Post # 1
One of our very dear friends just RSVP’d for him and a plus one. However the invite was only addressed to him. My FI and I are casual friends with the girl he wants to bring (FYI – they are friends, not dating). Normally I wouldn’t have a problem, except that this is our wedding and we can only accomodate so many.
Plus, he clearly already asked her to come because under the comment section he wrote: ‘Insert girl’s name’ and I wouldn’t miss your wedding for the world!
I’m torn, because I really don’t want to cause a rift. We see her at friends parties and I’m not sure if she would be extremely hurt or would understand if she found out that she wasn’t invited. On the other hand, this is the same girl who asked me if she was invited to the wedding – months ago. Of course I said… we have a really big family, etc.
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s worth it to cause a rift.
Post # 4
I feel like you have to let her go now. I’m hoping people don’t do that to me, it’s annoying! How do you prevent that from happening?
Post # 5
Oh, this is hard. I am sorry. I think that I would cave and let her come only if someone else replied no and we now had the extra space. If you don’t have the extra room, then just explain to your good friend and hopefully they both understand.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I know if I were in your shoes I’d be very annoyed that this happened, but if you can accomodate it, I’d just let her come, especially if you know you’ll run into her a lot in the future.
If for whatever reason you simply cannot have room for her (venue maximum or what not), then I wouldn’t feel bad about telling him that you’ve actually reached your max and you can’t possibly accomodate her… but only if that’s the truth (otherwise, you might feel guilty!).
Post # 7
If you have room in your budget, Id say yes to let her come. If you dont then you have every right to say no. You clearly sent it to him only and I dont understand why people think they can add whoever they want! If he is a really good friend I might just bite the bullet and let him bring her. Will you have other single guys/girls for him to hang out with if he doesnt have a date?
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
I’m weaksauce and I would let her come. I know it’s a sucky situation, but I think she’d feel pretty bad if she planned on attending and then was told she couldn’t attend.
Is there any way you could make room in your seating/budget for her?
Post # 9
@ naangel55- His sister is actually one of my bridesmaids and he’s good friends with my FI’s stepbrother, so yes he’d fit in just fine without his plus one.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
Ugh, that sucks. Sometimes guys can be so clueless. He probably didn’t know that was in bad form. I’d say let her come, just because it would be awkward to have to tell him no. I suck at confrontation-y situations, so I tend to be a pushover.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
If she’s the only unexpected +1 and you have any declines, since she’s already sort of a friend, just let her come and don’t think about it. How annoying, though!
Post # 12
I agree, what a tough spot! I’d probably let her come– and hope you get a better gift in return! Hopefully the karma will favor you in some other wedding respect!
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
Yes, it’s easier to just let her come. This is the reason why I don’t agree with not giving people plus ones. It is just too difficult to convey to them that they have to come alone or not at all. I know other people will disagree with me, but that’s just how I feel. Most people do not understand the intricacies of wedding ettiquette and they will just assume they get a plus one and then be offended if they find out they don’t get one.
Post # 14
I voted yes. Normally I’d stand firm on this, but because she is an acquaintance and you say this guy is a “dear friend” I think that it is a special exception assuming that other singles won’t get riled up over it.
Post # 15
Thanks for the advice everyone! I think I’m going to let it go and move on. Hopefully no one else wants to bring another unexpected guest. I suck at confrontations
Post # 16
It sounds like he’s a close enough friend where you can maybe let this one slide? Like you said, hopefully no one else is inviting a plus one.