Post # 1
So I’ve always thought that the etiquette on invitations was that for established relationships, instead of “and guest” you would put the name of the significant other. Now, I know this can be a little more of a gray area with people that are not engaged so I suppose I could be mistaken.
I sent my sister my wedding list for my shower. Now I have my other sister and her boyfriend, who she has been dating for about two years as Jane Doe and John Smith. And my sister who I sent the list to says I shouldn’t have his name on there. Then I said something to my mother about how I think sis should brush up on her wedding etiquette and she goes on about how my sister with the bf was upset when she got her save the date because I addressed it to both of them and how that’s not right because she shouldn’t be told that she has to bring him as a guest to my wedding.
Am I mistaken in this? I thought including SO names as the guest name on the envelope was proper? Then if I went around and put and guest on the envelopes of people who aren’t engaged I feel like I would end up offending people…
Post # 3
I don’t think you did anything wrong, as long as they are established couples, (and I think 2 years is very established!)
Post # 4
Why was your sister offended when you included her boyfriends name whom she has been with for 2 years? lol I’m sorry but to me that is just alittle odd.. I mean, would she NOT bring him and someone else?
I am doing a family style wedding, so I an addressing it to the man/woman if they are a couple living together and putting “and family” meaning their kids if they have any.
If they are single with no kids I am simply putting their name. If they want to bring a date that’s fine, if not even better haha
Post # 5
I think you are right, I would definitely put the SO’s name as long as they are an established couple.
Post # 6
@Cem0930: “So I’ve always thought that the etiquette on invitations was that for established relationships, instead of “and guest” you would put the name of the significant other.”
Close. What is proper is that you should treat all your guests with equal courtesy, and there should be no people at your party who are not your guests. You show courtesy by addressing each guest by name, and by sending each guests invitation to his or her own address. So if the “significant other” lives with the person they will be accompanying, you address the invitation to both of them just as if they were married. If they are NOT living together, you send two invitations: one to each of them, by name.
Your sisters are badly mistaken to think they are entitled to bring guests to another hostess’s event. As hostess, you are responsible to ensure that your guests are safe under your roof, including being safe from meeting inappropriate or dangerous people. How can you ensure that, if you don’t even know who is coming?
Now, if you do send the boy-friend’s invitation to his own address, then you are NOT telling your sister he “has to” bring him as a guest. They can both come independently if she doesn’t want to “bring him”. But she doesn’t get to bring any different guest. And that is what proper etiquette says!
Post # 7
I think you did everything reall well. Looks like no one can be pleased… Anyway, would you invite her BF without her? Probably not. So sending one invitation was just perfect. She can always RSVP 1 instead of 2. I don’t get the problem. Personally, I don’t like “and guest”, I don’t know what the ettiquette is but it alwasy seems a bit “and random stranger I’ve possibly never met before” to me!
Post # 8
@ladyartichoke: Yeah, I’ve decided this is going to be an issue I am not going to do incorrectly just to make others happy. Plus, I think it seems pretty rude for me to not write his name when we know him so well. I tend to want to make everyone happy which causes problems. I just have to remember than despite what my mother and sisters think I’m 27 and it’s my wedding so we’re going to be doing things my way.
Post # 9
@Cem0930: If somebody has a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance(e)/husband/wife at the time the invitations go out, they should be invited with their SO by name (doesn’t matter if they’ve been dating 3 years, 3 months, or 3 weeks). It’s not a summons, she doesn’t have to bring him BUT it shows you are inviting him like you should and prevents the “well, you said ‘and guest’ but I decided to bring a random friend instead of my SO”.
Post # 10
As long as they are established, I think it is appropriate to include them on the invite. To be honest, I would be offended (and I have been in the past) if I was engaged to someone and they didn’t put the SO’s name on the envelope.