Post # 1
So today, I was talking to one of my BM’s. She said “oh, me and [another friend] want plus-ones so we can bring L!” Well, L is a girl we went to law school with, but I don’t think I ever met her. I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup, we’re not even Facebook friends. Both these friends, the Bridesmaid or Best Man and the other friend, are single. Seriously single, as in, not seeing anyone even casually. I know my Bridesmaid or Best Man and this other friend hang out with her a lot, but I never have.
I explained to my Bridesmaid or Best Man that unfortunately, because of space constrictions, we’re only giving plus-one’s to friends who are seeing someone at the time the invites go out. Our venue tells us they can hold 240 comfortably, I’m betting the true number, considering we have guests with mobility issues (two walkers and at least one wheelchair), is closer to 220 comfortably. Our guest list without the singles having plus-one’s is 242. I’m horrified that our guest list is so big, I hate the fact that we’re having such a huge wedding, and my family and friends combined are less than 85 people out of those 242 because I don’t want a big wedding (the rest are FI’s).
I had every intention of extending invitations to even casual SO’s of my friends, because I’ve been on the receiving end of a plus-one slight. But these girls are not even remotely seeing anyone. I was going to wait until the invites went out to make that call, and then if someone started seeing someone after the invites went out, I was going to verbally tell them (provided we had the space in the 240 number) to bring their SO if they wanted. But is it wrong for me to be really miffed that these two girls, who are supposed to be good friends (and who know how hard my guest list drama has been with FI’s family and know very well how horrified I am to have people I barely know at my own wedding), had the nerve to specifically ask to have a plus-one so that they could bring some random female friend I’ve never met?
Just someone tell me I’m not being rude here- I want to accommodate my friends so they have a good time, but I don’t want random people at my wedding. Help? Support? Anything?
Post # 3
Yes, I think that’s out of line of your friends. This isn’t a casual party at an apartment and if they both know the space restrictions and you not even knowing this person all that well, they shouldn’t even bring it up.
I think you have every right not to extend +1’s to them if they aren’t seeing anyone, especially if they are just going to be bringing random girlfriends to keep them company. I’m sure there will be plenty of people they can mingle with and they can meet up with L another night!
Post # 4
@pinkfrog: You’re not being rude. I don’t mind people asking about plus-ones, sometimes they are granted for whomevers/non-dates, but it’s almost always ok to say no. You went to law school, how about a bright line rule: plus-ones are never required for guests without significant others.
Post # 5
You’re not being rude IMO. A +1 is intended for a significant other, not just some random friend you want to bring a long!
Post # 6
Glad to get the positive feedback. I *thought* I was on point with this one, but the fact that she even brought it up had me second-guessing.
As it turns out, it may not even be an issue- the non-BM friend has stopped talking to L (or the other way around, I have no idea)… As fast as issues pop up, they go away… Haha
Post # 7
I have a friend, who isn’t dating anyone at the moment, who mentioned to my aunt a few months ago that she wants to bring a friend (that is also a female) as her plus one.
Ummmm. No. Sorry. You aren’t going to get a plus one. On top of the cost being over $150 per person – this friend also happens to be an ex-girlfriend of one of my cousins. Awkward much??
So, my Fiance and I decided that if the guest is not in a relationship and there will be other guests that they know in attendance, then they will be invited solo. I have even considered adding the “__ of ___ (fill in # of seats) guests will attend” on the RSVP cards so that we can avoid any confusion with our friends.
The one exception we will make is for a friend who lives across the country, who will have to travel long distance to attend and who will not know anyone else at the wedding.
I just think that until someone actually goes through the process of planning a wedding, they don’t understand how much it is per person. Unfortunately, I just can’t afford to pay for random guests that I do not know.
Post # 8
the only friend that isnt dating seriously that will get a plus one if my maid of honor, all the others will only get a plus one if they are dating seriously and if they dont have friend groups in the party itself that they could stay with. i want to keep it around 100 guests, and only my family is 60 or so. if i give a plus one to everybody i wont be able to afford the wedding, so, sorry, but my answer will be no in those cases. if they are friends they will understand.
Post # 9
@PhillyProper: “So, my Fiance and I decided that if the guest is not in a relationship and there will be other guests that they know in attendance, then they will be invited solo.”
exactly that! I swear I hadnt read what you said before I posted my reply, but you explained it better than I did. lol