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I'm siding with your mother. Yes, she put the money down, but ultimately it's your dress. If they try to "sell" it to you, just be firm that you don't want it.
What's the big deal? Someone needs to call and say you are no longer interested in the dress. I don't think any one is "supposed" to make the call, but I don't it's a big deal to do it yourself.
I don't think it matters whose job it is. Somebody has to call that store. Just call them and say "hi, we're unable to afford the dress we put a hold on. thanks, bye". Click.
Do you work? Could you put in some extra hours to pay for the rest of the dress if it's what you really wanted? If your mom can't afford the dress, she can't afford it. It's easy to get sucked into buying something in the first place, but why can't you help out too?
I understand b/c I hate making calls like that, but I really don't think it's going to be a big deal. Just call, say your mom put on a hold on a dress, but unfortunately your family decided it wasn't in the budget. Done!
don't be afraid to call them- it's not worth fighting over with your mom, but they have ppl cancel all the time! just call and say you found something else! you don't even have to mention the $ being the issue!
I don't see what the problem is here. Just make the call. If you call and you say you can't afford it, chances are, they won't pressure you to buy it. If they do, just say, "Sorry, it was way out of our budget, and we just can't." It will probably be a two-minute call.
There are going to be a lot of problems that are much more complicated than this during wedding planning. I'm not at all trying to be mean, I'm just saying that you'll be making a LOT of phone calls during this process, so it's best to get used to dealing with vendors now :)
I am helping out. Im buying my new dress. But there is no way i could affored a $1000 dress. I'm a full time student and mother to a 1 year old so money is tight.
Agree with the other ladies. Just do it. Be firm. I hate making phone calls like that, so I understand, but it has to be done. It is so not worth fighting with your family over.
If you're a big enough girl to get married, you're a big enough girl to make a phone call and deal with things on your own.
Yeah, I really wouldn't worry about who's job it is to give the call. Or who's right or wrong. I'd just call them and tell them you can't pay for the remainder. They can't force you to buy the dress. You won't get suckered into buying anything. It'll just go on the floor and someone else will buy it.
I am so nervous to make calls liek that. Can you ask FI to call? I know it's wrong but with any confrontational things for the wedding, I ask for his help.
I bet you will lose your $50 but if you didn't give them anymore money there is no way they can get any money from you. Before you order a dress they require a deposit just in case you back out they got something. If you haven't already placed a deposit I'm sure it'll be a 2 sec phone call.
Thanks guys for the imput. If I were the one to agree to buy the dress, sign the contract and say "I" will buy this dress then I would take full responsibility for it. Its not that I wouldnt make the call. I guess there is a little irritation in me going off cause in the first place I didnt want to buy a dress their due to the prices. Then she tells me to go ahead and I find the dress of my dreams. Then I get told "forget it". I guess it just all feels wrong. Im a big girl. Im marrying a wonderful God loving man who is the best father and person I could ever ask for. Im just a little hurt over this situation......
I'm in agreement here with the others, just make the call. Don't argue who's job it is. It's clear your mom won't and it's really not a big deal. If the store tries to pressure you push you into buying the dress, all you have to say is "thanks, but I can't" and if you have to hang up. You aren't obligated to buy the dress....unless you signed a contract or something. I guess the "worse" thing that can happen is your mom will lose her $50 deposit. If you mom asks for the deposit back then that will be the time to explain to her since she thought she could pay for the dress and then backed out then she lost the deposit.
I would just do it and get it over with.
First let me say that I totally understand where you're coming from. Mom should have never put you in that situation in the first place since you obviously already knew that they wouldn't purchase a gown at this store. It was her idea for you to go ahead and do so and it was her who said you would get that dress and it was her who put down the deposit. So I def get your point...
However....
Someone has to be the bigger person here. And why not have it be you? Wedding planning is stressful enough without petty arguments. I would just call and say quite simply. "I'm sorry but my parents have decided that they will not be able to afford this gown." They are probably going to try bargaining with you. But just hold your ground. These phone calls are never easy but just remain firm.
Side note: I hope your mother doesn't expect to get that $50 back because they probably are not gonna up it.
I'd just call. Seriously, whilst planning a wedding you really end up having to pick and choose your fights. Some things are really worth fighting your family for, some things just aren't. It doesn't matter who does it, someone just needs to phone the store. You can make it a quick call "Hi, I'm XYZ, I had some money put down on a dress but I actually won't be able to afford it." and that's that. It's not worth arguing with your mother about it.
