Plus 1 at weddings!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m in the EXACT same boat as you – our wedding is 40 people.  5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen.  We told everyone who is in steady, long term relationships that we’d LOVE to celebrate with them, but for the singles, no plus 1.  Our friends are totally understanding, given the small, intimate nature of the event.  If you pitch it to them lovingly, as “we are having a small wedding because we want to celebrate with close friends and families ONLY”, they ought to understand… I would not say that’s bridezilla -that’s why you’re having small wedding, right?

Post # 3
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

eecuadrado:  I think it’s uncool. If they’re in relationships (even if you don’t approve of those relationships), it seems unfair to give one BM a +2 and not a +1 to the others. They won’t be in your ceremony photos or posed bridal party photos anyway. You’ll only see them in reception pictures, that’s not that big a deal.

Post # 6
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

People in relationship don’t need you to agree or approve of the relationship they just need you to accept and respect they are a social unit. eecuadrado:  if at the time of the invite your BMs are in romantic relationships anvite for their SO should be extended. I agree a plus 1 invite for platonic friends as random dates is not necessary.

Post # 7
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

Because you are having a small intimiate wedding, I personally think you can get away with requesting no plus ones. Espeically if you dont know the people! And if you explain that to the people that are requesting to bring a plus one, I hope they would understand. i know i would!

Post # 9
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

1) It’s your wedding do whatever you want.

2) But if you’re asking if it’s cool, and whether I think it’s appropriate, it’s not. They’re in relationships and they’re in your bridal party. They are probably expecting their SOs to be invited and I would be peeved if I were them. None of the SOs of my bridal party members were in our pictures anyway. A few reception shots at dinner and dancing, but not the staged ones you frame in your house. 

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

“Hey, please come to an event celebrating my relationship, but you aren’t allowed to bring your significant other because I don’t like them/they’re odd/I don’t want them there/you might break up in the future/I don’t see your relationship as “worthy” enough for you to be treated as a couple at my intimate pretty princess party!”. 

You’re in the wrong, you need to extend them a +1, you don’t get to judge whether or not their relationship is real or will last, and not liking them is not a good enough reason for you to be rude. 

Post # 13
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This is why you don’t have over 25% of the people coming to your wedding in your wedding party (assuming your groom has 6 guys on his side).  It makes it hard to keep a wedding small and be a sensitive host.  

Nothing you can do about it now if you want to keep your numbers down, but it’s pretty rude to allow one bridesmaid to bring 2 guests and others 0 and judge their relationships, especially after them having bought a dress of your choosing and having (presumably) helped throw you 2 pre wedding parties.

Post # 14
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You said you don’t agree with their relationship.eecuadrado:  that is way different than just saying you don’t know their SOs well. If these are your nearest and dearest friends and famiky take the time to meet their SOs.

Nope, I don’t think it matters wether they live together. I didn’t shack up with my husband before marriage, but we were most definitely in a committed relationship from the first day we met.

As long as you extend an invite to a named person you don’t need to worry about random folks. For the MOH with on again off again boyfriend if they are off- guess what, she is not going to bring him.

Post # 15
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

eecuadrado:  If you were in a wedding and the bride didn’t like your BF or FI, would you be upset if you weren’t allowed to bring him along?

A relationship (married or not) is considered a social unit and it is considered rude to not invite both parties. 

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