Plus one's… is what I am saying ok?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is what I am telling them ok?
    Yes. You're doing it right. : (43 votes)
    88 %
    Sort of. (comment an alternative) : (1 votes)
    2 %
    No. It's rude. : (5 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I think in your situation what you are doing is fine. There are only some many people you can afford to invite to a wedding. We aren’t having a big wedding (we are inviting 81 people) and the only plus 1s we are allowing are married/engaged guests or couples who have been together a while and don’t know anyone else at the wedding. If everyone got a plus one our guest list would be closer to 100! I think especially if your single guests will know people at the wedding, there shouldn’t be much drama.

    Post # 3
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’ve been having the same issue! We included all married, engaged, and “serious” couples that we knew of in our invites, but did not plan for plus one’s from anyone else. I have been shocked at how many rsvp’s we have gotten back where single people have written in their chosen date’s name along with theirs on the rsvp card! Who does that?! Most of these dates are people my fiance and I have never even met. I haven’t said anything yet because I really don’t want to start drama. I’m hoping that it won’t be a big deal in the end because some of our invited guests might not be able to make it, so these “dates” can have their spot. However, if everyone we invited attends I don’t know what we’re going to do! Our budget is already over, so the thought of paying for more people who we don’t even know does not excite me. I guess you could wait and see if enough of your guests end up not attending that the plus ones wouldn’t be a big deal? If you end up not having room for them then I think it would be rude of someone to object to that, especially since they will have other people there to hang out with. I understand people want to bring dates, but it is your wedding and they should understand that weddings are expensive!! Just my opinion anyway. Good luck! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    560 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Soon-to-be Mrs. Baranick:  We did plus ones how you are. If your wedding is local I think it’s fine. If people are travelling across the country, I think they get a date.

    Our wedding was local for all our friends and they all know each other. We invited married, engaged, and serious couples by name. We gave true plus ones (sent invite to _____ and guest) to a few people who wouldn’t know everyone and would be more comfortable bringing a date. We had a good number invited by themselves though.

    I will say you may have to lean a little, but I don’t think waiting until you start getting no RSVPs back is bad. For example, people who are dating for a short period of time. We ended up inviting a few of those because we didn’t want to risk a friendship over the “we don’t take your relationship seriously” thing. For all we know, he’ll marry her in a few years.

    Use your best judgement but I think you’re doing fine!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1230 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Soon-to-be Mrs. Baranick:  You are absolutely right. In the spirit of charity, you could extend plus ones to friends who have a SI that maybe you know, even if they aren’t serious. For my wedding, I’m saving a plus one for one friend who is perpetually single. But I love her so much that if she meets someone or has a date, of course I will make room for them. But she’s the only exception. Everyone else will get their invitation as dictated by Emily Post.

    Post # 8
    Member
    171 posts
    Blushing bee

    Soon-to-be Mrs. Baranick:  I’m doing things very similarly to the way others are doing things.  I’ve had three people ask or just indicate on the RSVP a plus one, and one person (in the bridal party, but I did not know that she and her previous gf were back together) I gave the plus one to.  The other two I did not know were dating anyone, so I just verbally told them that I could let them know a little closer to the date if they can bring someone.  They are both relatively local and will know people at the wedding, but I’ve gotten some no RSVPs that I thought would come, so I think I will likely end up letting them bring the person.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee

    I am having the same problem and our guest list is pretty close to the venue limit!

    <br />So, from what I am hearing the consensus is: invite married, engaged or serious couples, and then go case by case in terms of plus ones for singles?

    I feel like my guest list will sky rocket if every single person gets a plus one, and to be honest, I dont loe the idea of paying for someone to come to our wedding who we don’t even know… especially when we are going to be diligent about where those singles are sitting so they won’t feel awkward. Is this ok?

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    SCam:  You can invite whomever you want, so long as you apply it fairly across the board (exceptions may be very close family – parents, siblings – and those in your wedding party). For us we have stuck with people that are in long-term relationships, those that are married, engaged, and living together. If anyone just got in a relationship (two people in this situation where it was literally around the time we sent invites out and never met their new SO’s). FI’s mother put in a plus one (we gave her one) of someone neither of us have met – we asked that we meet this guy before the wedding because we have met every single person at our wedding so it would be strange, especially with the guy being at the table directly in front of us.

    I think even for those that are in couples you should think about who they are sitting with. Just because a bunch of people are single doesn’t automatically mean I am going to create a singles table. If you sit them with people that they are comfortable with or you think they would get on with then I think you have done your due diligence with a seating plan.

    Some people think that every adult should have a plus one – I don’t think that is necessary, personally, if they aren’t travelling and know people there.

    Post # 11
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I’m in the same boat.  My standard response is the same as yours.  I have no intention of one of my FI’s bringing his flavor to the week to our wedding.  I only want faces there I know, but our guest list is 115.  Just apply it all across the board.  The other thing for us is kids…we are allowing our niece and nephews and kids from out of town, but not kids in town.  No one has b*tched yet. LOL.

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