Plus ones

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MrsDeLovely:  Whatever rule you decide on, i.e. only married folks get a +1, that is what you need to stick to. Not everyone may agree with what you decide, but as long as you are consistent, then you are being fair. It would be a pain to change your rules now and have to go back and give out a +1 for every decline. Also, like you said, family trumps a friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend so they should be taking priority (at least in my world).

Post # 4
2694 posts
Sugar bee

Stick to your guns! You won’t satisfy everyone. 

Post # 5
42117 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsDeLovely:  Now is not the time to be changing your mind about the guest list.

“I’m sorry but we are at maximum capacity for the venue.”

This is the only response that you can give without risking a comeback or problem solving response, and the advantage for you is that it is true.

Post # 7
162 posts
Blushing bee

It’s obviously too late to go back on your decision now, but I think it’s really rude to invite half of a couple to a social event.

A couple we know once did the same thing with their wedding, only engaged and married people got a +1. SO and I had been together for years but weren’t engaged, so I wasn’t invited – but his friend was invited to bring his partner because they were engaged, even though they’d only been together half as long as we had. This triggered a huge argument between me and SO: I felt insulted that others obviously regarded our relationship as less serious because he hadn’t proposed yet, and I blamed him for not proposing to me, because if he’d proposed then our relationship would be respected and I’d be invited.

Needless to say, we don’t hang out with this couple nowadays because I find it really rude how they implied that my relationship was less serious than other peoples because SO hadn’t bought me a ring yet.

So I think it’s better to not invite either person than to invite only half of a couple. If it’s a young couple who change partners every five minutes, or a couple who’ve only just got together, or possibly even a couple where you’ve never met the other partner, then it might be ok. But inviting half of an established couple who’ve been together for years is just plain rude, especially if you’ve actually met the partner who you’re excluding.

Post # 8
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Gorjuss:  I completely agree.


Plus, you never know what happens between your invites and wedding. We had friends draw that silly line of only engaged and married couples are invited but if you’re “just dating” you don’t get a plus one no matter how long you’d been dating or how serious for thier June wedding. Then several couples got engaged during their wedding planning  in May and serveral dudes were were and their fiances weren’t invited. I think it was embarassing to both sides. 

I understand drawing lines but the way people say it always sounds so dismissive of people without rings. 

Post # 9
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsDeLovely:  I agree to stick to your guns, if you went with the “no ring, no bring” rule, that should be accepted across the board, if you applied it across the board.  Don’t feel bad about it.  I wouldn’t want some random girlfriend brought to my wedding if I didn’t know her either!

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