Post # 1
My husband and I are in the middle of doing our preliminary wedding guest lists and I am wondering for the guests who are dating someone, does that automatically mean that the guest’s SO must be invited? Of course, we are planning to invite long-term relationships, married couples or engaged. I am talking about boyfriend/girlfriend situations.
The reason I am asking is because my husband has a cousin who has a boyfriend, they have a child together. I guessed that would mean he is automatically invited, however the thing is my fiancé and I have not actually met this guy. Every time we are at the family’s house, the boyfriend does not come into the house and the cousin runs out and gives him a plate of whatever everyone else is eating at the barbecue. There is some drama between the boyfriend and family, but my husband and I are not really a part of that situation but my husband said that he is not comfortable in inviting him because he never even met him. I am confused because while I agree with my husband I do feel that since the boyfriend (we do not even know his name!) is obviously in this long term, he ought to be invited because it does seem rude.
Post # 3
If this guy shows up at family things but never actually comes in the door I doubt he’ll show up for your wedding. I think it would be rude to not extend the invite but by the sounds of it I really doubt he’d show up.
Post # 4
there will probably be a handful of people at your wedding that you dont know…but i think especially because its not some guy she picked up in a a bar last night he should probably be invited… if they have a baby together doesnt that kind of make them fall under the ltr? anyways he probably wont come since he doesnt sound too interested to be around the family…good luck whatever you decide
Post # 5
I know it is common place to not automatically extend a plus one.
But I really think it is just courteous to extend single people the option of bringing a date with them (even if they end up just bringing a friend because they dont have a boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever).
I mean who wants to go to a wedding without a date…??
Single/unmarried people need some love too imo! lol
Post # 6
@Ivlanie: It is more of a money and space issue that really keeps us from having a “come one come all” kind of thing. As much as I would like everyone to come, I know that there is some consideration. Having everyone have a plus one may be a nice thing, but it is not feasible in this case. We are putting the “six month rule”in effect, besides since it is a mostly family thing, there won’t be that much awkwardness.(I hope!)Everyone basically knows each other and realistically the only people my husband and I wouldn’t know is like..our parents’ friends.
I know it is the polite thing to invite the boyfriend which is what I would like to do, but honestly there is so much bad blood between the family and him that I am afraid that there will be drama. It is kind of a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. If we do invite him and he comes (not likely seeing his past behavior) then there could be some words said and if we don’t invite him we run the risk of insulting my husband’s cousin.
I agree with NYE gal, this guy probably won’t even show up so I may just invite him anyways and wait for the RSVP. If he comes, he comes and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t. Thanks!
Post # 7
I’ve been dealing with the plus one issue. My cousin has a gf and I have “met” her once. I say it with quotes because she sat at the restaurant and didn’t say a word the entire night. I’m toying with the idea that if they aren’t dating someone when I send the invites out then they probably won’t get a plus one. It just doesn’t fit into our budget to have a “the more the merrier” policy.
Post # 8
I fought for a while about the plus 1 issue but I’m doing it on New Year’s Eve….I think it would be a hard night to be separated from your SO even if you’ve only been together a couple of months
Post # 9
If they live together, it would be very rude not to invite him. I agree with NYE Gal that from the sound of it I wouldn’t expect him to actually attend the wedding.
Post # 10
Honestly, invite him. As PP said, he most likely will not come. But if he decides to come, it will most likely not dampen your day as people are usually not that inconsiderate to ruin your wedding day because of “bad blood”. You do not want to get in the middle of this. So extend the invite, and whatever hapens, happens. Obviously they are in it for the long haul, that is your FH cousins baby’s father. ANd whether your family likes it or not, that is pretty much more forever than marriage itself.
Post # 11
If you don’t invite him, but invite her – you are instantly part of the bad blood. Not worth it. Invite them as a family.
Post # 12
Invite all singles with a plus one. No one wants to go alone!
Post # 13
Based on just a recent experience on Saturday!!!!… I think this will help you…
My fiance was invited to the wedding, but I was not listed on the invite, nor was a plus 1. I begged my fiance to call and ask that it was OK that he list 2 people attending on the RSVP. THANK GOD HE DID!
Another girl there showed up by herself, no date, although she has a serious boyfriend. She made a sad comment that she wished she had asked, as everyone there had a date.
You want your guests to be comfortable. The poor girl was alone. Even guys seem to be singled out during those slow dances and I felt weird for them. We have plus 1s for all of our guests, just incase…. Plan for the worst outcome, hope for less :)))
Hope it helps!
Post # 14
What about the friends who are dating some one for a year or so, but FI and I have never met… and we don’t realisitically see their relationship lasting long term?
I’m torn because we have a few friends who have been dating their SO for a year by the time we get married, but we’ve never met them, or the ones we’ve met- we’re not keen on or don’t see it lasting. Plus, all of our friends know each other, so it’s not like they’d be there completely solo… am I just being too frugal? Extra guests are extra expenses.
Post # 15
In MY opinion, yes you are being too frugal. I don;t think its necessarily your place to decide whether or n ot a persons relationship will last. And a year is a long term relationship in my mind. Friends of ours just got married at the one year mark, not engaged, but married! Not meeting the person, can be considered a good reason to not invite, but its not as though they are complete strangers, they are your friends SO, thats a big thing!
I personally would invite the person plus their date for the evening. But they are your friends, and it is your wedding, do what you think is best.