when we were only engaged for 1.5 years before getting married. Them always pushing for things could be the reason I want to make a point by not letting them call me by a name before I decide I want to be called that. After writing this paragraph down I feel like my reasons are pretty stupid.