Plus One Guest Had Sex At My Wedding!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

“I am flattered that our wedding melts your butter, BUT couldn’t you have waited until AFTER the receiving line? I will be honest: we were embarrassed.”

Thing with guests though is that you cannot control what they do under the influence of alcohol.

Maybe this is a good time to reassess the relationship/friendship. How does your DH feel about this?

Post # 3
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Whoesso was the male guest to you? It sounds like you are putting most of the blame on this girl, if you are better aquainted with him, then I thinyou’re should bear the brunt of your anger.

That being said though, I think your making a big deal out of nothing. These things happen at weddings, and do not reflect on you, it does however reflect on your misbehaving guests. If anything, take it as a compliment that your guests must have had a good time, as they were clearly mingling well. 

Post # 4
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

How exactly did you find out? If someone told you, I’d drop it. Leave it alone. Second hand information isn’t always correct regardless of who tells you (they might have gotten it second hand, too. Been too tipsy. Didn’t like the person. Lying.) Just go, “That was shitty, but it happened.” and put it to bed.

If you saw it, definitely tell the person you’re pissed off at them and you think they were trashy.

However, regardless of what you do, nothing can make it un-happen. Nothing will make you not embarassed over it, nothing will erase your memory of it. Confronting her and him won’t make it go away nor will it make it any better and if this male person is a friend of yours, it could drive him away from the friendship.

If it were me, regardless of how the information was obtained, I’d groan, roll my eyes and move on with my life.

Post # 5
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

kiwihoney:  How many wedding guests saw them? Did you see them as they were getting it on?

I agree with nessdawwg: that it sounds like you’re blaming the woman more than the man a situation in which they were obviously both to blame. One person is not more to blame than the other and should not suffer your wrath disproportionately for this reason. If it were me and I were more annoyed with one person than the other, I would be more annoyed with the male friend than the random +1 woman you barely know.

I also think you’re blowing this way out of proportion. What your guests do reflects on them more than it does on you. If one guest is a friend of yours, I think their behavior could be considered a reflection of the company you or your husband keep, which is why I would be more annoyed with the male guest than the +1 woman. I don’t know how many people saw your guests doing this, but if they hid themselves and hardly anyone saw them getting it on, then there’s really not a big fuss to be made and it’d hardly constitte ruining your weddng day. If only a few people saw them, I would apologize to the guests for their discomfort, talk to the male friend about the inappropriate nature of his behavior, and move on with my life.

Post # 6
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why are you blaming the girl more than the guy? I’m sure they are both equally responsible.

I’m also curious how many guests saw them? And did someone actually see them having sex, or did they just come out of the bushes looking like they just had sex?

Please try to concentrate on what went right on your wedding day. I’m sure at the end of the day there are much more positive things to remember. Hopefully in a few months you can laugh at this incident.

Post # 8
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

kiwihoney: Firstly, no one is laughing AT YOU. No one. They are laughing WITH you about the stupid behaviour of two other guests. What a guest does at your wedding is not your fault, everyone with half a brain understands this and I’m sure that your other guests have more than half a brain. Therefore, your other guests are not laughing at you. Ok? Good, moving on.

Let’s put this into perspective. No one got drunk and vomited on your cake, no one drunkenly pushed you into a lake, no one interrupted your vows, ruined your photos or stopped you from being legally married.

What did happen is that two random guests had sex in an awkward location. You realise that that is a wedding stereotype right? It happens, it happens A LOT. Many a bee has posted about people hooking up at their wedding, sometimes married people and not with their spouses! It happens, it’s funny and it’s a reflection on THEM not you. It’s not as if they did it on the alter during the ring exchange!

Calm down, move past it and/or make it into a funny story. I promise you, this did not ruin your day, the only way it can do that is if you let it do so in your mind. 

Post # 9
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

kiwihoney:  I highly doubt everyone was laughing at you. I just don’t understand How the people closest to you would do that. They where probably laughing a the guests in question. Honestly, if this happened at my wedding, I would we making fun of my friend and think of it as a funny story.  Unfortunately these things happen when you mix romance, girls in their best dresses, men in their best suits and booze.  If this is all you can focus after your your wedding day where you marrithey our husband, perhaps you should reassess your priorities?

Post # 11
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

kiwihoney:  1 of2 things has always happened at any wedding I’ve gone to. there has been a brawl or people have been busted shagging. Sometimes both lol. I guess I’m thinking in those terms I’d prefer the love over the war 🙂

Post # 13
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

  kiwihoney:  Hell, at my cousin’s wedding we actually nearly ran over one of the groomsmen who was having sex with another guest in the field that was being used as a car park. It was quite funny. Then she spent the night trying to drunkenly and noisily break into the B&B owned by the groom’s family where most of the wedding party and family were staying so she could get in to see this guy, and literally no-one would let her in, or was impressed at all. So. These things happen, there’s always going to be a couple of people who get drunk and do something stupid.

Post # 14
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would just laugh it off.  Honestly, when people are laughing, they aren’t laughing at you, they’re laughing at the two who were hooking up.  What’s done is done, and you can’t really keep dwelling on it.  FWIW, I had a family member hook up with my husband’s coworker on the night of the wedding, and that was pretty big talk for a while.  I refer to the coworker as “Uncle” now as a joke.  It’s nothing to get your panties in a twist over.  Two adults made a bad decision – their decision isn’t a reflection on you.

Post # 15
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That’s really awful. I hope you can move past it soon. That said, they both absolutely owe you an apology. I don’t care how common uncovered public sex with strangers at public events is–and honestly I’ve only ever seen/heard that on TV. It’s trashy (I wish I could think of a stronger word) and it’s unacceptable. For the record, I’m not one of those who excuses bad behavior just because the actor had been drinking. Actually, I question the character of anyone who has ever done anything like this. Be horny, fine. But have the decency to go to the backseat of a car or a bathroom stall. You’re just gonna drop down and get your eagle on where people can actually see you? At the most important event of someone’s life?An event for which they likely paid tens of thousands of dollars? I’d never EVER speak to either of them again.  

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