"Plus ones" Can someone please explain this to me?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@s2bmrscook:  No, I think you are correct.  I sometimes mentally categorize people in couples as guest or plus one, because my cousin’s fiance wouldn’t be invited if he wasn’t my cousin’s fiance, but that’s not how I address the invitations.  I also wouldn’t want my cousin to bring some other rando in place of her fiance – I’m inviting the two of them. 

My aunt invited her cousin and her husband (both hollywood types) and her cousin brought her hairstylist instead of her husband!  That’s totally not cool.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

From what I understand, married/engaged couples are a traditional social unit (I’m talking Emily Post here), and more recently couples who live together and serious, long-term couples have fallen under that umbrella.

So some people see ONLY married people as a unit, while some people see married/engaged as a unit, and some people see all relationships as a unit that can’t be seperated.

Also, I’m pretty sure that a guest ony gets a +1 if they’re unattached. If they’re in a relationship, you’re technically supposed to find out the person’s name and invite them by name. Which is a finnicky technicality.

Post # 5
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 Wedding invitations go out months in advance, sometimes.  if a friend just started dating I’d give a plus one instead of inviting my friend’s new significant other.  Otherwise, if they broke up they might think they can’t invite someone else, or (worse) the significant other might still feel invited to the wedding. 🙂

 

I struggle with this because I have 2 friends who are always in and out of a relationship (both have an on again/ off again thing going with a guy).  Do I name their current SOs or just give a plus one?  Luckily they are close enough that I think giving them an invitation and telling them they can bring whoever they want if/when the breakup occurs is a better decision. 🙂  But it is difficult.

Post # 6
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@s2bmrscook:  I agree with you completely, I am so confused by people on here who want to invite someone but not their SO.  

Post # 8
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@s2bmrscook:  I agree.  We invited both halves of any social unit by name.  We didn’t really restrict what we considered to be “serious” because I guess that felt like I was in a position to judge someone else’s relationship.  If someone considered themselves ‘in a relationship’ at the time we sent our invitations, they were both invited by name.

We also extended generic “plus one” invitations to single members of the wedding party, as well as any single adult who would be traveling to be at our wedding.

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@s2bmrscook:  I guess what made it insulting is that her husband never intended to go, he just considers himself too important for family functions.  That’s different than a last minute crisis.

Post # 11
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@s2bmrscook:  I think that you should always know the name of a plus one. One of my friends was just invited to a wedding (a destination wedding no less…). The couple is friends of her boyfriend – and she has met/hung out with them 5-6 times. They have been together for over a year. She was very offended when they got the invite and it was address to her boyfriend “and guest”. The bride and groom both clearly know her name!

I was also invited to a wedding the same way – but I hadnt yet met the couple (FI’s friends). However, still… we had been together for quite a while – I think they could have sent a text, “hey whats your girlfriends name?”

I am going to make sure that I know all plus one’s names… honestly, if you don’t know who you are going to bring at the time of the RSVP, I think you should just come alone.

Post # 12
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I consider a couple a couple and invited each couple as such for my wedding. No one got a “plus one” that was in a relationship. In fact, no one got a plus one period. If you’re in a relationship you were invited together as a couple.

Post # 13
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Polygon:  Not cool at all!! If your SO cannot come you need to come alone, seriously.

My step sister RSVP’d yes for her and her boyfriend of the time, to my brother and SIL’s wedding, and showed up with a girlfriend as her date. It annoyed me a little, until I overheard her pointing to someone and making fun of them! AT A WEDDING YOU WEREN’T EVEN INVITED TO! and after that I was far beyond annoyed and wanted to punch her in the face.

I straight up told my step mom that I didn’t want my step sister OR brother subbing their dates for random ass friends.

Post # 14
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The only people we gave a generic “plus one” to were our bridal party members who were not in any kind of relationship. They’re free to bring their mother, their cousin, their dogwalker, or the guy who makes their sandwich at Subway. Otherwise everyone was invited by name, and if I wasn’t sure about a name, I double-checked.

Post # 15
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@s2bmrscook:  I am under the same impression as you. I consider “plus one” only someone who is the guest of a single person. Otherwise, I’m inviting Mr. and Mrs. Whomever or Miss Friend and Mr. Friend’s Boyfriend. 

However, I don’t like the whole “My husband dropped out so I’m bringing my sorority sister” thing. Unless you’re someone who isn’t going to know anyone else at the wedding, I figure you’re fine to come on your own and sit with your family/friends. 

Post # 16
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If you know the persons name you invite them both by name.

If you know someone is dating someone recently but dont know who it would be “and guest”

If someone is single and not dating it would be “and guest” as well

Now the one caviate I have heard about addressing unmarried couples by name, is if they break up, since it was addressed to the bf/gf, fiance whatever by name they can no longer bring a guest. unless its the named guest. As the only guest you can bring is the person on the envelope. I know there are ways around this, but this is the one thing I have been told. So a few cousins who are in new relationships may get “and guest” instead of by name since odds are they wont be with the person we addressed the envelope to by the time of our wedding.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors