Plot Twist! Boyfriend Is A Felon!? (Long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@littledragon:  I’m wondering why he didn’t tell you about all this before you moved in with him.  You live with him, right?  How long have you been together?

Idk if it’s something to break up over or not.  People make mistakes but, still, a felony theft arrest is very serious, he could be facing prison time.

Post # 7
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@littledragon:  if this is someone you are going to marry then I say stick by him. It sucks but it wasn’t a violent crime. Make him come clean about everything so you can make an informed decision if you want to go forward. I Would need details even if it puts him in a bad/ worse light. People make mistakes. Theft is theft but I think there is a difference between trying to take stuff from your job and actively breaking in to or robbing a person on the street. 

Post # 8
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@littledragon:  I agree.  It would be one thing if he was 18 and didn’t quite think things through but at 30 he should have known that its bad news to be an accessory to a crime!

I’m kind of confused why the retailer didn’t fire the friend if they suspected him of stealing.  They were stupid to ask that person’s roommate to check him.  And if I were your bf I would feel very uncomfortable being put into the position of having to check my peers for merchandise.  I know what retail jobs pay because I’ve worked them before and they do not pay well enough to have to deal with that.

Post # 9
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@littledragon:  I don’t think the situation itself requires leaving him, but if he won’t TALK TO YOU about it, that is where you might reconsider your life with him.

I don’t have much advice about the felony thing, but you need to let him know that he has to be completely honest and open with you if he wants a future with you and if you are going to be able to trust him.

Post # 10
Hostess
15072 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

One, he lied to you. Omitting is lying in my book. Lying is a deal-breaker for me. 

Two, he could be a felon. At the very least he is dishonest (he lied to you, the store, and helped a thief). The life post felony sucks. I’ve seen people live it. It’s hard to get housing, insurance, loans, jobs, etc… Is that a future you want to contend with? Is that the type of person you want to make a life with? Only you can answer that. 

Post # 11
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you were already married to this man, then I would be telling you that I think you should remain with him and weather this storm.

However, because you are NOT married, I think you would be much better served now and in the future if you end the relationship immediately.

You already know about your SO’s prior misdemeanors, and, according to your own words, you are having trouble understanding how someone who was 30-32 years old at the time could have made such poor and irresponsible (not to mention illegal) choices. This man has already proven to you that he lies, flees responsiblity when he finds it to be inconvenient, and withholds vital information not only from the people he loves but also from governing authorities. Beyond that, you, very rightly, are wondering what else you may yet discover.

Are these the character traits that you would want in a husband and as a father to your potential future children? I am betting that the answer is a resounding, “no.”

Post # 13
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am not sure I could get past this. I’m REALLY against stealing… whether it’s from a big corporation or not.

Sorry you’re going through this!!

Post # 15
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I personally would not be overly concerned about a non-violent felony. My best friend has a felony – why? Because her SO was growing marijuana and her name was on the lease! She didn’t serve any time in jail, I think she was on probation for a year. But stil, she is a convicted felon.

I would be more concerned about his keeping this info from you. But no doubt it is kind of embarassing to admit such a thing – especially if he does not have the criminal mindset.

Only you can determine if he is worth waiting for. Also keep in mind that with today’s tight job market, he is likely to always have problems with finding a decent job that will hire him with his record.

BTW, I know WAY too much about this topic. I have WAY too many relatives and friends who have been to the “big house”. Sigh!

Post # 16
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

My SO has a felony from when he was in his early 20s. Non drug, non violent, spent a year in federal prison. He’s since (10 years) gone to college and been employed for years. it isnt autimatically a job curse forever. 

He also told me about it on our second date. 

 

He he may be reluctant to talk about it now because he is in shock. He did turn himself in as soon as he heard about it, so he isn’t running from it. Stay with him If you love him. 

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