Post # 1
A couple of weeks ago, I received a wedding invitation from a college friend of mine. I naturally assumed that it came with a plus one option, as me and my sweetheart have been together for close to 7 years. We are not married, but still it is going to happen in the foreseeable future and all of my friends know it. However, the invitation was only addressed to me, so i decided to make sure. I was really surprised, when the answer was that the invitations are individual and did not have a plus one, because a lot of people were invited. At first, I was a little irritated, but still if it was the case with everyone else, I would understand because weddings are really expensive. But then, I heard that another friend of mine was also attending and he barely knew the groom. The reason he was going was that his girlfriend is close with the bride. I guess some other guest would also to bring their loved ones, so I felt really frustrated and eventually delicately informed my friend that i would not be able to attend. He did not say anything, but i know that he has been asking other people why I am not coming. I actually feel a little bad, but still what got to me was the fact that people, who have been in a relationship for far shorter time than me, have received an invite for their significant other, while I didn’t. Do I have the right to be frustrated, or am i overreacting?
Post # 3
I would be frustrated and I would also probably choose to not attend.
Post # 4
That sucks, but you did the “only” thing you could, you declined… sorry to hear that.
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@ksdim: I wouldn’t attend if I were you.
Post # 6
yes you do have a right to be frustrated. i would not attend either. if they are reasonable people then they would not get upset about your decision. they made the decision to not invite your SO and probably other SOs so they cannot expect those guests to be okay with attending alone.
Post # 7
Do you live together? If you are a dating, couple living apart then you are not a social unit, and they do not have to invite him within the guidelines of etiquette.
You are also polite to decline the invitation.
I don’t think there was an etiquette violation on either end.
But you can feel about it how you like, and I also think I would be upset.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@ksdim: Simply said, yes, I do think that you are not wrong to feel the way you do. You have been with this man for a long time, it is not as though you have only been dating for seven weeks.
Post # 9
@andielovesj: No, we are not living together technically, because she has a place of her own. But, i do not think that makes it less serious than other couples who live together on a full basis. I don’t know, maybe it is not within the guideliness of etiquette, but regardless I find it inconsiderate to judge the seriousness of a relationship solely based on whether you live with someone or not. As i said, we have been with each otherfor almost 7 years and moving in together permanently is something we have not done so far due to practical reasons. Still, I believe we have a much more committed and deep relationship than many other people, who have been a couple for less time but live together. Anyways, thank you all, I appreciate the answers and the support.
Post # 10
You definitely have the right to be frustrated and given that others have recieved plus ones I’d be fuming. But don’t feel bad. You did the right thing be declining the invite and not making a scene.
Post # 11
Definitely not overreacting – I think you did the right thing. I would be pretty annoyed about it too.
Post # 12
OP do the bride and groom know your SO? The reason I ask is because it sounds like they know both parties in that other relationship so they were both invited, not because their relationship is more serious than yours.
Post # 13
@andielovesj: Do you live together? If you are a dating, couple living apart then you are not a social unit, and they do not have to invite him within the guidelines of etiquette.
Well, technically, etiquette does say that only couples who are engaged, married, or living together are invited as a social unit. Couples living together are included in this list because etiquette assumes that a couple living together is secretly married. This is, of course, ridiculous and is why this particular etiquette rule is severly outdated and non-applicable to today. It’s the 21st century and many couples live together before they are married and it’s pretty clear they aren’t married. It’s unfair to automatically invite a couple living together as a couple and not extend the same courtesy to a couple who has chosen not to live together for whatever reason.
OP, I think your friend is being rude and I’d decline the wedding.