Post # 1
i got married a few years ago and had 2 friends as bridesmaids. we had said we would be each others. fast forward to this year and she’s getting married but im not a bridesmaid, or included in any way other than being a guest.
i know i didnt hve a right to be her BM and if she had been having family then i think i would understand. but she has chosen a girl we used to work with who she had known less time than me, she was also a BM for this girl just like she was for me so i feel really hurt to be the one left out.
she never mentioned it to me which was also humiliating having to ask myself who her bridesmaids were..i said i felt bit upset and she said she thought as i had 2 children now that i wouldnt want the hassle..and that if i had wanted to be he BM i should have asked.
but no one asks do they?! i feel v hurt and upset. i dont want this to ruin our friendship but i cant help feeling it will as i have been left out and that cannot change now 🙁
please help me. im v upset over this
Post # 3
I would feel hurt too, but things change when you promise someone something two years prior. Maybe she is closer withthe other two right now too? Go and support her anyway and have fun. Don’t let this taint your friendship. It is hard not to be sad, but don’t be upset.
Besides, her saying you should have asked…you did the right thing by not asking. That wouldn’t have made the situation any better.
Post # 4
I think I may be about to have the same problem. One of my bridesmaids just became engaged and I have the feeling she may not pick me. I’ve already got myself ready for it and have decided although deep down I will be upset I will just remember how hard it was for me to choose mine. You can’t have every friend up there with you (well, you can but it depends how large you want your bridal party to be!) and I wouldn’t want her to feel like she is pressured to have me in her bridal party just because she was in mine. She has already been a bridesmaid 3 times, my wedding will be her 4th.
I can totally see where you are coming from but if you love her you just need to be there still to support her. She will probably be feeling a bad for not choosing you.
At least you can sit back and enjoy her wedding without having to run around all day like the other bridesmaids.
Post # 5
thank u both for replies 🙂
i know im being silly about it..it just really hurts. i have never been a bridesmaid ever, i have no sisters, no cousins and my husband has no sisters so i thought my one chance at being a BM would hopefully be now!!
im sure she has of course not meant to hurt me but im just worried about feeling upset at the wedding. i really dont want to be..
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I’ve had this happen to me a few times and it never gets easier. Somehow I’m just not as close to the bride as someone else is. I try to cheer myself up by knowing that I won’t have to spend the $$$ on a BM dress or accessories and I can just enjoy the wedding.
Not being a BM really worked out for me for two of the weddings where I wasn’t invited to be in the bridal party. At both the BMs were so busy getting ready that the brides felt left out and ignored. I happily dropped by their dressing rooms and chatted with them while waiting for the BMs to finish up and come back to attend the bride. They were special moments that I would not have gotten had I been a BM and busy getting ready myself.
Post # 7
I know it’s disappointing but look at the plus side!
You get to experience her big day and all the things that go along with it (bridal showers, bachelorette, etc.) but you don’t have to spend all the time and money that goes along with the planning and execution of those events! That fact that you have two young children was probably her big motivating factor. She is being sensitive to the time and money constraints that come with being a Mom! It’s normal to be disappointed, but being a bridesmaid is NOT all rainbows and sunshine – promise you that! 🙂
Post # 8
I would be disappointed too, but it sounds like she really didn’t want to inconvenience you. Try not to let it get to you!
Post # 9
i feel like im being so horrible to feel upset but it really does hurt!
i appreciate i have kids etc but i would hve been so honoured to be a BM..
i was the only friend who didnt get to go on the hen/batchelorette party too as when she sorted out dates she said there was only 1 weekend others could do, but i couldnt 🙁 so everyone went except me. that was this weekend so i think thats whats set me off feeling all upset..
part of me thinks, am i wrong about how close wevare? do i think our friendship is more special than she does? that hurts me but i guess it happens?
i do think that really she knew i would hve loved to do it..
Post # 10
It really is probably because you have kids. I don’t think I would have asked someone who had that added responsibility.
I realize that my BMs might not ask me to be in their wedding party when they get married, and that’s fine. But I’m also really shy so I guess that’s why I don’t care.