Post # 1
As we get closer to our RSVP deadline, FI and I have been getting quite a few messages from people asking if their bfs/gfs are invited. I know this subject has been on tons of threads but I am just so confused what to do. We are already at our max for our venue and have received only 15 “No’s” out of 265. As much as I want to include everyone, I feel like we have to draw the line somewhere. In the beginning, FI and I decided that we would only give plus ones to couples that were engaged/married or didn’t know anyone else at the wedding (only 2 people). However, FI now feels bad for not including his friend’s significant others and started questioning our decision. In my mind, I would much rather include some of my cousins over his friend’s gf’s that neither of us know well. Bees that have been in this situation…how do you respond to these messages? I don’t want to be mean but we simply can’t extend invitations to everyone. Also, budget wise adding more people is not a problem, but our venue is very intimate and space is limited. Thanks for any suggestions!
Post # 3
@MrsDeLovely: Whatever rule you decide on, i.e. only married folks get a +1, that is what you need to stick to. Not everyone may agree with what you decide, but as long as you are consistent, then you are being fair. It would be a pain to change your rules now and have to go back and give out a +1 for every decline. Also, like you said, family trumps a friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend so they should be taking priority (at least in my world).
Post # 4
Stick to your guns! You won’t satisfy everyone.
Post # 5
@MrsDeLovely: Now is not the time to be changing your mind about the guest list.
“I’m sorry but we are at maximum capacity for the venue.”
This is the only response that you can give without risking a comeback or problem solving response, and the advantage for you is that it is true.
Post # 6
@julies1949: you are SO right! UGH FI made the mistake of telling his distant cousin that messaged him if room was available he would be happy to extend him an guest invite. WRONG why why why did he do that?
The cousin has now messaged us twice asking if we know if he can bring a date yet. FI didn’t even want this cousin at the wedding to begin with! I totally get that FI opened the door for messages like that but how can people be so rude?!
Post # 7
It’s obviously too late to go back on your decision now, but I think it’s really rude to invite half of a couple to a social event.
A couple we know once did the same thing with their wedding, only engaged and married people got a +1. SO and I had been together for years but weren’t engaged, so I wasn’t invited – but his friend was invited to bring his partner because they were engaged, even though they’d only been together half as long as we had. This triggered a huge argument between me and SO: I felt insulted that others obviously regarded our relationship as less serious because he hadn’t proposed yet, and I blamed him for not proposing to me, because if he’d proposed then our relationship would be respected and I’d be invited.
Needless to say, we don’t hang out with this couple nowadays because I find it really rude how they implied that my relationship was less serious than other peoples because SO hadn’t bought me a ring yet.
So I think it’s better to not invite either person than to invite only half of a couple. If it’s a young couple who change partners every five minutes, or a couple who’ve only just got together, or possibly even a couple where you’ve never met the other partner, then it might be ok. But inviting half of an established couple who’ve been together for years is just plain rude, especially if you’ve actually met the partner who you’re excluding.
Post # 8
@Gorjuss: I completely agree.
Plus, you never know what happens between your invites and wedding. We had friends draw that silly line of only engaged and married couples are invited but if you’re “just dating” you don’t get a plus one no matter how long you’d been dating or how serious for thier June wedding. Then several couples got engaged during their wedding planning in May and serveral dudes were were and their fiances weren’t invited. I think it was embarassing to both sides.
I understand drawing lines but the way people say it always sounds so dismissive of people without rings.
Post # 9
@MrsDeLovely: I agree to stick to your guns, if you went with the “no ring, no bring” rule, that should be accepted across the board, if you applied it across the board. Don’t feel bad about it. I wouldn’t want some random girlfriend brought to my wedding if I didn’t know her either!
Post # 10
@Gorjuss: I have to disagree and say I think it’s rude to assume you would be invited to something. My FI was invited to several weddings when we were dating and I never had my feelings hurt over it. Unless you are a family member or close friend I think it’s ridiculous to assume you would be invited to wedding just because you are dating someone that was invited.
Also to clarify, only two of these individuals that have messaged us have serious bfs/gfs. The other four people simply want to bring dates. Sorry, but my wedding is something very sacred and special to me and I want to be surrounded by the people I know and love not randoms!
Post # 11
@Andyisgreat: I think it’s more realistic than dismissive. We invited 265 people to our wedding…now imagine if everyone was given a plus one…the guest count would just get out of hand. We picked a venue that was very unique, kid friendly and special to us and we just have to be realistic about how many people we could include. At the end of the day, someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. I would much rather it be some random gf that I don’t even know over my cousin. I know that may come off as mean but it’s just the truth. I can’t please everyone