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Invitation Wording... Disgruntled Mother....
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Plus one NOT a date, but a drinking buddy... SERIOUSLY!?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
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    1.
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    Worker bee
    GingerRogers    July 31, 2010   Canada

    We have sent out our invites and for one of my cousins we addressed it to him and guest. He is seeing (well on and off) two women, so i figured he would bring one of them. I just found out from his mother that he is deciding between one of them and one of his drinking buddies... We were so upset over this. We did not want to pay for dinner for his buddy and have them drink outrageous amounts at the bar (its a host bar).

    I am at a loss of how to emphasize that the plus one was for a date, not a friend. There will be 104 other guests there - and he knows over 75% of them, so its not like he will be lonely or have no one to talk to... How can i tell him that the invite was intended for his date, not just an open invitation for anyone without sounding like a complete jerk?

     
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    Bee Keeper
    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    I don't think there IS a way you can dictate to a guest who their +1 is.....  plus, he hasn't made a decision yet - so, cross your fingers that he picks the girl.  If you are close to your cousin, you could ask him casually who he's planning to bring and see if you could sway his choice - but I wouldn't pick this as the hill to die on, if he ends up bringing him.

     
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    Honey bee
    Meowkers    August 27, 2011   Los Angeles, CA

    Since you gave him an open +1, I do think he can bring whomever he wants.  I don't think you can tell him who he can and can't bring.  If you had specified a guest's name, then that's a different story.

     
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    Sugar bee
    beekiss2      

    You can't really dictate, but is there a way that your parents let his mother know that it isn't acceptable to bring a "drinking buddy." My only other suggestion is to let the bartender know who your cousin and his friend is so to cut them off after two drinks.

    EDIT: Do you know the girl's name?  Could you send another invite with his and his girl's name on the invite?  (I don't know if that's poor etiquette, it probably is)

     
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    Bumble bee
    Boston Bee      

    If you give someone a +1, I'm not sure that you can dictate who that is. Maybe say something in passing to someone who might pass it on? Good luck!

     
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    Busy bee
    riley jane    May 2011   Virginia

    I agree with the other bees. I've heard of people bringing a female friend as their "date" before.

     
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    Helper bee
    VintageDivine    August 11, 2012   Portland, OR

    This is a sucky situation.  I think the alarm goes off at the words "drinking buddy", not Friend.  It makes it sound like he's only attending the OP's wedding to get trashed.  I think the best thing you can do is, if he picks the drinking buddy, to ring up your aunt and hint that you're a little concerned about his choice in date...but how you'd word that tactfully is beyond me.  I second the idea of having the bartender cut them off after two or three drinks. 

    Sorry you're in this one, I'd be P.O.'ed too.

     
    8.
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    Busy bee
    edisonsgirl    October 2, 2010  

    Well you can't really keep him from bringing his friend. If you are concerned his drinking buddy will drink your bar bill through the roof, I would just let them know you are on a buget...even if it is a big budget. LOL. Also, it may be fun for the single ladies to have more options. Smile.

     

     
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    Buzzing bee
    skibobrown    July 31, 2010   CA (wedding in Bar Harbor, ME)

    Yeah, I'd be kind of annoyed too.  Unfortunately, this is the risk you run when you allow people to bring plus ones (we also allowed open +1s, so I could potentially be in the same boat).  You can always tell the bar to cut people off if they seem like they're getting out of control... 

     
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    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    Mrs.KMM    July 17, 2010   Atlanta, GA (wedding in Indianapolis, IN)

    I'll second all the previous posters - you gave him an "and guest" and he now has the option to choose whoever on god's green earth he wants to bring as that guest.  I know that isn't what you want to hear but that's really the truth of it all.

     
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    Helper bee
    Akennedy01    September 24, 2011   KY

    I like the idea of mentioning it to your aunt. I bet she'd set him straight if she knew it would bother you.

     
    12.
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    Buzzing bee
    redherring    September 11, 2010   Pittsburgh, PA

    I agree with previous posters that you can't really dictate who he brings. But wow - who brings a drinking buddy to a wedding?! Hopefully it will dawn on him that it's not really appropriate.

     
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    Busy bee
    cakegal    August 14, 2010  

    Maybe since he is not serious about either of the women he does not want to bring them to a family wedding. It does send a message to many women. And isn't "drinking buddy" really just another way men might refer to their guy friends?

     
    14.
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    Sugar bee
    littlemissmoo    July 18, 2010   London, UK

    Sadly since he was given "Plus Guest" and not "Mr John and Miss Jane" there's no real way you can tell him who to bring to your wedding. I did the same mistake and instead of inviting my friend and her boyfriend I wrote "Friend plus Guest" on her invite. Her BF can't come so she's bringing a random friend. Oh well. But I can't tell her I don't want her random friend coming and eating and getting drunk on my tab!

     
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    Bumble bee
    guitargirl    October 2009   Ohio

    With an invitation saying "guest," you can't dictate.  I would have teh bartender cut them off after two drinks.

     
    16.
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    Busy bee
    jenandchris    October 22, 2011   live in Brooklyn, getting married in MA

    I think someone else mentioned this above - but depending on your relationship, maybe you could bring this up with your aunt?  Or have your mom bring it up with your aunt?  Its always hard to know based on what people's relationships are, but maybe this would be a good way without you having to say to his face "thats not what I meant by +1!"

     
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    Sugar bee
    2dBride    October 6, 2009   Washington, DC.

    For this reason, we asked all our guests about six months before the wedding who their SOs were.  Our invitation was then addressed to, for example,  "John Smith and Suzie Jones," instead of "John Smith and guest."  As a practical matter, this also meant that a relationship had to have lasted at least six months before the SO would be invited.

     

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