Post # 1
I’ll start with a recap. Before Mr. S & I were even engaged FMIL S was making not so nice little comments like “I never got an engagement ring” & “An engagement ring is not for a woman to ask for its for a man to give” (we had gone shopping for it together, he ended up picking it out by himself & did a great job). Then once the planning started the mean comments increased. Now maybe she didn’t mean it, maybe it was the stress… but it was a lot. The first week Mr. S got a call from FSIL S that he was ignoring her & his mother & that at least she made time for her family, he was leaving them out of the wedding planning & that wasn’t okay. Poor Mr. S had been working over time all week and no plans had even been made we were only 1 week in and waiting for venue availability. Again things calmed down as Mr. S made it a point to call more frequently & I began updating our mom’s with e-mails as things came along. Then there was guest list drama… we didn’t have equal representation, she wanted to invite her friends from way back when that Mr. S had never even met. Even though everyone on the guest list was a attendant, mutual friend, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or cousin’s child, and then 1 or 2 of Mr. S’s co-workers (he’s a firefighter they’re close). Then came the cake…. we went to Piggly Wiggly to sample as we had seen some lovely cakes there and loved it! Her response: Why are we going so cheap. And to the Khaki tuxes: She’d seen a white tux and they looked bad, and while she’d never seen a khaki tux it just would not look good. My favorite comments are “We’ve just never planned anything like this before” & ” I know when FSIL S gets married I’ll have to pay for all of that” (she knows we are paying for most of ours ourselves). So when we meet to go to dinner with her last week I am a bit nervous to tell her anything about my dress… she hasn’t liked anything I picked so far. She calls me last night to know more details she wants to see a picture of it and the bridesmaids dresses. Then she also wants to add the b/f of Mr. S’s cousin and the new b/f of Mr. S’s sister…… No one else is bringing their b/f’s we just didn’t have the room with the tight guest list. It is a big family affair everyone is traveling very far & with such distance people don’t get to see each other very often so I was kinda hoping to keep it a close more family thing…. so my mind starts racing. Is she judging my dress… I don’t want her sharing and bad mouthing it to FSIL. I am so nervous that they are judging everything that I do that I can’t even relax and enjoy. It is not totally classless. I guess it’s just that so many not nice things have been said that I feel protective of my wedding and am starting to not even want to do this with all the stress and critiquing I am getting. I have been thinking about what I want for a very long time & it hurts to have someone tell you the choices you are making that seem to be exactly what you want aren’t good enough. This is not what it is supposed to feel like!!!!
Post # 3
I’m sorry to hear that your FMIL is being difficult. Keep doing what you’re doing and make things how you and your fiance want them. I found that it has been easiest to make decisions and let my FMIL know what is going on by sending pictures and links to things we have picked. That way his family doesn’t feel like they are just showing up like every other guest at the wedding but it decreases the opportunity for them to add in various opinions that may frustrate or confuse you. The wedding world is filled with people you know and many that you don’t that would loveeeee to tell you how your day should be (the guy helping with our tux order said that choosing an ivory dress was a dumb decision, but he also said that he wanted a hat & pimp cane—everyone is different). Maybe use your fiance to discuss some of the more personal things like guest list. It will all work out 🙂
P.S. We are almost at the 6 month mark 🙂
Post # 4
I know it’s a lot of rambling but this is my first meltdown. Sometimes it’s just nice to vent and hear that you aren’t crazy… and Mr. S is at work 🙁
Post # 5
Eeeek… that’s uncomfortable. Sorry you’re having to deal with this. Is your FI aware that his mother is doing this to you and how it’s making you feel? If so, I’d say he needs to have a talk with her, a gentle “butt-out” talk, explaining that this day belongs to the two of you, and although you appreciate her suggestions when they are nicely given, that you two are paying for it and would appreciate a more supportive attitude. That would be my first step, before I really got angry, lol. Because I eventually would, lol! Either way, I hope it gets better for you. 🙁
Post # 6
I have already had my angry day but luckily she lives far away & I wasn’t talking to her at the time & could cool down & think it over… Mr. S has had this talk with both sister and mom a couple times… like I said maybe it’s the stress/excitement and I understand them wanting to be involved,but it finally got to me. I just got off the phone with Mr. S and he assured me everything will be great, his family will love it, his mother will come around.
@lampshade: A hat and pimp cane huh? I almost got an ivory dress because it looked good with my skin tone and at first I didn’t even know it wasn’t white till I saw it compared to a white dress!
Post # 7
You’re not crazy! Family drama is always the hardest to deal with, because no matter how much they irritate you, you still try your best to get along. *hugs* Sorry you have to deal with this, and your FI is probably right, it’s probably new to his mom, and she’ll come around.
She’s going to have to come around, it’s your wedding, not hers!! Good luck
Post # 8
I’m sorry maybe this is a little blunt, and you probably won’t do this.
but if FMIl and FSIL are being mean, I would tell them “you know what? It’s my wedding! I don’t really wanna share anything with you, because you aren’t making this enjoyable for me!” and that would be the end of it, and they would probably not hear anything about the wedding.
Also what’s up with the guest list?
Is FMIL paying for the extra guests or really anything for ther wedding?
If not, I would not invite them.
Post # 9
geez… i would be up to a bottle a day if i was you! seriously… repeat after me “im saving itas a surprise for the actual wedding day”
from now on, whenever the witch is on the phone nagging you for info that she has zero rights to demand, you will say “im saving that as a surprise for the wedding so you will see it on the wedding day”
you have to start standing up for yourself or this woman is going to walk over you forever… sending lots and lots of hugs because it sounds really stressful
Post # 10
They’re right, don’t let these two walk all over you–I would find a line like eloping suggested and stick with it!
BTW Piggly Wiggly has some kick-ass cakes, I might be getting mine there, too! So don’t feel “cheap”–I’ve had some bad bakery cakes, so if it tastes good, go for it! I assume you’re going with a Pig up in Myrtle but the one in Mt. Pleasant, near Seaside Farms I believe, is one of the best places in Chs for a cake! And khaki linen suits are how my friends are going, and they look great! So don’t feel bad–your wedding will look wonderful and you need to just chill out and not tell them anything else! Get your guy to stand up for you more, too!
Post # 11
@eloping: I LOVE the surprise line idea…. I should have asked 24 hours ago!
@cinemaparadiso: They just built a brand new Piggly Wiggly right by our house and it is so nice… we were walking through grocery shopping and saw their cakes and they were so great! They taste good too and allow you just about any flavor cake/filling you can think of.
Post # 12
My FMIL is the same way. She has no place to ask/demand the answers to the questions she asks of my and my FI. She makes it completely unbearable to discuss anything with her. She thinks we are making horrible choices when it comes to anything. Her favorite line is “well, thats different from when we were planing T’s wedding.” or even “thats different” (code for when the h?! are you doing) Hang in there and find your happy place. I def LOVE the idea of saying that you are saving it to be a surprise! 😉
Post # 13
I”m sorry you’re having such a rough time with your future in-laws. It hard to maintain the balance of family peace (especially for Mr. S) and being too worn down by their criticisms and nosiness.
I think the best solution is to explain to Mr. S that what they’re doing and saying makes you feel ____(fill in the blank) and ask him to have a discussion with them about it. they should respect him, and you because you are engaged to him! Try to keep the peace, but be firm!