Post # 1
Hey everyone this is my first post here and I am hoping for a little advice from all you lovely ladies 🙂
So our wedding is in 3 months and we are getting ready to send out invitations. We have had a few people mention to us things like “oh I just don’t know who I’ll bring as my plus one” or “I’ll bring a friend as my plus one if I don’t have a date”. Here is the problem everyone, we are not giving plus-ones. We are inviting couples who are married, engaged, or in serious relationships together but single people do not have a plus one.
We are not trying to be controlling, it’s just a size thing. Our venue is a small (but beautiful) country club and the ball room only holds 80 people comftorably with the dance floor. This is a small wedding and we didn’t want to clog up the guest list with plus-ones and leave out people who are important to us. Also, we are having a served dinner so someone bringing an unvited date will be turned away due to lack of seat and dinner, and I think that would just really upset me, so I want to avoid it.
How do I tell the people who have made comments like this that they are not going to have a plus-one? I want it to be crystal clear that they are expected to come alone.
Post # 3
You just say,unfortunately we are not going to be able to let people bring plus one’s if they aren’t in a serious relationship (or whatever your threshold is).
Since some people don’t understand basic invitation ettiquete such as when something is addressed to “Ms Cynthia Jones” it means her and only her, you can add more clarity on your RSVP card. We put “we have reserved ___ number of seats in your honor” filled out with the proper number of course. We had NO one show up with uninvited guests and no problems.
Post # 4
I think this is one of those occasions where writing on the invitation “One seat has been reserved in your honour” should sort out any ambiguity.
That’s not to say you won’t get any drama because people can be fearfully entitled so far as invitations are concerned! But at least they’ll know the score when they get the invitation and can RSVP accordingly.
Post # 5
@March1stBride: I just find the problem with that is you may not realize that some people are in a serious relationship. It is a good idea to tell them upfront that there is no plus ones being invited – many may already be making plans to bring someone. I would also keep in mind though that if some people feel strongly about having a plus one you can tell them that they could only come if someone else declined and there is room on the list for them.
I have a very small guest list and I took this into account when I was adding to the list, I made sure everyone would have a plus one so I would stop when it became too full.
It is also good to keep in mind though how people are going to feel so you can brace for their reactions. Some people simply cannot attend social events unless they are going with someone to support them – so you could expect them to try and push for one, while others just need to be told how many other people will be there that they will know.
Post # 6
@March1stBride: As @Steampunkbride said, I would write in how many seats were saved. But try to keep in mind that THEY are the ones being rude! If you are invited to a hosted dinner, do you just assume you can bring whoever you want? Hell, I’m engaged and still ask if it’s cool to bring FI with me!
Post # 7
@MsJ2theZ: That is such a great idea! I was getting ready to order our invitations today and I went ahead and added that line onto the RSVP card!
@JessicaJupiter: The thing that worries me about telling people that if someone else declines they can bring a plus one is being consistent and not playing favorites. I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings if they come to the wedding alone, respecting our wishes, and then see that someone else was aloud to bring a date simply because they made a bigger deal out of it.
@MexiPino: I agree! I was super suprised that this was even an issue. I thought that most people understood that you cannot just bring who ever you want. Although this seems to be a super common wedding guest list issue.
Post # 8
@March1stBride: Yeah, I think it really varies region to region, culture to culture and even family to family. I mean, I’m 35 and have been single (or in a relationship my family didn’t know about) up until last year and never once was I given a plus one to any wedding. I never expected it. I’m there with my family, why would I need to bring a random date/friend? I plan to hold to the “serious relationship” rule for our guestlist except in the very few cases where a guest doesn’t really know anyone else there. For example, I have one friend who I met on a dating site YEARS ago. We became penpals when he went away to basic training. He’s met my BFF & her husband ONCE but other than that, he will know no one at my wedding. So yeah… he’ll get a plus one because it would be awkward otherwise, but friends who will be seated with friends they party with every weekend? Nope.
Post # 9
Make it very clear by having a line on your response cards like “___ seats are reserved for you” and you fill that blank in.
Post # 10
@March1stBride: Consistency really is key. Our rule for our (small 40ish person) wedding is no plus ones except for the bridal party. Period. The bridal party gets a plus one (though only 2 of them may potentially use it – everyone else is married/engaged) and this actually cuts one of guest’s long term boyfriend off the list. Are you engaged/married? Nope? No plus one. Consistency!
Post # 11
@MexiPino: I think part of it too is people who have planned a wedding (or been close to someone planning a wedding) understand it while people who have not planned a wedding yet or have not been involved don’t understand why it is such a big deal. I think it’s a perspective thing. They think “Well what is the big deal if I bring a date it’s just one more person” but what they don’t understand is it’s them and 15 other people who all think its just “one more person” that adds up to be a lot of people, space and money. And when you have a limited number of seats, like we do, one person bringing a date could mean that somebody who is important to the bride and groom is left out and I think most people would hate to do that, they just don’t think about it. Do you know what I mean?
@ebarnes0: I could not agree more. We decided when we did the guest list to have no acceptions. I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings and looking like I chose some people to have a date while others I did not allow to have a date looks like playing favorites to me. We are just going with people who are married, engaged, or in serious relationships are invited as a couple together and single people are invited as single people. No acceptions.
Post # 12
@March1stBride: Yeah, that too. I mean, my guestlist is rapidly approaching 200 and we haven’t even talked to our parents at this point. Yet, that is a severly stunted list that includes only my four best friends- everyone else is family. But people hear “we’re having 200+ guests” and they assume it’s a ‘big’ wedding that everyone can be invited to. Nope. There is no room for randoms in that number. I’m not letting my 21 year old cousin bring some random dude I’ve never met when she’ll be perfectly fine with her ENTIRE FAMILY there, and when random dude would be taking my best friend’s seat. Nope. Not gonna happen.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2016 - The Fox Hollow
You don’t have to tell them anything. When they get their invitation and it says “Ms./Mr. So-and-so” with no “and guest” they will get it. And if they have the balls to say something, just be honest and say it’s an issue of size. We are doing the exact the same thing, but not because of size of venue but because of money. We can’t afford to feed every single person’s BFF or one-night-stand at over $100 a plate.
Post # 14
Everyone gave great suggestions. I’ve seen another Bee put something like this on her RSVPs:
Mr. XX XX
____ Accepts ____ Declines
Mrs. XX XX
____ Accepts ____ Declines
Obviously, the names can be blank and you’ll have to fill them in.
Your RSVP card will probably get pretty wordy but better safe than sorry.
I found also that just addressing it to Ms/Mr. XX XX doesn’t mean that person knows she or he is the only one invited. That person might automatically think she or he gets a +1.
ETA: I found that people are really clueless about these things especially men. My husband’s childhood friend was not invited because it was supposed to be family only. He came with a date. Sigh…
Post # 15
not one person who we invited singly wanted to bring a date who wasn’t in a relationship.
i had a smaller wedding of 120 people and am very good friends with everyone i invited.
had someone said they were bringing a date, i would have asked why i haven’t met their long time SO.
Post # 16
@Future_Mrs_Amato: I totally agree. I mean that is part of it for us too. Our wedding is also $100 a plate and we are not planning on having everyone’s flavor-of-the-month hanging around for that much. I think I could potentially lose my patience if someone said something after getting an invitation. I feel like this is my wedding, one of the most important nights of my life, not your date night, I think people lose view of that quickly.