Pocket dial messages for then not win…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Are you sure he was talking about you?

That is so awkward. I don’t know what you should do at all, but I am sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 4
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh my, that sounds terrible! I am so sorry that happened to you. Ugh, it would make me act so awkward. Maybe ask your mom if he’s ever said anything like this about you? But then you’d be putting her in the middle. Such a tough situation! Hopefully some other bees have some good advice.


Post # 5
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re clearly (and rightfully) hurt by this. You need to talk to him. I would sit him down and say “So, I think you might have pocket dialed me and this is the message you left….” play him the message. Explain that you’re really sorry for the misunderstanding and that you would never expect anything. Explain that you of course are always happy to help out so that is why you misunderstood. It’s going to be tough, but he needs to know you heard that message – it’s not something you will just forget. 

Big hugs!

Post # 6
6948 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@lalalyanne:  Wow. That has to really hurt. I’m so sorry! I can totally see how you assumed, given his past actions, that him taking it to “his guy” meant he was putting it on the account. I can also see him being a little upset, though. I do a LOT of babysitting for my sister and even though, for instance, I sometimes babysit 4 nights a week, I get upset when she assumes I’ll do it and doesn’t actually ask. Or if she doesn’t offer to do something (like she’ll often bring me her weekly free pound of coffee from working at Starbucks). So maybe he’s stressed already and you assuming + not doing to usual song-and-dance of offering to pay just got under his skin. Hopefully he was just blowing off steam and it isn’t REALLY how he feels.

You have a couple options. You can just say “I’m so sorry, I think we had a miscommunication. When you said you were taking it to the guy who usually does your work cars, I thought you meant you were putting it on the account. I know, so silly of me. I realize my mistake and hope you didn’t think I was taking advantage!”

Or you can say the above, but also say that you got the voicemail. I would probably try to have the guts to do that, even though it would be super awkward. But that gives you a chance to clear the air with him and not feel resentful. You could even just say the above and in a few days address the voicemail. 

Post # 8
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@lalalyanne:  I am all for open communication in all relationships. I would say, “I heard you call me spoiled and I am assuming that is because you thought I expected you to pay for my car. I didn’t. I have never asked you to pay for anything. If you had a problem paying, I wish you had of said something rather than let resentment brew. If you don’t want to help me, that’s fine, but you should stop offering.”

The chips will fall where they will but I wouldn’t let it go. I hate owing people anything and I would hate someone feeling this way about me. I’d even take some money off my line of credit if I had to and give him a money order for what he felt he owed me. And then I sure as shit wouldn’t be taking any more handouts from him whether he offered or not. I hate two faced people who are sweet as pie to your face and a snake in the grass behind your back.

Post # 9
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lalalyanne:  Well I guess it’s awkward, but at the same time helpful. I know that you didn’t know he was upset until now, but you really should have offered to pay for it. IF he wanted to be nice, he would tell you not to worry that he was doing this as a gift and you woulnd’t be left in this position.

I know you have done this in the past, rightously so, but didn’t in this particular case. Just because it’s been a gift of the past, doesn’t mean you should expect it. And since he has done a lot for you alreadt, it seems that you should start to pay for more on your own. 

I know it’s embarassing, but at least it cues you in. I didn’t mean this as an ‘attack’ against you, I can understand your position and the fact that you feel blindsided and shocked that he feels this way. Open communication! 

Post # 10
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I know this is embarrasing for you.  But, at the same time, maybe it was wrong to assume this.  It is one thing for a parent/step parent to help you out at 18….I think it is another for a 22 year old engaged woman to expect the same help.

I know other posters are saying to say something…..I’m wondering if you should keep quiet about this and instead try and come up with the money somehow.  Are you only a FT student?  Can you insetad get a part time job?  Take out a student loan?  Can your FI help you?

My parents had NO MONEY to send me to school with…and all my auto problems were my own.  I had to work FT AND take out student loans to support myself…it can be done!!  You can do it!

I just feel like he didn’t want you to hear this, obviously, and if you said something he would be guilted into helping you out because he would feel bad.  Maybe instead, you could surprise him by just saying ‘I have money for this…’. 

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