There are going to be a lot of battles throughout wedding planning and you really have to pick which ones are worth fighting and to be completely honest I don't think this is one of them.
There is no way they can pressure you into buying the dress the $50 will be gone but that will be that - It will be quick and painless, so just make the call.
While I do think it's lame for your mom to put it on you when she was the one who told you to try it on and your dad is the one who nixed the idea, I don't think it's worth a power struggle over a phone call. May I suggest a compromise - call them yourself and make your mom into the bad guy on the phone. Win win.
I mean you're mom did say yes to placing the order, but since you're the bride and the order is in you're name out of courtesy you should be the one who calls the shop to cancel the order on the 1k dress.
Nobody can twist your arm and tell you no you can't cancel you have to buy the 1k dress. You just call cancel the dress be strong and stand your ground. If they try to convince you just say NO and hang up.
They can't make you buy the 1,000 dress. If they don't have your money they can not make you give them money. So I'm with everyone else in not seeing why you are so worried about this. You can't afford it so don't buy it, just calling them won't suddenly convince you you can afford it.
However I do think your mom is being childish and irresponsible. She was in charge of ordering and paying for that dress and it was your parents that decided they wouldn't buy it after all so IMO she should have called and told them that and I'm not sure why she refuses to do so.
But I'm with everyone else that it's not a conflict worth having and to just go ahead and do it.
Though, if you never contact the bridal store they aren't going to order the dress without more of a deposit than $50 so I guess you could just ignore the situation till it goes away - though that is sort of rude. Does the bridal salon have your or your mother's number?
if it was me, I would make the call rather then make my mom do it despite the fact she would pay for the dress. unless you sign a contract to buy the dress or something, the worse that can happen is they take your $50
Wow I have the exact opposite problem. My mom does it all without me even asking. She signs contracts and sends deposits without even confirming I want that vendor. Anyways, I hate making calls like that too. Your mom should really review the contract to determine if she's out just the $50 or maybe more. You can make the call for her but ultimately she is concerned with the outcome so I would think she might end up doing it if you hold off too long.
I'm sorry you're feeling hurt, and that you are in this situation in the first place.
That being said, shake it off, call the store and keep it short. You can do it girl!! I have faith in you!
AT this point, all your worrying about "having to buy the $1000 dress" is moot.
You do not know whether they will try to force you to buy the dress because you haven't called yet.
*ejs* is right - just call, tell them you are not going to purchase the dress, and hang up. Period. You don't even have to tell them why....it's none of their business. You will probably NOT get your $50 back, but that's the price you pay when you put earnest money down to hold a dress.
This is simple and not worth arguing over.
As long as you didn't sign anything committing yourself to a purchase, I think the worse the store can do is refuse to refund your $50. Just take a deep breath and call the store. Say, "I'm terribly sorry, but we have changed our minds regarding the dress." If they give you a hard time or start asking questions, just smile (it helps me deal with difficult people over the phone if I smile, even though I know they can't see me) and repeat that you have changed your mind.
You'll be ok! :) It sucks that you're being put in this situation.
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Ok so about a month ago me, my mom and my sister went wedding dress shopping. The stores prices were a little higher then what my parents wanted to go. I told my mom I wont try on any dresses due to the prices and thats ok. She convinced me to try on some anyway and we will go from there. Well I tried on a particular dress and absolutely fell in love with it! So did my mom and my sister. Its was $1000 and my mom said that its fine and we will go ahead and buy it. I was ecstatic! She put $50 down right then just to hold the dress at the store and told them she would pay for the rest later. I could not believe I was getting the dress of my dreams! About a week later my father called me and told me that we will not be getting that dress and I will have to go shopping at a cheaper place (one that was referred to them by a friend) and find a new dress. Needless to say I was sad but was okay with it. Another week later we went to another store which didnt carry my size 14/16. The highest they carried was a 12. I found a dress I sqeezed myself into and really like. We got a deal for sure and at $345 I have my dress and vail.
Now for the problem, My mom is telling me its my job now to call the other store and tell them I dont want the other dress. Im so afraid im going to get sucked into buying a $1000 dress. I feel as though this is her job since in the first place she was the one who agreed to buy it. I cannot affored to buy a $1000 Im not even going to wear! Shes telling me im acting childish. What?!?!?! Im 21 years old and AGREED in the first place not to even START trying on the expensive dresses! I feel as though im getting screwed over in every way here! HELP!